So… my sister in law Nini is leaving for Tennessee to help her parents, because her dad just had knee replacement surgery and I guess it didn’t turn out as well as it could have, and her mom had hip replacement recently. She’ll be gone for almost a month. She’s always done all the housework, cooking, taking care of the cats, etc etc etc. My sister Chris works about 70 hours a week, so… it works out.
So, while Nini is gone, my sister Chris will be left stranded. She doesn’t know how to boil water!! She hasn’t gone grocery shopping in almost five years!! She thought the best way to clean out the cat box is to throw litter down the toilet!!! She CAN’T be left alone. The house would burn down. I’ll be driving over to help almost every day… it’s my good deed for the year.
I think you’re being a good sibling, in spite of challenges from the other side. But honestly, how does someone not go grocery shopping in five years? That seems really strange to me.
If she was just sitting around the house, it would be strange. But if she’s working seventy hours a week, she may not have time to go out and shop or do other household work.
I suppose. I just can’t imagine a life so busy and so with someone else who is so reliable that it’s never been necessary in five years to do some grocery shopping yourself. No matter how busy I am, I need to do shopping or it won’t happen. But then again, I don’t work those kind of hours, and I don’t have anyone else who could help out with those chores at this point in my life.
You’re a nice sister, although I do hope you’ll be showing her how to do some of this stuff herself, rather than just doing it for her. It’s always a good boost to self esteem to realise you can do stuff that you previously thought was ‘too hard’.
My husband goes away from time to time and I always struggle with putting petrol in the car! It’s one of those things we do when we’re out and about in the weekend and he always does it. The first time I do it, I’m always really nervous, but I’m fine after that.
When my uncle died several years ago my aunt discovered there were a bunch of things she didn’t know how to do because he had always done them for her. Her daughter (my cousin) had to show her how to do simple things like put gas in the car.
Divisions of labor are nice, but everyone should know how to do basic stuff such as pay bills, shop, cook, etc. It’s not good to be too dependent on someone else. No matter how much you love each other, at some point the other person may not be around.
Oh. Um… yes, there’s one more thing. Until four years ago, my sister Christina used to be my brother Christopher. I think that’s possibly why she never learned any of these things.
I guess if you’re old enough that makes sense. Nowadays, a guy being that bad would be pretty weird. Even my dad can fend for himself if he needs to, and he’s never lived alone. He’ll do the bare minimum, and not worry about food actually tasting good, but he can manage.
A definite contingent of male-to-female folk identifying as lesbians and female-to-male people identifying as gay guys exists on the two Facebook transgender groups that I joined.
I’d say it’s more a division of labor issue than a gender role issue. I’m a single guy so I have to, of necessity, do all the household work as well as earn the household income. If I were married, I might have focused on earning the income while my wife took care of the house. Or I might have taken care of the house while she earned the income.
I live in the Official Trans Capital of the Known World, my sister is trans, come to think of it, most of my friends are trans/genderqueer/etc etc etc., and… I still don’t get it. I don’t think anybody gets it. I don’t think it can be gotten.
here’s what I mean:
(Transcript of an actual conversation)
Me: So, if a trans woman is romantically attracted to women, she’s a lesbian?
Sister: Yep.
Me: Okay… but what about all the trans men we know who identify themselves as lesbians? Because they all do. What does that mean?
Sister: I don’t know.
Me: What about intersex people? We know a lot of them, too…
Sister: I really don’t know.
Me: And what if you have a couple where A defines herself as a trans woman who doesn’t take hormones or have surgery… B is born sysgendered female and identifies as genderqueer… but they, well, YOU know, they “work things out” like a het couple. Not like lesbians. You know what I mean. ( Note: This is a real thing.)
I don’t want to hijack the thread, but are there any current transgender discussion threads going on? I’d love to have a nice, non-judgemental discussion about transgender issues, and how to be a good “evil stepmother” (my nickname for myself when speaking to “Kent” … Kent just calls me dad’s girlfriend or stepmom whichever is appropriate at the time) to my partners’ transman child.
Thank you. I haven’t read it yet, but I found it on a search, and just wasn’t sure if it was cool to reopen. I consider myself open-minded on gender issues, but I am actually not as informed as I would like to be. My partner’s child (23) identifies as male and while I don’t know him well I want to be a supportive person in his life.
I took a break from the boards for most of a year and a half, so I didn’t see this thread when it originated. Again, thanks.
Seriously, housework isn’t rocket science. I could teach even a stupid person how to wash clothes, run the dishwasher and use the microwave all in one day.
The OP sounds like she has a heart of gold but jeesh, if you REALLY want to help this person, teach him to fish as opposed to just feeding him one.
