Thanks. You know, when I was really young (under 10) I didn’t even have the belly. I was “long and skinny” as a baby and little kid. Then when I was 10 somehow I got the belly, which was pointed out to me by my stepfather one day when we (mom, him, me, my sister) had all gone to the beach and we were naturally wearing bathing suits (he told me I ought to suck my fat stomach in). Interestingly, on the note of the wicked stepfather – and my mother – my mother and I have the same “slender everyplace except the middle” body type, my mother had the same problem with him telling HER that about HER middle! (She divorced him for that among other reasons.)
I don’t know how big your bust was when you got the reduction, but I’ll tell you this much: while I basically like the size and shape of my breasts the way they are, I do wish sometimes my bust size was 34D instead of 34C just to “overcome” my Midsection from Hell. Does that make sense to you?
Lezlers - peasant shirts & empire waists might be your friends in the shirt dept (low cut chests, w/ bands under the ribcage, then flow out)… you can show off & still cover your stomach
I used to have some fairly minor body image problems, growing up, working & having an adolescence in West Los Angeles, CA… working in a store where women like Angelina Jolie would shop and every woman is completely body-conscious & wearing bikinis is pretty contagious, and I’d always think about going on a diet, really getting in shape, etc…
I had a boyfriend who’d constantly fawn over my stomach, but I didn’t believe him. But the thing is, I’m not fat at all… 5’3", 120 lbs, and a lot of the weight is in my chest. Once I went up north to college and saw what ‘normal’ people looked like (not realizing that what I grew up with was the exception, not the norm) my body image was completely revised.
Objectively, I know I fall just inside the maximum of a healthy BMI. I know that my weight is supposedly acceptable for my height.
Subjectively, I know I’ve been in tears in a Macy’s dressing room because I couldn’t find anything that fit. I know that when I look at myself in the mirror, I just see overweight and fat.
And yes, I say it from time to time because it’s always going on in my head. Even though I know better, it happens.
I don’t see or judge others by the same standards that I do myself - so when I make a comment like that about myself it has nothing to do with what I think about other people around me.
What total, self-absorbed, self-admonishing balls-out crap that is…
But I can’t help it? What a total load of shit. I’m really, REALLY skeptical about even the existence of Tourette’s Syndrome - insofar as it’s supposed to be some sort of brain disorder which forces us to say offensive and objectionable statements. However, in your instance? To blatantly go fishing for attention and then tell people with a straight face that you can’t help it?
What total shit. Rarely have I seen such a blatant example of someone demonstrating an inability to accept self responsibility.
I used to believe this too, but very slowly I reached the realisation that these girls actually believe what they’re saying. I think the technical term is “nutjob”.
Well done, I was about to say something similar. It’s not all about what the opposite sex or even other people want. In fact - it shouldn’t be. It’s about what the individual concerned finds attractive/healthy/enjoyable. And so long as it doesn’t become unhealthy or obsessive, it shouldn’t be up to anyone else to tell them that they are wrong - whether they are putting weight on or taking it off.
It has to come across as pretty patronising or self-absorbed to think that telling women what some men may or may not want will fix everything.
And the medical term would be “anorexia”, if they truely feel that way. A common symptom of that disorder is the belief that you look/feel fat, even when you’re withering away on intravenous drip.
On the very rare occasions when this kind of thing would happen to me, I got my belly out and waved it around for a couple of seconds. “Belly, belly, belly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares?” - which was hideously passive-aggressive behaviour on my part, I’m sure, but also funny.
I think that Elemenopy (great name, btw) and Fretful Porpentine made two important points about teenage girl society. There’s the percieved necessity to do yourself down lest you be stuck-up, and there’s the way that gets adopted as a group bonding behaviour. 'S odd. Odd.
And also thanks to Laurange andf kabbes for pointing out that opinions on one’s own body fat are not always derived from beliefs about What Men Want. In fact, it can go the other way. A person who feels unloveable or undesirable may tend to generalise outwards to a mistaken conclusion about what men or women find desirable.
How about this, then? I’m about a size 6, and less than satisfied with my body. I don’t walk around complaining about it to everyone, though I may mention needing to get exercise (until I started riding my bike to work, I didn’t really exercise at all). However, if my heavier friends are discussing trying to lose weight, I’ll commiserate because although I may not want to lose as much weight as they do, I’m facing similar roadblocks. If this bugs them, they’ve never said anything.
Some years back, I was a Girl Guide (girls 9-12, I mostly helped with camping skills) leader. At some camps, I’d end up chatting with a group of the older girls and the junior leaders (they were 14 or 15). The girls were fit and healthy, of a normal weight for their ages, one was even on a provincial synchro team (she hated her non-skinny legs while being proud of how well she could swim). All of them thought they had areas on their bodies that they were convinced were fat, that they needed to lose weight, and so on.
