SHUT UP! (possible Pianist spoilers)

The BBQ Pit
1

So tonight I went to see The Pianist.

Nearly every theatre I go to these days is filled with people chatting incessantly, so when I walked in and saw just 5 other people, I rejoiced. At last, a movie I would enjoy without intrusion from the other patrons.

I was sooo wrong.

First, the elderly couple behind me starts laughing when one of the characters mentions that France will be joining Britain in the war against Germany. I shush them.

Then the two moronic middle-aged women at the end of the row start gabbing. “Oh, that’s so horrible,” one says as we watch German soldiers round up the Jews. “I can’t believe they really did that,” says the other. The two whisper inanely for a moment about one of the greatest human tragedies ever. “Unbelievable,” says one. “I know, isn’t it amazing?” replies the other. I shush them.

The old folks behind me start talking again–this time the guy’s sharing his war experience: “Those kinds of weapons can kill a person…” Wow! Really! You mean Roman Polanski didn’t make that up? A gun fired at close range can KILL someone?

And the women chime in: “Oh, they’re hungry. This is so sad.”

It’s a movie about the Holocaust! Of course it’s sad! Did they mean to go see How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?

Dumb women: “Oh, now it’s snowing?”

Me: “Shhh!”

Old guy behind me: “When we landed in Normandy…”

Me: “Shhh!”

Old guy burps. Loudly.

Me (angry and now grossed out): “Shhh!”

Then, Szpilman is taken to his second hiding place, the apartment with the piano in it.

Dumb woman: “Well, he can’t play it.”

AGH!

Thank you for making the world’s most obvious and insensitive comment. Good lord! We know! Don’t you see how that adds to the psychological torture he’s experiencing?

Me (in my head): Shut the fuck up, you moron bitch! You’re the reason movie theatres should administer IQ tests!

Me (out loud): Please be quiet!

Old guy burps again.

I should have left. Damn people. I didn’t pay to listen to them talk, and it was especially galling considering how much of the movie was silence which these asses decided they had to fill with their yammering. Have they never heard of sound design? Did they ever think that, hey, parts of the film are silent because SZPILMAN IS ALONE IN THE WARSAW GHETTO BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS BEEN TAKEN TO DEATH CAMPS? Did they ever think that the theatre is not their living room, and they should not feel free to talk and BELCH? And are these the same asses who follow me to EVERY FREAKING MOVIE I SEE?

2

I had the same exact experience when I saw The Piano a while back. Well, not the same exact experience, but close enough that it’s eerie. At one point, when I could take no more, I actually did say out loud, “This is not your living room! Shhhhh!”. It worked, but unfortunately, I didn’t get around to doing it til towards the end of the film. I haaaaaate people who talk during films.

3

It’s weird… I don’t go to very many films at all, but I’ve been to a few (especially around the gay and lesbian film festival) and I have never had problems with people talking during the screening.

4

Damn, I had to shush some people at The Pianist, too. Movie theater has maybe 15 people in it when a group of 6-8 middle-aged “What did he say?” types walk in and sit right behind us. Couple on the end closest to us spent the first 30-45 minutes of the film telling each other what just happened (beginning with her comment to him as the film started, “See? It’s Focus, but the o is out of focus”) until I turned around and said, “If you’re going to be ill-mannered enough to talk through the whole film, would you at least please whisper?”

5

Great movie, with images and feelings that stayed with me a long time after I left the theater.

We went to a matinee, with a half-full theatre, mostly older people. They mostly kept quite, but somebody’s cell phone went off. (Why, why can’t people remember to turn the damn things off?)

Its ringer played Hava Nagila.

6

My god, if ever a movie needed silence to watch it, this was it. I mean, there wasn’t even that much dialogue! Silence was the POINT! You sit there and take in the images! And listen to the music! And think about the situation and feel moved!

I was lucky–the only sound I heard were sniffles. Not many people in the theatre that night, fortunately.

7

It’s just not fair. Not only are gays prettier, funnier and smarter-they’re better behaved in to movies too?
Some days, I hate being heterosexual.

Seriously, I had the same experience that ** CrankyAsAnOldMan* **, did although when we went the theater was rather full.
The audience was very quiet and respectful.

*Is there a standardized SDMB abbreviation of your name? I wouldn’t want to piss off anyone that advertises that level of crankiness.

8

If there were only five other people in the theater, why didn’t you move to a seat away from the others?

9

Three reasons:

  1. This was a tiny, tiny theatre. There simply weren’t many other seats to choose from.

  2. These people were LOUD.

  3. My eyesight’s not so wonderful, so I choose my movie seats based on how well I can see the screen.

10

Cranky’s fine. People sometimes also write it as CAAOM. I’m not too easily offended; you could just as well say “That stupid hag who just posted” and I’d nod and wave.

It’s a misnomer. I’m actually a sweet little marshmallow.

11

Ta Cranky!
Some posters and mod.s are extremely touchy about their nom de plume and I don’t want to start annoying people inadvertently.

12

Okay; just wondering. Sorry you had to put up with that!

13

I will admit to one indiscretion during the movie: In answer to a whispered question from my wife, I said back in a low voice, “It’s a can opener.”

14

I’ve been wondering when the spoiler was gonna appear! :wink: