Sick of This "Breeder" Crap

The BBQ Pit
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[QUOTE=amijane]

Thing is, I was really just trying to explain to parents how things can appear from a childfree perspective, not justify people acting like arseholes. Name calling can seldom be justified, in my experience. But denying that society congratulates couples for reproducing when that was certainly not always the responsible choice for that couple, isn’t exactly realistic. Simply put, parenthood is applauded, childlessness is not, for whatever reasons on either side. Both states exist in the main due to a binary choice: to reproduce or not - why should state be more valued than the other? That’s how it feels to be childfree; to be valued less than parents, any parents, when considering recognition/tacit approval offered to them and not us. And it does feel “them and us” sometimes, which is a great shame. To not be a parent is to be excluded from a big club that encompasses the majority of adults in the world, as far as I’m aware.

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I agree that the “them and us” mentality is sad and does no one any good.

Both sides are guilty of overcompensating, and defensiveness. Most people are when it comes to their life choices, and especially to their children. On the other hand, I sometimes feel inferior to people who find great satisfaction in their careers, as I have a good job but not one that brings me any recognition or status, as I chose to spend most of my attention and time on my kid. I think everyone looks at the other side and says “what if” and for some people that breeds defensiveness or envy.
We all need to find fulfillment in something. Maybe the ‘breeders’ are just looking for that fulfillment in the only way they think they can get it. The few people I know who had lots of kids just because they could, were not the ones with lots of options open to them, you know what I mean? If you don’t think you are going to amount to much in life on your own, maybe you think having kids is the only way to feel needed. It’s sad really. I think most people’s jerkishness toward the other side is their own need to justify their lives to themselves.

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[QUOTE=Licentious Ectomorph]
Why that would be ever so – thanks! :stuck_out_tongue:

KIDDING! :smiley:

Actually, that’s pretty much exactly the case, isn’t it? It’s the parents’ jobs to suppress their children’s little ids; being civilized isn’t inborn, and is in fact counter to our instincts. The benefit of cooperating with others (or at least not antagonizing them) is something we have to be taught.

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Perhaps you are just being funny, but this saddens me–along with your Marge Simpson quote.
These are general remarks:

Children are not lawless heathens, bent on making your life miserable-or anyone’s life miserable. Children are faced with challenges every day in a big scary world, and all too soon they learn that they cannot admit their fears because they might be laughed at/scorned/left behind/pointed out as a “baby”.

We were all children once. We ALL benefitted from the “village” to become productive members of society. Why not help those who are starting out? Is it all, “I got mine, so nuts to you”?

I never really knew about this animosity towards kids until I started posting here–but then, I live in suburbia, where the Kid is King. That also is NOT GOOD–for anyone, really.

I have known kids that I would have happily smacked into next week, if I believed in doing such things–but I tend to blame the parents for making such lil monsters. Now that I have some teens, I see teens treated like crap–and I have to wonder. Why? Is it some type of weird projection from mistreatment in the past that makes some adults so down on kids and teens? Is the thought process I was yelled at by that old man on the corner for just walking by, so now I yell at those kids who walk by me?

How is this helpful or even nice? I have wandered way OT, but I don’t get it. Calling people breeders is just part and parcel of the whole negative attitude towards those who will help us when we are old and incontinent. I am doing my best to ensure that at least 3 of them are well mannered, thoughtful and able to contribute. I tend to give most parents the same consideration (yes, I know there are exception and some of them literally make me sick).

In a related topic: I have no resentment of those “non-breeders”; I do wish that the American corporate world recognized more than the husband goes to work and mom stays home with junior scenario, but we have made strides. I work in health care, 93+% female, and there is no “break” for nurses who give birth. You might get 6 weeks maternity leave, but it’s only paid, if you saved enough Paid Time Off. There is no “light duty” for pregnant moms in the nursing profession-I worked nocs while pregnant, had infectious patients, combative and violent pts etc; there is no accomodation made for breastfeeding or even sick kids. It’s terrible. I don’t mean elevate the pregnant, nor do I mean to worship the child–but surely there is room for tolerance and a recognition that needs differ?

Sorry, off on a soapbox/tangent.

Could any of you, (not those who have obviously flung down the gauntlet, but those who are in the middle) please remember that you were once small and powerless and treat those who are(and those who care for them) with some kindness and forethought? Just askin’.

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[QUOTE=eleanorigby]

[snip]

Could any of you, (not those who have obviously flung down the gauntlet, but those who are in the middle) please remember that you were once small and powerless and treat those who are(and those who care for them) with some kindness and forethought? Just askin’.
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I do. I try to be considerate of people with kids and pregnant women. What bothers me is when people with kids are not considerate of others. If your child doesn’t know how/is too young to behave in a restaurant, get a babysitter. I had a meeting tonight, held at a restaurant, that our treasurer didn’t attend because she didn’t have anyone to take care of her two-year-old, who she knew would not be quiet or still for the duration of the meeting. It annoys me when a mom has two kids in a side by side stroller as wide as my Jeep and blocks the entire aisle of the store with it. It annoys me when parents let their children scream, scream, scream in public places. You may be used to their screaming, but I’m not. It starts my adrenaline up, and the small part of my brain that contains the atrophied maternal instinct is telling me to find out why the child is screaming and make it stop.

I am glad people who want children have them. I think one of the most unjust things in this world is that some women want children so badly, and can’t have them, while I have spend thousands of dollars over the years to prevent something they would kill to have. However, I don’t think having children confers on a parent the right to infringe on the rights of others. It doesn’t stop common politeness from applying to you because you have kids.

And, in conclusion, to all the assholes who told me when I was 19 that I would change my mind about not wanting children: pfffffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttt. I’m 45 now. I still do not like or want kids. So bite me.

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[QUOTE=amijane]
Yes I read your post, in full. Apparently you haven’t read any of mine in as much detail as you believe if you think I am childfree by choice.
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It’s irrelevant to the discussion at hand. Either you have kids or you don’t. If you don’t, that’s not a state that deserves “Credit” irrespective of whether that state is by choice or by circumstance. I don’t deserve “Credit” for not being a professional basketball player by virtue of not being physically able to do it.

Except, of course, that I never said anything about why you do or don’t have children. It makes no difference in the context of the discussion (obviously, I consider it terribly unfortunate if someone wants kids and can’t have them, but that’s a different issue.) We’re talking about an issue that theoretically applies to anyone, not just you or me. You’ll notice I’m not dragging my status into the discussion; anecdotes are of very little value in these sorts of things.

If you want vitriol-free discussion you need to check what forum you’re posting in. This isn’t the right one. Try Great Debates.

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snakescatlady -I totally agree. Rudeness goes both ways, but we were focused on the disparagement of parenthood here.
I have watched “parents” let their kids stand on tables at MacDonald’s and stuff like that. They make life hell for everyone, not just non-parents. There do seem to be more of them nowadays, but perhaps that is just an increased awareness on my part.

Not directed at scl:

We all want validation and recognition in our lives, even if it’s a the tiny level of “good morning; how are you?”. Things like this make life better and a bit easier. I make sure to do things like this for kids, because I don’t want to be a part of souring them on human life, so that when they are adults, they make caustic remarks about kids…a viscous cycle, IMO.

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[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady]
I do. I try to be considerate of people with kids and pregnant women. What bothers me is when people with kids are not considerate of others. If your child doesn’t know how/is too young to behave in a restaurant, get a babysitter. I had a meeting tonight, held at a restaurant, that our treasurer didn’t attend because she didn’t have anyone to take care of her two-year-old, who she knew would not be quiet or still for the duration of the meeting. It annoys me when a mom has two kids in a side by side stroller as wide as my Jeep and blocks the entire aisle of the store with it. It annoys me when parents let their children scream, scream, scream in public places. You may be used to their screaming, but I’m not. It starts my adrenaline up, and the small part of my brain that contains the atrophied maternal instinct is telling me to find out why the child is screaming and make it stop.

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I agree these annoyances are trying on all of us. But why single out kids and inattentive parents? Anyone can be an annoying pain in the ass. Adults with cellphones…crooked parkers…cart abandoners…and on and on. We all agree that people can be a pain in the ass. I don’t need to run a flag up the pole to announce my annoyance with a particular group. Take a number!