We really should take over Canada. Think about it…well actually, don’t…that’s why I’m here explaining the benefits of it. What we would get would be so much more then what we would lose, if anything at all. Taking over Canada is so logical, it’s a miracle no one has ever found words to imortalize it, as I have.
It’s already the world’s longest, unpatrolled border. When you go to Canada by car, they ask you a few simple questions and you are done. 1) What is the purpose of your visit? 2) How long will you be staying? 3) Do you have any weapons, animals, fruits, or vegetables? That’s it! And, you could get in by answering them anyway you like. You could say, “To kill your president, 50 years, well aside from the AR-33 assault rifle, West Nile Virus infected Crow, this peach, and this redekio, I have nothing.” And they will still let you in. But that’s if you don’t mind the hassle of being stopped. You could probably very easily sneak in with the same items around the back of the toll booth. Since it is the world’s longest unpatrolled border, I say we take it just one step further, and join countries. Violence free.
Coming into the United States from Canada, it’s the same damn questions. You could even answer the same and still be considered “friendly”. Sickening.
While I have your attention directed to the borders, let me point out that at least 90% of Canada’s entire population lives within 200 miles of the United States. We won’t even need all of Canada, just the first 200 miles or so. We’ll let the other countries decide what to do with that land.
Escaping from the borders being stupid and pointless and moving on to military powers. Of course, no one knows about Canada’s military…oh wait. They don’t have one. That’s why. Their largest force is Randy, a 450 pound Canadian Mounted Police officer, and only because he’s big. He rides an ox. The point is, Canada relies on the United States for military protection. They hide within 200 miles of our imiltary shadow, and then thank us by adopting the European attitude of acting snooty towards us.
Canadians have plenty of reason for entering the United States, too. They pay about 60%-70% more for their everyday items than we do. Their economy doesn’t have anything bolstering it. At least here we have Alan Greenspan and Wall Street. If they came into the United States, their cost of living would be dramatically reduced, and for once you might hear about a Canadian millionaire, but of course, by then they will have been Americanized.
And finally, I’ll bet they would willingly join us. They would get definate military protection, better economy, stronger government, a chance to live in a warmer climate without denouncing their citizenship, and elimination of maintaining those expensive toll booths at the border.
So obviously taking over Canada is a wise choice. As a general rule, the United State’s population is 10 times the population of Canada. So our population would only increase 10% or so but we would get so much land, the United State’s size would double. The United State’s population would still be ranked 3rd in the world behind China and India, but the United States would be the largest, owning the current 3rd and 4th largest countries. The population density would be the lowest in the world, or close to it. And if the citizens of Canada don’t want to join us, we could buy them for $1000 a person, or roughly $30,000,000,000 which would get pooled back into our economy when they joined us anyway. All around, it’s a good deal.
We pretty much already have taken over Canada, culturally speaking. Except for the French speaking parts (where they dislike the rest of Canada AND the U.S.), Canada really resents the prevalence of U.S. culture.
This culture invasion is also the inspiration for SCTV’s Bob and Doug McKenzie. Canadian laws require a certain amount of programming to be “distinctly Canadian”. The producers of the show thought that was BS so they made up Bob and Doug, who embody all the traits of a stereotypical Canadian–eating donuts, drinking beer, saying “eh?”, etc.
Can’t say I looked hard, so I didn’t see the other threads, sorry.
Unfortunately it is right that Canadiens hate us. That is why they built the CN Tower to be taller than the Sears tower. It’s not really a tower, as the highest you can go is only about half way up, the rest is a huge antenna.
That’s like putting a barbecue match on a man’s dick and saying, “Look how big it is!” But us Americans got the better hand, we put a 22 foot extension on the antennas of the Sears tower, and made it 2 feet taller than the CN Tower. There’s a straightdope thing about that if you want more about that.
What can it lose? Besides, think of what we get. Large forests, abundant wood obviously, Lots of ocean space, abundant commercial fishing, not that many people, a sh** load of land, Alaska becomes continental U.S…get my point? We gain SOOOOOO much resources for little cost and a few people. Hardly put a dent in our population. We can’t lose. What reasons do you have that would make it a losing proposition? I’d like to hear them o wise one!
it’s called interdependence, and it’s not the best of scenarios. Next thing we know, famous crooner Johnny Gentle is sending all our garbage to new england, and the Quebecois insurgents are fucking our shit up.
Well, crazy Quebecians…ok…we’ll buy the rest of Canada for 500 a person, and the Quebecians for 1500, but they are french…now. Glen Humplik mean anything to anyone? No? Didn’t think so. Hmmmm, how to get around that…Well, we’ll burn that bridge when we get there.
My main concern is about Smokey the Bear. How is he gonna monitor all that new forestry? Hell, look at Montana, Arizona, Colorado, Wyoming, and Nevada. Fires up the wazoo. Imagine him having to look over twice as much?
i completely agree with the author… we have absolutly everything to gain and nothing to lose… all his points are very well writen and are completely true… i have to say that (amazingly enough) i couldnt have said it better myself… rock on… and LET’S TAKE CANADA!!
Slave labor sounded like a good idea, if slavery weren’t illegal in the States, but mining for molsen sounds like a plan. Of course, we could send some investors and “motivators” into Canada and operate from there and enjoy the benefits of mercantilism. Hmmmm, but which way would we make more money?
I also noticed the person totally opposed to my plan hasn’t said anything yet either…more proof of the feasability of my plan.
Ok, new idea. If you are Canadien, and you read this entire rambling, post whether or not you consent to the idea, or if you can be bought, and for how much.
We would lose our biggest trading partner through a military takeover. Economies, surprisingly, do not have the tendency to respond well to being invaded by a foreign military.
Who’s this “we” you speak of so blithely? And how do we know you’re not just pretending to be an American so as to stir up trouble between us and our dear friend, Canada? Admit it, you’re Icelandic, aren’t you! You’re hoping we’ll go to war so you can step in and grab Greenland in all the chaos! Well, we’re not going to fall for it!
Do you think that we could be bought for a mere $1000.00? Do you think we would give up our identity for such a mere amount of money? And why would you offer the Quebecers more?
Wait… $1000.00… that’s good for 55 cases of beer here… that means the Quebecers could buy more beer…not fair.
As tempting as it sounds my vote would still be NO.