The American Annexation of Canada: A Practical Proposal

Great Debates
1

In North America, there is a country that occupies more land mass than any other single country. It owns huge forests, oil reserves, and plenty of good coastline with good fishing. That country uses very little of its best land. Of course, that country is Canada. It was slowly formed out of a British colony, and was the Dominion of Canada even as the United States was pushing westward. With that history, they have no revolutionary figures like Jefferson or Paine to look back on. Their mass resistance to American annexation is unlikely.

There is another thing working to the American advantage here: The French Canadian independence movement. Concentrated in the provinces of Quebec and Ontario, it holds most of Canada’s population, industry, and economy but little of its prime land. That region contains most of Canada’s tax base, vital for their liberal social works projects. Recently, there was a referendum in those provinces to secede from Canada and become their own nation. It narrowly went for preserving the union. But the support for secession is there. All America has to do is wait for it to capture 51% of the vote.

Once Ontario and Quebec secede, the bulk of Canada will be faced with problems: Without the tax base or government those two most populous provinces provided, their infrastructure and social works will erode. They, the western provinces as well as the far-east Atlantic provinces, will be looking for government and people. The United States is continually looking for land and resources. A bloodless annexation is only the next logical step.

The United States government and people will be very excited about getting more land and oceanic coast. We will be excited about getting the farmland of Saskatchewan and the timber of British Columbia. Newfoundland has good fishing and Maine would jump at a chance to absorb New Brunswick. Finally having a part of Hudson Bay would be very good.

The Canadians would be excited as well. America has a very strong economy, and not having to worry about the exchange rate when shopping in places like New York or Los Angeles will be good for them. They can find high-tech jobs in Seattle and Silicon Valley. They would gladly give up bureaucratic social works programs for significantly lower taxes. In short, there are very few downsides for either party here.

Any questions, comments?

2

As long as I get to kill those flappy headed, beady eyed, foul mouthed Canadians and eliminate words like “aboot” from the language, I’m game.

Seriously, you’re right that Canada has a lot of goodies, but the USA generally doesn’t do that sort of thing any more. And I doubt Quebec is actually going to secede. Granted, my knowledge of Canada is not that great, but IIRC the only Quebecans who want to secede are a very vocal minority party.

3

49.63% is a fairly large minority. In 1980, the split was 60-40. The margin is narrowing. It might happen. I’m looking to the newly-elected PM to do something that would piss off the Frenchies and swing the referendum. All it would take is a few percentage points. And when it does happen, a few hundred thousand square miles of prime logging and farming land are ours for the taking. Imagine being able to vacation in the Canadian Rockies without having to submit to a Border Patrol inspection.

4

Sounds like a great idea, and I for one would enjoy seeing it happen. But there is the question about the metric system… The U.S. still holds very strongly to the system we use now, and as an earlier attempt has shown, it’s unlikely we’ll ever convert. Most of Canada uses metric, and there is no way I can see them changing from such a great system.

And then there’s the language situation as well. Most of Canada (the northern parts anyway) speak French (or some dialect of it). While the U.S. doesn’t have an official language, I think we can safely say that French does not make up a significant perecentage of the languages spoken here.

And now there’s the whole international embarrasment of our current election. Yeah, I can see the mobs of rebels running for the American borders now. It’ll definitely be a while before anyone has any respect for our president (whoever he may turn out to be).

Besides, where would we all run to if the draft gets reinstated?

5

You couldn’t do it in 1776 or 1812, what makes you think you could do it now, you bloated candy-ass crybabies? Your mother was a hedgehog, and your father stinks of elderberries.

6

Ok, let’s inject some historical and political accuracy into the original post before we contemplate the questions presented.

First of all, Ontario is not voting to secede from the Union, only Quebec. Quebec itself is a much smaller chunk of the country. Ontario actually RUNS Canada, to hear the people of the Western Provinces tell the tale, and given that they have roughly one-third the total population, and have voted consistently for the Liberal party the last few elections, it isn’t hard to see why they think that.

