Did you ask your dates if they were bigots on the first outing? I’m pretty sure from your posting history that you would have been appalled at the notion of even dating such a person.
No to the first question. I recall a date I had 20 years ago (college) in which the young woman gave a pretty clear indication of racism just minutes into our date, and I made an excuse and left.
Yes, I would have avoided dating anyone I knew to be a bigot (when I was single – I’ve been married for 10 years now). How about you? And do you disagree with anything I wrote?
I’m looking to you as our paradigm of negotiating this thorny issue. So, you’re on a hypothetical date and your companion gets pissed off at a black person in a bar and uses the biggest baddest racial epithet of them all. It is the big reveal of their racism. What do you do? How should this be handled differently from someone else out on a date and the big reveal of their companion’s plumbing proves to be counter to what s/he expected and wanted? In either case, it comes down to “I’m not attracted to someone like you” when reduced to simplest terms.
I’d probably be shocked and say something like “that’s a horrible thing to say”, and then I’d leave. What would you do?
In this case, I’d probably politely excuse myself, and say something like “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re compatible”.
I’d treat them differently because one is a moral defect/failing and the other is just a physical/intimate preference. There’s nothing wrong with the person in the latter case; there is something wrong in the former.
What about you?
I wouldn’t necessarily make that assumption, particularly if this was a random hook-up between strangers, and not a “date” in the more traditional sense.
The tricky thing here is, if you know the person you’re about to get naked with is trans, which expectation is horses, and which is zebras?
If we are to follow the lead set for us in the Slate article, there is something wrong with you (and with me) for leaving in the second situation.
FTR, I would excuse myself from the engagement in both situations.
The Slate article says no such thing. It explicitly takes the opposite stance.
That’s an obvious logical fallacy: your two premises do not imply the conclusion you’re trying to draw from them. Few or no straight men are attracted to all women, just as few or no straight women are attracted to all men. For instance, some straight men aren’t attracted to short-haired women, or tattooed women, or fat women, or tall women, and they have the right not to pursue a romantic relationship or encounter with someone they’re not attracted to.
Similarly, some straight men aren’t attracted to transwomen, and have the right not to pursue a romantic relationship or encounter with a woman who happens to be trans.
However, if genitalia or any other criteria are a dealbreaker for you in dating, it’s on you to make that clear to potential partners if you want potential partners with those characteristics to avoid you. It’s not a transgender person’s responsibility to preemptively declare what their genitals are like just so you don’t have to be the one to bring the subject up.
As for the alleged advice column mentioned in the OP, while there’s nothing wrong with encouraging people to consider sexually experimenting with characteristics they initially assumed they could never find attractive, of course nobody should be forced or shamed into a sexual situation with someone whom they really don’t find attractive. Just say “No thanks, I’m not comfortable with this” and leave with a clear conscience.
The only safe thing to do is to send pictures of your junk to everyone you might possibly end up dating.
Not by my reading (Miller provides the relevant quote).
This seems like a solid plan, and I can’t imagine any possible objection to it.
holy shit are you serious
The farther you get into a relationship, and the more invested you get into it, the higher the bar becomes for dealbreakers.
If I dated a woman for six months and was crazy in love *then *found out she was pre-op trans, I honestly don’t know what I’d do. (Not realistic it would go that long without my finding out, however). If I found out on or before the first date, it would immediately become a platonic relationship.
But I’m with Acsenray that you have a right to like what you like without everybody getting judgy on you. Declining a date with a trans person is not a hate crime, or discrimination, or anything else negative. It’s just your preference.
I am told that including a picture in your profile on dating websites also leads to greater success. So you might be onto something there.
Also if you include a picture of a pet. So if I ever need to use a dating website, I will post a picture of my dog’s junk, and wait for the emails to come flooding in.
My dating ad would read -
Regards,
Shodan
SWISS cheese? You sicko!
I probably wouldn’t make any assumption, but that depends on how far it seems the woman has transitioned.
If I were the trans woman, I wouldn’t make any assumptions about my partner’s assumption.
I knew you sounded familiar. But as I’ve told you before, I’m lactose intolerant.
Yes.
Wow. How’s he going to get himself out of this one? 
Well if it’s online dating or something you are free to post your preferences in your profile, or even say them aloud to a person you ask, they can then make a judgement about going out with you. No one really has a duty to be upfront about anything. Even if you list a preference, the person could still just lie anyway and they commonly do.
Say a woman is on a dating website or app and specifically puts on her profile I only date men 6’ tall. A guy contacts her and his profile lists his height at 6’ but in reality he is 5’11", people fudge stuff like that all the time for the purposes of dating. You can be upfront with your preferences, the other person is not really obligated to volunteer it, even if they did, they might be lying anyway. But be upfront with your preferences and maybe that will at least weed out a lot of people, who can decide if those preferences are a dealbreaker for them as well.
It’s weird how these threads tend to ignite so many colorful responses when probably over 99% of guys never have to deal with this situation anyway.