It seems like disclosing or even passing STD tests before having unprotected sex is the responsible thing to do. Yet, most people don’t get tested or talk about cold sore status before kissing, even though a great number of people have cold sores which are an STD (I think it’s usually the HSV-1 strand of herpes).
Some are of the “cold sores are no big deal and hardly worth mentioning” view. Disclosing this very early on, perhaps even on the first or second date, could kill the atmosphere even though it may be no big deal. Yet, again, it is herpes.
So, before kissing, should it be disclosed? If the other person kisses you without having talked about it, should you stop the kiss to disclose it?
If nothing else, if you have an active cold sore disclose said fact before engaging in oral sex - I’ve met too many people who are clueless that yes, you CAN be infected with the typically mouth-dwelling cold sores in your crotch area.
I think if you kiss someone and they have an active cold sore, you are to blame. It’s not a big deal anyway. Most adults are infected with HSV anyway, they just might not get outbreaks.
Seriously, some people think you should tell someone before kissing if you’ve ever had a cold sore (or even if you never have but have had a positive blood test, I guess)? That just seems nuts. And I say that as someone who has never had a cold sore and would prefer not to. But if it’s THAT important to you then you need to just never kiss anyone.
Anyhow, yes you should absolutely ‘inform’ someone prior to kissing them if you have a cold sore. As the response is likely to be ‘get tae fuck away from me with that manky sore’, a better approach is just to refrain from kissing people if you have an outbreak.
This sucks if you’re all revved up to go out on a date, say, and a cold sore appears. It’s true they’re not a big deal but they are annoying and it’s bang out of order to pass them on if you can avoid doing so.
I don’t know. I get cold sores (once or maybe twice a year), and my girlfriend never has, and I’ve been kissing her for over 5 years. Maybe she’s one of those no-outbreak carrier people, which I guess must be most adults since I so rarely see cold sores on other people. In the past year or so my paranoia about giving her cold sores has gotten worse and I’ve been unable to enjoy kissing at all, even though she’s obviously aware that I get them and doesn’t care. I get seriously depressed about it. And I’m now extremely uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex (giving or recieving) to the point that I can’t do it any more, even though we used to do it earlier in the relationship.
What I’m wondering about it how do people who get cold sores ever plan a wedding date, knowing they could become unkissable any day? I already had to skip Thanksgiving this year because I didn’t want my family looking at me.
Thread title made me laugh, as if kissing people was a foregone conclusion, and the only question is whether to warn them before you pucker up. I don’t really kiss anyone except my wife, although my kids get pecks on the cheek or forehead.
Can’t you just not kiss anyone until the cold sore is gone?
I’ve never had a cold sore so I appreciate folks disclosing it before oral sex.
I’m not sure I have this entirely correct but:
HSV-1 is usually oral but can actually be contracted genitally during oral sex with someone who has an active cold sore (inactive too but chances are lower). If you’ve never been exposed to HSV-1 orally, your chances of contracting it genitally under the aforementioned circumstances are much higher.
Therefore you might say that it’s better to have been exposed to HSV-1 orally.
One of my partners disclosed an active cold sore and we simply avoided kissing and oral sex while it was active. Since anywhere from 50-90% of the population has HSV-1, maybe we should have just made out and I’d be inoculated.
People also have a responsibility to use their eyes and protect themselves. If someone has a crusty sore on their mouth and you kiss then anyway, it’s your fault.
So if someone has genital warts but isn’t having an outbreak (so, no visible symptoms), it’s not their fault if they’re not informing their partners of their STD?
I realize cold sores aren’t as bad as other STDs, but as someone who has never had a cold sore in my life, I definitely appreciate the heads up from people. And yes, when dating, I actually do casually bring up cold sores just to see if they’re like, “Oh yeah! I had one last week. Uggggh!”
FWIW, I’d be pissed too if a guy made out with me, then after disclosed that he had a sore throat the entire time (or some other thing I couldn’t see).