Well, the pot luck is over. I guess it went about as well as possible in the circumstances. People did act differently around Bea, but they might have done that anyway, just because she is noticeably more frail and worn looking. (She’s lost significant weight, and didn’t have extra to start with.) Otherwise everyone behaved, and tried to be normal/have fun, and there were no ‘incidences.’ I suspect several people had brought alcohol supplies anyway, but they were discrete about it and certainly no one got visibly tipsy.
The only awkward moment I witnessed was when one cluster of kids asked Art about his head. (He’d had some of his hair shaved, and the stitches were very visible.) He just shrugged and said he’d tripped over a chair and hit his head when he fell down. One of the kids followed up with, Does it hurt? And he said when it happened, but not now, and that seemed to settle it for them.
Though one kid pointed out HE used to fall a lot, before he ‘grew up.’
Anyway, the whole party broke up unusually early. We’ve always started the ‘eating dinner’ part by five or so, because of the young ones. In the past, those with kids would mostly leave early, though a few would put their kids to sleep in their cars and linger, and the rest would continue on well into the evening. Today Bea said she was feeling tired pretty much right after dinner was over, and she and Art left, and after that, well, everyone just packed it in. My husband and I were among those who helped with getting chairs and tables and such stowed away, and the trash out, etc. and we were done by barely after seven.
What do you think intolerance means? It sure sounds like someone who “doesn’t want a whole lot of things in their kitchens or on their premises” is very intolerant. For the record, I find very kosher Jews, devout Muslims, hard-core baptists, and a ton of other religious groups to be intolerant.
You know, and like, a lot of intolerant people, I’m pretty sure we get it. This doesn’t make them the same level as bigots but they are certainly intolerant.
That’s true they want every party to be tolerant of all people. Whether a wedding or a 2 year old’s birthday party all people should feel welcome and comfortable except people who are comfortable excluding those that are different.if you think that means there is no difference between a wedding and a 2 year oldest birthday then I would suggest you’ve never been to both.
Ummm . . . No, is this an issue for you? Do you go to parties where they send out notes in advance reminding people to wear clothes?
Ummm . . . Again I have to wonder why this is an issue for you. Have I had sex during a party, of course, have I wanted to pull my dick out in front of my friends and go at it, no. It’s certainly not uncommon for people, even in our 30s and 40s to have sex during a party in an available bedroom but I’ve never had someone send out a warning before a party telling people to not have sex. What type of people do you hang out with where that is a common warning?
I try to play music that people enjoy at my parties even if I don’t like it. That’s just part of being a good host. Even if you think Barry Manilow is the greatest artist of all time I hope you would put on music your guest prefer and not blast Barry all night long. And of course I’ll tease my host if they are playing terrible music that’s just part of being friends.
You know what I’ve changed my mind, sex on the dining room table and animal sacrifice in the front yard. We need to party together.
I can be intolerant of having objectionable stuff in my kitchen without being intolerant towards people. When I say someone is “intolerant” I am usually referring to how they treat other adults, not how they treat food or drink or other things.
Are you this judgemental of people who have allergie who don’t want you to bring contaminants into their kitchens?
Deciding what one does and doesn’t want in one’s own house is not the same thing as deciding for other people what they must have in their own houses.
You appear to be trying to do the latter. I call that very intolerant.
You’re missing the point entirely. Of course it’s not an issue for me. It’s also not an issue for me if some of the people who want me to keep my clothes on in their house also want me not to bring alcohol, or meat, or non-kosher meat, or whatever, into their house.
My point is that you’re simply assuming that behavior you’re used to being restricted at parties is entirely reasonable to restrict, but behavior you’re used to committing at parties is entirely unreasonable to restrict.
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(FWIW, I have been, though not recently, to parties at which clothing was optional and meat was forbidden. Nobody went off and screwed in the bedrooms. They were all somebody’s bedroom and it would have been considered nearly as rude to go screw in somebody else’s bedroom as it would have been to do so on the dining room table, especially if you weren’t going to wash the bedding afterwards. Nudity isn’t necessarily linked to sex, anyway.
But none of us assumed that because it was all right to go naked in some people’s houses /ponds/swimming pools that it was our essential right to go naked in everybody’s.)
I think of it as something people do before they have their own homes where they can have sex in comfort and privacy. Except at orgies, I guess. But orgies aren’t my kind of party.
I think the last party I was at where people were having sex I was probably 19 or 20. Had people still been doing it at 30, at a party not designated as such, that would be really weird (honestly, it was weird when we were horny teenagers and young adults, but horny teenagers and young adults don’t have all their brain cells firing yet). Do that on your own sheets, please, I don’t need to clean up bodily fluids that aren’t mine or someone I’m intimate with. That would be a clear “off the guest list” on any party I’d host. And I wouldn’t have been comfortable at any party where guests were having sex past that time either.
But I’m pretty intolerant. I don’t let people spew bigoted or homophobic language in my house. I exile misogynists and people who don’t shut up about their faith. I don’t let people smoke inside. I expect you to wear clothes when you visit. Bring your kids if you want, but you watch them, and its an adult party, people aren’t going to watch their language because you brought your five year old. (Not watching your kids or complaining that your kids were exposed to adult words or conversation has been the number one reason to get dropped from my invite list). And I like my perfume and my pets - if you are really sensitive to dander or perfume, you might want to RSVP in the negative (or bring your meds). And it isn’t polite to make passes at anyone else’s significant other.