Now, I weighed about 130 lbs, maybe even 140 (I don’t weigh myself unless my clothes start getting loose or tight, or it’s otherwise relevant) at about 5’5", and was probably the heaviest person (even wrt hight) in the conversation. All of them thought that I was a perfectly healthy and attractive weight. When I agreed and mentioned that I had obviously larger measurements than their “problem” ones, they had trouble accepting this. In fact, they just couldn’t accept this, I was a fine weight, and they were fat, and nothing could really change this view.
It’s really sad, they couldn’t see how beautiful they were. Maybe now that they’re all over 20 they know how wrong they were in their assessments.
I don’t know if it’s a bad response to puberty, with its changing bodies and the like or what, but there seems to often be a disconnect between how teenage girls see themselves and how they see others. For some of them, it seems to continue into adulthood.
I am also stymied by comments like this. I am not ‘fat’ because I exercise and I eat well. It is one of those ‘there but for the grace of Og’ things as my entire family is overweight, and if I stop exercising/eating well, I put on the pounds. So I am not ‘skinny’ by any means but my lifestyle compensates for my genes.
But this means I am not allowed in any of the ‘Oh I’m so fat’ conversations. “What could you possibly know about it? You’re not fat!” Yet somehow I feel that if I moaned too about how unattractive and fat I was, I would be welcomed into the conversation.
ultrafilter–I’m not sure. I think they stopped after a while. IIRC, Tina, who made the most comments, shifted from saying “I’m so fat” to “My hips are so big” I felt sorry for her. I don’t know if it was because of age (the other person, Mindy, and I had just finished our junior years of college, but she had just finished her freshman year) or culture (she was from New Jersey, and we were from the Midwest) but she was easily the thinnest of the 3. When we went boating, we all wore bikinis, but Tina would always wear a tank top over her top, and had boy-cut bottoms.
My theory is just that people are self-absorbed. For instance, I have what you may call “problem” skin. It’s not horrible, but I feel rather self-conscious about the dime-sized pimples I get around my period. Then, other girls who have tiny red spots the size of pinpricks start complaining about how absolutely revolting their skin is right in front of me - I don’t think they’re trying to be mean, they just view themselves much more critically than they view others. As does pretty much everyone else. Now, when I’m feeling self-conscious I just remind myself that no one else is looking at me to try and find flaws.
Oh, dear. I’m sorry I pissed you off, but I really can’t help talking about my weight a lot of the time when I’m with people. Not as in a Tourette’s Syndrome blurting-it-out-of-my-mouth kind of way, which you seem to think I mean ( if I understand you correctly ). I apologize if I have confused you.
I meant that I have a VERY difficult time not talking about my weight constantly, and not worrying about it, as I am a recovering anorexic. I’ve tried to not call attention the weight thing too much, but it’s tough, as it’s a terrible obssession for me, as I’ve said. I don’t know what your experience is with anorexia, but the obssession with eating and not eating consumes you, and it’s pretty hellish. It can also make you really single minded and very weird to be around, as well as self-centered.
I definitely fish for compliments. You bet I do! One becomes anorexic for the most part because one’s self esteem is about the size of a pea. But again, that’s me. That’s my personality. My friends and family have to take me as I am. They have to like me or lump me. Just as I do with them. But as I said, I am trying to get over some of my issues. Hmm, can they say they’re doing the same??
I remember being a thin teenager and thinking my body was lousy. I was 5’5 and 110 pounds. I was too embarrassed about my “fat” arms and “fat” legs to wear tank tops or shorts! What the hell was I smoking? I’m probably 130 pounds right now, and impose no such restrictions on my wardrobe.
I’m also thick-waisted, as a few other posters here were saying they are. I feel diamond-shaped, really. If a top fits my chest, it is too tight around the waist and hips. If it fits my waist/hips, it hangs on my chest like a little girl playing dress-up with mom’s clothes! I am small chested but it’s more pronounced because it’s dominated by my midsection. Ah well, c’est la vie.
Hey, I posted a reply to this, but I guess the hamsters had it for dinner. They’re gonna get pretty fat soon if they don’t watch it.
Anyhoo, I can relate about the stepdad thing, mine used to tell me to put on more makeup before I left the house. And lord knows he was always ready to poke at any little bit of pudge on me as soon as it could be seen. Still does, actually. Ah well.
As far as the bigger boobs thing. Nope, won’t work. Trust me. I was a 36E before my surgery, and in order for anything to fit me to a point where I didn’t look like a porn star, it ended up hanging so far OFF of my tummy that I looked pregnant. I was asked when my baby was due a number of times. I couldn’t get into that operating room fast enough.
I’m a large 36C now, and unless your tummy is pretty small, having them be slightly bigger isn’t gonna make too much of a difference.
Who ever mentioned the peasent tops. Yeah, I’ve tried that, but I just can’t seem to find one I like. They’re all either too low cut, or flare out so much I look ridiculous. That’s another reason I hate summer (other than the fact that I can’t stand the heat) my standard wardrobe of shorts and a tshirt gets old after awhile. