If a potential SO is all about their Second Life (or similar) virtual lifestyle should that set off warning bells re the prospects for a healthy, long term real world relationship?
Define “all about.” A bit geeky about it, I’d say probably not, although it is something to keep an eye on. Spending hours every day with it–yeah, that’s a problem, and I’d not go near that.
Serious answer (brain):
It depends how ‘heavily invested’ they are, and also how interested you are in such computer games.
Some couples like to have some separate interests to keep their marriage fresh.
If it doesn’t cost too much and the gamer doesn’t neglect their family, i don’t see a problem.
Instinctive answer (groin):
Is she hot? ;):eek:
I lust after Katrina Darrell, even though she acted like a selfish bitch. 
:o
I would suggest that you not marry a person if you have not had a healthy, long term real world relationship with them.
If you’re at the marrying stage and you don’t know whether they are capable of sustaining healthy, long term real world relationship, there is something amiss in your vetting process.
I don’t think Virtual Life is any worse/better/different than being heavily involved in Golf, or mods for your Jeep, or any number of time consuming hobbies that are probably more expensive than Second Life. It depends if both people feel valued in the relationship.
I’d have huge hesitations. I’ve done it before and it’s caused some major problems.
I’m a pretty high energy person. I hate, hate, hate sitting around at home. Relaxing is one thing, but on weekends and nights I want to be out to dinner, out with friends, out walking around…something.
While I think it is healthy to have plenty of separate interests, I do like to go out doing stuff and it’s nice to have my SO around at least some of the time. And it’s a drag to go out with someone who is reluctant (and slow!) to leave and always anxious to get home because of a computer game.
I do think computer games are different than many other hobbies because they are always available. A golfer isn’t going to be itching to hit the links on a Friday night. And you can only spend so much time modding your Jeep before you need to wait for new parts to come in. But a game is always there. And I do think that makes it difficult for some people to be fully invested in their offline life.
I guess one of the main things I look for in an SO is someone to have fun with and have adventures with. And being heavily into MMOs means that probably isn’t going to happen a lot.
For someone who is truly immersed in a pasttime, is IS always available. If its not actually DOing the activity, it’s being glued to the TV or buried in a magazine or looking up gear reviews on the internet or participating in interest-themed forums.
The issue is not what the particular activity is, it’s whether the individual puts their hobby/pasttime above the relationship.
::shrug:: I made sure my husband was a gamer *before *I married him. We game together.
My brother is a World of Warcraft player, and he is also engaged. His fiancee knew about his hobby before they got together, as far as I know. Right now he is spending more time in front of the computer than not, but then again, they are currently in different cities, which will change soon. I know he calls her every night on Skype, and occasionally I’ll pop my head into his room and say hi when he does. When they are together he spends more time with her than on WoW, from what I can tell.
I think online gaming, like other time-intensive hobbies, is something you should know about before you get together with the person. By the time marriage is being discussed as a possibility, you should already know what you’re getting into. This is why I would like to find a guy who is into anime, or at least knows something about it other than Pokemon and teenage girls in sailor suits. If you don’t like my hobbies, at least be respectful about it.
Hail Second Lifers 
To echo what other people have said, it depends how heavily invested they are. I played FFXI for around 3-4 years and you couldn’t have dragged me away from it. It was the only thing on my mind, all the time. Looking back on it, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a person who was like I was.
There are a couple things you may want to consider. First, can you deal with the time they spend in the game / alternate world? In that respect, it is no different than any other hobby that takes them away from you.
Second, why are they into their virtual lifestyle? Is it just harmless fun, or is it a replacement for their real life? If they are linking too much of their identity and self-image to a virtual world, then you’ve got a bigger problem than just a lack of quality time together.
coughwhatservercough
In my experience, this only really works when either both parties are Second Lifers or the non-Lifer just isn’t all that interested in communicating with the Lifer.
There is so much more to maintaining a healthy, long-term, real world relationship that you can’t read too much into things like an active gaming life, or an active anything life. It’s nice if the couple shares the passion, but it’s not a detriment like being a pathological liar or womanizer.
My SO and I are both gamers. We met online and sustained a long-distance relationship for nearly 3 years. We both have crazy-gamer tendencies. But affects our relationship only as far as whether he’s going to pass out on the sofa or come to bed, and how much of a zombie he’ll be at work the next day. What makes a greater difference is that we have similar needs and temperaments, communicate well, make time for each other, share responsibilities, and are considerate of each other. This applies even when his gaming habits are more intense than mine, and vice versa.
My ex-boyfriend occasionally points to too much play of Ultima Online (back in the day) as a factor in our breakup.
Of course, I actually prefer being with friends and being social to online gaming. I just didn’t want to spend time with our housemates. This was not a good enough excuse.
If I’ve made a commitment to doing something with friends, whether it’s online or in facetime, I will hold to that commitment unless something important pulls me away. If I have a choice between another run through Blackrock Depths or snuggle time with an SO or going for a hike or watching a movie I’ve been looking forward to, I will go for the latter every time. If it’s a choice between WoW and doing something that doesn’t interest me more, all things being equal I will probably choose WoW.
I know plenty of guys who are not like this, though, and I wouldn’t date them… I know in particular one who more or less took nine months off working (he’d been laid off and just didn’t look for new work) to game instead.