The OP makes a common mistake in thinking that Canada has no rich history of patriotic figures. I would submit that William Lyon Mackenzie, Luis Joseph Papineau, John MacDonald and others are viewed as quite patriotic figures. The fact that they didn’t have to lead an armed insurrection against Great Britain doesn’t mean that the average Canadian doesn’t think of Canada as a concept worth keeping alive. And there are few, if any, Canadians who really think that union with the United States would be a positive result. Certainly, the seperatists of Quebec can be counted upon to oppose any such concept for Quebec!

The following statement by the OP,

shows a total lack of understanding of the average Canadian. Indeed, the results of the recent federal election show that most Canadians will NOT give up their ‘bureaucratic social works’ programs for ANYTHING, let alone the hyperbole of ‘lower taxes’. The Alliance lost the election precisely because of the fact its leader was tarred with the brush of doing just that, despite the fact Mr. Day asserted vigorously that he contemplated no such thing. It is a peculiarly American notion among developed countries that low taxes are an especially good thing, see the column from Uncle Cecil issued 12/1/00.

In short, the OP lives in fantasy land. There is no evidence that Canadians (outside of the French minority) don’t think of Canada as a country worth keeping; Canada has a rich tradition of patriotism, just not revolution; Canadians are hardly jumping at the chance to become American, especially not those most likely to secede from the Union (i.e. Quebec).

Other than that it sounds plausible, except in reality I’m not sure that most Americans would want to take on ten or twelve new states, many of which dwarf most of ours in size…

7

If I was a patriotic American I would would be more worried about a mass exodus of Americans from the fractured, anarchic political system that reigns in my own backyard.

We were able to elect our leader in less than a day.

I would also be very worried about the educated, peace-loving elites of my own country leaving my individualistic, small-minded, crime-ridden nation for the healthier, kinder country to the North.

Shut yo mouth 'bout Canada, eh.

8

What makes you think Canada or Quebec would be interested? Heck, you can’t even convince Puerto Rico to become a state.

Sorry folks, but I’d rather live in a country where people are more tolerant, live longer (and pay less for health care), have better access to higher education, have a coordinated banking system, don’t have to worry much about gun nuts or crime, have far fewer fundies, don’t have one of the world’s highest incarceration rates, are not tied down with excessive legislation and litigation, and still have space to live in.

Hey, you have a nice country and all. Wonderful people. Good roads. A fine place to visit – no, make that a wonderful place to visit. I truly love travelling through the US. But I wouldn’t want to live there. For me the thought of being an American sets me giggling.

So despite Jean Cretien being your next president, please don’t think that it means that the countries are merging.

9

The year is 1812.

The population of the US look to the North. They see the poor, enslaved, imperially tyrannized Canadian masses and nobly decide to liberate them from the octopus that is John Bull. They march up north and offer their help.

The Canadians say, “No, thank you.”

The Americans do not take no for an answer.

The Canadians - both soldiers and civilian militia - kick the Americans’ asses for a couple years.

The Americans finally take the hint.

The moral of the story is that not everyone shares Americans’ high opinions of living in the United States.

But thank you kindly anyway.

10

There isn’t any such country as “the Dominion of Canada.” It’s just called “Canada.”

There is no French Canadian independence movement in Ontario. There are damned few French Canadians in Ontario, for that matter. Ontario is the heart of Canadian nationalism.

I’m a little concerned about your annexation plans if you don’t know what the country is called or where the French Canadians live. :slight_smile:

11

Derleth: do we have to come down there and burn your national capital again? We kicked your butt last time you tried to annex us… and don’t give me this “we outnumber you” line… we have winter on our side.

Now, the correct question to have asked is: should Canada annex Alaska?

12

**

Sure, but outside of Canada who cared?

That would explain all those Canadians with computer degrees moving to the states for better jobs.

Marc

13

{{yawn . . .}}
Give me a call once you figure out how to elect a head of state.
{{muffin rolls over and goes back into winter hibernation}}

{{however, questions continue to flow through muffin’s groggy mind}}
But how can they even think about enticing Canada when they cant even persuade Puerto Rico into statehood?
{{scratch, stretch, sniff . . .}}

{{muffin begins to have a thought – the first thought in days}}
Well, let’s think on this for a while.
{{muffin thinks . . .and scratches . . . and thinks . . .}}

Canada’s human development index is the top in the world, and has been for a number of years. Why mess with a good thing.

Canadians live longer than Americans, and in particular, we don’t let our babies die at the rate Americans do. But Canada spends almost a half less per capita on health care than the US.

We have far more folks per capita enrolled in higher education than any G7 nation, including the US.

We spend less than half the GDP per capita than the US does in preparation to blow up the world or significant portions thereof. On a more personal scale, our violent crime rate is lower than the US. I need not even go into the US gun cult travesty, the insanely litigious US culture, and the US problem with the religious right.

We offer lower cost R&D through better tax incentives than the US, and have lower federal-provincial combined corporate tax rates than states such as Texas, Washington, Ohio, New Hampshire, Minnesota, California and North Carolina. We have an energy surplus rather than an energy loss, and cheaper power rates. Get this: we even have the best rate of return on capital of any G7 nation’s business sector, including the US.

We have so much more land and water than the US, in both absolute and per capita terms, that it is difficult to explain the concept of living space to them. Similarly, it is difficult to explain what it is like to live in a country which is spiritually big enough to encourage people to hold different beliefs, different cultures and different languages.

http://www-nt.who.int/whosis/statistics/whr_statistics/select.cfm?path=statistics,whr_statistics,whr_select&language=english

http://www.odci.gov/cia/publications/factbook/indexgeo.html

http://www.dfait-maeci.gc.ca/apec/presentations/

http://www.undp.org/hdr2000/english/HDR2000.html

{{too many statistics . . . muffin yawns, curls up with several cats, and falls asleep again . . .zzz . . .zzz . . .zzz . . .}}

14

During the last go round the folks in my mom’s town (St. Stephen) turned back the invading Americans by putting on a fireworks display for them. Just like little kids, the Americans got distracted, forgot why there were there in the first place, and returned home after the show.

15

Derleth, do you even know how capitalism works? Countries do not harvest/allocate natural resources. Corporations harvest/allocate natural resources. Given the lack of trade barriers between Canada and the states, it would cost pretty much the same amount of money to import (for example) four shipping containers of lumber from the city of Prince George (in British Columbia) to Austin, Texas regardless of whether British Columbia is part of Canada or the states.

The only way that conquering/annexing Canada could make more resources available to america is if the america were to have a planned economy (i.e. communism) that does not import anything; and it’s a pretty safe assumption that communism isn’t very popular in the states.

16

Well, if those recalcitrant Canadians don’t want to join the fold, how about http://www.guyanausa.org/home.htm
:wink:

17

American Woman, stay away from me.

Don’t need your war machines…

STAY OUT! Keep your guns, your egos and your bad water. We will enjoy the beauty of our unused space and the peace of nature.

18

Guyana joining the US? Let’s have a look-see.

In 2000 the US the elephants are trying to put the son of a President into power through electoral votes directed by that president’s other son. Thousands of citizen’s votes are not being counted, despite the protests of those voters. Meanwhile, back at the congressional level, the donkeys propped up the widow (Jean Carnahan) of a posthumously elected dead guy.

When the president of Guyana kicked off in 97, his widow (Janet Jagan) stepped in to run the country. When an election was finally held, thousands of voter cards were not delivered in time, and almost a dozen voting stations were moved without notice. The people cried foul over election irregularities, but to no effect.

Yup. Looks like a good match.

19

Keep american egos out? I don’t think anything can compare to canadian egos. Hell I play games with canadians on battle.net, wanna know what the canadians team is called? Ego

20

Okay, this has gone on long enough. I’m glad that most of you took it in the spirit it was intended: Humor. I never once intended this thread to be a ‘for real’ debate. I can see all the flaws in my arguments, my jingoism, and my ‘save them from themselves’ fallacies. Now that I know everyone else can, too, I’m happy. On a more serious note, I guess America really has lost its ‘conquer the world’ spirit. Like a fat and sated Rome, we can look out over land we’ll never own and make business deals for it instead of fighting wars to win it. Interesting that we can change so much over just 100 years.