But you can wear your shoes or not wear your shoes. Sometimes they make the outfit (or you have a hole in your sock) And we provide a vegetarian and meat chili (please do not put the clearly labeled utensils in the wrong pot) and label the gluten content of all items set out - making sure to provide GF crackers and a GF sweet. And we open our liquor cabinet and provide some really NICE booze - something to know if you are in a tentative recovery.
I obviously have been going to all the wrong parties. Maybe 19 was the last time I did anything sexual involving nudity at a party and that involved a walk-in closet. I assumed most people don’t want you having sex at their parties (unless party is of that nature) as most people I know are kind of squicked out by the idea of somebody fucking in their beds and getting their fluids on it. It just seems rude to me.
This morning it occurs to me that there is the bodily fluids issue - and the being in someone else’s bedroom issue. Go ahead and throw your coat on the bed when you arrive, but then you really shouldn’t be in my bedroom until its time to grab your coat. That isn’t party space, its private space. And not the kid’s bedrooms or the office either. And once you grow past the “my urges must be met now” stage of development, when its still weird, but young and stupid covers some indiscretions - what business do you have in my closet?!
Sure, but we and most of our friends are very against drunk driving so I would say on average half the party ends up staying the night. Most people also have a guest room to sleep in and we wash the sheets before and after either way. It’s not like people are having sex on the 2 year olds stuffed animals.
Yeah. When I invited my son’s then-girlfriend to spend the night, it occurred to me they might have sex, but I expected him to wash the sheets if they did. I don’t expect party guests to be having sex on my sheets, and I’d probably not invite them again if they did.
Hmm, that sounds like your party guests turn into houseguests. Houseguests, who’ve been given a bedroom are different from party guests, in my humble opinion.
What the dickens? I assume a warning isn’t required for 99.99% of people because they would never conceive of this in the first place. In real life, I’ve never heard of such a thing. Only on TV and even then it’s usually obviously a joke or at least outrageously scandalous behavior.
Mine also. If people have been invited to stay the night, whether or not because they’re not fit to drive home, then of course they’re expected to sleep somewhere, and if the somewhere is reasonably private from those not interested in watching they can have sex there if they want. When I invite people for the night or the weekend or whatever I’m planning on washing the sheets after they leave anyway; and I’ll obviously be expecting them to use a bedroom, unless those are full and they get the office daybed or whatever. (I’d be pretty disconcerted to find them using my bedroom unless previously arranged, however; and ordinarily I’d expect them to ask where to sleep, if I hadn’t already pointed it out when they got here.)
If one routinely gives parties at which it’s assumed that anyone who wants crashes wherever they can find a spot to lie down and some of the guests will still be there the next morning for breakfast, then for people who know your parties are like that there’s no need to specify, and there may even be no need to specify who’s going to sleep where or with whom. There are parties like that, there’s nothing wrong with them, and I’ve been to some, though again not recently. But not all parties are like that, not all parties have to be like that, and assuming that one has a right to behave like that at those parties that are not like that is just plain rude.
Getting too drunk to drive home at a party where one isn’t expected to spend the night, especially without having provided yourself with a designated driver, is something that is just not done at any party I’ve been to since I was in, maybe, my early 30’s; and was frowned upon by then. If guests are likely to do that, then yes, it’s necessary to plan for them to stay overnight (or not to invite those particular guests). But if it’s not that kind of party, then it’s rude to assume it’s OK to do so.
What do you consider to drunk to drive home? The driver says their ok? They’ve had three beers over any length of time? They had a sip of alcohol.
One of my good friends has had 3 DUIs before he was legal to drink. When he has a single beer he won’t drive any more. Most of our parties have little kids at them so no one is getting drunk but it’s much easier for him to say “I’m going have a beer tonight is the guest room open?”. Other times its the kids that control its not worth moving the kid who’s passed out so the parents stay the night too. We routinely fill up all of our spare sleeping places at a party and it continues the next morning at breakfast.
Though honestly, if you are staying over at my house because you got too drunk to be comfortable driving, you don’t need to have sex in my beds. Its one night and you are drunk - sleep it off. There is a distinction between houseguests and party guests - but overnight crashers are an in between category and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex in someone else’s home if I was crashing - nor would I be comfortable with someone else having sex in my home if they were crashing. And I’m not stating that - that just seems to be good manners - you are sleeping over because you are too drunk to drive - you sleep, and preferably you leave before breakfast and take your shower at home.
And while we have often offered to let any guest stay the night if they feel they’ve imbibed too much - our friends don’t tend to drink themselves to excess when they are driving, or they avail themselves of an uber or call someone to get them and pick up their cars the next morning. Our gaming Fridays often involve alcohol, but we drink early in the evening and by the time the game closes, everyone (except perhaps the people who live here) are sober enough to drive home.
First, I wouldn’t exactly consider people staying the night to still be part of the party , so if you’re talking about people staying over and having sex in the guest bedroom, that’s really not what I’m thinking of when you say it’s not uncommon for people to have sex during a party.
Second, how small are these parties and/or how many guest bedrooms do your friends have? Half the people staying the night wouldn’t work at any party I’ve been to unless people were sleeping in the living room , on the floor, etc