2 summers ago, I worked with a couple of women who did the same thing. They both were fine-boned and pretty skinny. I have a big frame and am probably carrying a bit of extra weight. They used to play the “I’m so fat” game a lot. I wouldn’t give into them, and then starting saying “Look, it’s pretty obvious that I’m larger than you are. When you tell me that you think you are fat, how do you think that makes me feel?”
I used to have a boss who bitched about being in a 50% tax bracket. Well, fuck-a-day, let me just fry the whole computer network for ya and crash the business, asshole. Then your income will be less troublesome…
I had a friend – I use the term loosely – who used to do that. She was 5’2", 110 with sand in her pockets, wore a size 0.
She also, on several occasions, made a huge deal of quitting smoking just to revel in the congratulations and attention, only to start up again the next day, or even the same day, and dismiss it with “Oh, I quit quitting.” She complained endlessly about how strict and controlling her parents were (nice of them to give her a car then replace it after a year with a brand-new one), made sure that everyone know how horribly “abused” she was, then got offended when people started giving advice or offering to help her out of the situation. She would sit on the table and make out with her boyfriend just to make sure we all had to watch her with whoever had his hand down her pants that week. She blushingly confided that she had forgotten to wear a bra – to every single person she talked to that day. When the novelty of that wore off, she “forgot” to wear panties.
There’s a point at which you just say “yeah, whatever,” and focus on someone who’s not fishing with every hook they can come up with.
I just agree with them. “Boy, I’ll say. You’re a whale. If you were any fatter, you’d have your own UN delegation. When you roll over in bed at night, the tide comes in. Frankly, I’m disgusted that they let elephantine hose-monsters like you out in the daylight, where normal people can see you.” Since these girls usually weight about as much as my left thigh, they usually just look at me guiltily and then shut up.
I agree that it’s annoying, but I don’t think they’re doing it to boost their ego or fish for compliments. They do it because suburban teenage girls live in a peculiarly cutthroat world, in which nothing is punished so swiftly or so surely as having too high an opinion of oneself. If they don’t cut themselves down on a regular basis, the others will do it for them.
What, bitter about my adolescence? Me? Nah…
How well did this work?
dwc1970, “fat” girls may not give a shit about what guys find attractive. I personally want to lose weight so I am happy with my body.
When I was 14, I had the usual self-esteem and body issues. I had been skinny (my mother bought my jeans in the boys’ department) until puberty hit – and then it was all about the ass, and I had no boobs to speak of.
Now I’m 36, and a few years ago I came across a picture of myself on the beach, in my swimsuit, about age 14. Sure, I had the frizzy perm, the huge plastic glasses, and the braces. But wow! Check out that skinny bod! I wish I had appreciated those thighs when I had them. And clearly my 14-year-old self had NO IDEA what a huge ass really looks like. She thought a size 13 was big. She was an idiot.
It’s annoying behavior.
But we’re all guilty of complaining about something that SOMEONE else thinks we have no right to complain about. We’ve all looked at our reflections in the mirror and whined about facial acne, oblivious to the pizza-face that may be within earshot. We’ve all complained about being “broke” while eating at a restaurant, sipping on a $5 beer, while a minimum-wage earning busboy clears the table.
I know I’ve been guilty in the past. I was at a conference a few months ago and after a group of coworkers went to a seafood restaurant, I felt very bloated and fat. I remember looking at myself in the mirror in the hotel room and saying something like, “Oh, my thighs have swollen in size!” while my much heftier roommate rolled her eyes at me. Maybe it was inconsiderate of me to talk about my weight in front of her, but I wasn’t intentionally trying to get attention. I sincerely felt fat.
Some girls like to fish.
fish for compliments THAT IS.
I hate when people do that. I have a friend who weighs 105 pounds and she constantly comments on how fat she is and talks about those “extra” 5 pounds she needs to loose. Now, I cannot stand when people do or say things to get attention and I know that I weigh alot more than her so I just tell her that she needs to loose about 95 lbs, not 5 and that she should apologize to everyone she walks by because the sight of her will surely torture them for the rest of their lives.
I think she was being oversensitive. My best friend, who is 5’7" and wears a size zero would never say that she is fat. But when she is all bloated and PMSing, she sure as hell complains about feeling fat. Feeling huge and bloated is unpleasant, whether your normal weight is 105 or 205. You did nothing wrong.
One skinny minnie that I know recently pulled the “oh I’m so fat” thing with me. I responded by giving her helpful weight loss advice. “Have you thought of joining Weight Watchers? I know a lot of people who have had a lot of success with that program. Did you ever think of joining a gym? My Aunt Ethel joined Curves a month ago and she’s lost 5 pounds already!”
Have you ever noticed the difference between the people that say, “I am fat”, and the people that say they “feel fat”? Green Bean hit that one in his/her post. I have used the term feeling fat during a pretty bad PMS moment, but I wouldn’t consider myself to be anything but a healthy weight. So what if I don’t wear a size 6. My size 12 suits me just fine, and if my tag says “large”, well, so be it.
I usually walk away from the thin gals who say they are fat, and I won’t give them that compliment they are fishing for. Look for validation somewhere else. I think some of them are too skinny, if you ask me.
Another thing to remember is often when people say that they are fat, they compare it to a previous body image.
I make a good example of this. In my junior year of high school I wrestled at either 135 or 140. Now a little over two years and a much lazier lifestyle later I clock in at about 180.
I am around 5 foot 11 inches tall which means that by most peoples standards I am not fat. The problem is I consider myself fat because I can remember a time where I was so much skinnier.
I never really stopped to think that me saying I was fat would piss off the heavier people. It’s just that having to suck in my gut to put on a pair of pants that used to be baggy on me is pretty disheartening.
But then again, some of us fat girls (I prefer the term voluptuous) DO give a shit about what guys find attractive. If more guys had the balls to admit that fat girls aren’t so bad, maybe more fat girls would feel a little better about themselves.
I’m surprised no one’s attempted to blame this on the media…
Yes. It’s the proportion thing. I’m not and never was one of those tiny size 2 types (sigh) but at 5’6, 135-140 lbs (depending what time of the month it is) I’d be lying if I said I was a big fat cow. 20 years ago, at my same height, I weighed 120-125 pounds, but you know what? My body image hasn’t changed at all, because basically my figure hasn’t. I still have slender arms, slender legs, 34C bust and a thick middle – it’s what I call my “Midsection from Hell” which gave me and often still gives me the “I’m fat” feeling although objectively I’d have to classify my body as “medium” – neither skinny nor fat.
I agree with your proportion theory here precisely because most of my body is slim (even delicate in areas), except for that ONE part of me which isn’t. I can dress to hide my middle and show off my legs, but that hides my bust and makes me look flat-chested, which I’m not. Yet if I wear stuff which is snug on top that flatters my bust, I feel like I look “too fat” because it also shows my middle (needless to say, the only time I dress like that is when I’m with my boyfriend, who for whatever reason really likes it when I do).
I used to be one of those girls. But I never said it out loud, it was all in my head.
I’ve always been skinny. I actually weighed more in high school than I do now at age 27 because I was more in shape and had more muscle (I was a track star). But I can VIVIDLY remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “I am so fat!” I never joined the singsong “Oh my GAWD I’m SO FAT” chorus and remember thinking “Shut the fuck UP” about the girls that did say that all the time… But I thought it to myself every day. I dressed in baggy clothes, never ever would dream of wearing a shirt that wasn’t long enough to cover my “fat ass” and dreaded swim class or beach season because I was a whale in my mind. (Not to mention flat chested. Ok, so some things haven’t changed. ;))
I dunno what it was, but I outgrew it. While I didn’t fish for “Oh you’re not fat” compliments, I really, truly thought I was fat. I don’t think I’ve ever weighed more than 120 lbs (and I was 5’7 in middle school) and now I’m 5’9 and lucky if I weigh 110. I think it’s just part of growing up… like others have said, it’s like it wasn’t ok for me to be satisfied with my looks; I had to be my own worst enemy. And I truly did believe I was fat, it wasn’t just saying it for the sake of saying it.
What’s TRULY dis-proportionate is how we as females are led to believe that weight = attractiveness. It’s a myth! At first, it may sway a few trophy hunters.
Hell - who wants to live with a trophy hunter?
I want to be with someone who cares about who I am inside of me.
No matter what - anyone who is fixated on size has a small scope of thinking. Women try to torture other women because - face it, they think lofe is about looks. Not all men and women worship this, but television can fool us.
Beauty that lasts comes from behavior and spunk and soul…
So…ignore the ignorant! One day, they will be lost in the neverlands.
The true beauty is within the spirit of sharing life’s situations. This carries a lot of weight!
Small or Larger appearance has nothing over Grace !
Keep this in mind next time someone wants to act superior because of appearance!
[hijack]
Damn, I think you’re my twin. I’ve always had a belly, that’s been my thing. I even have it in pictures of me when I was 3 or 4. I used to have big boobs too, but I got a breast reduction and am a 36C. But yeah, everything is fine except my damn tummy. It drives me nuts. If something flatters my chest, it clings to my belly, if it hides my belly, it also hides my chest. Can’t win. Sundresses are my enemy.
I feel your pain.
[hijack over]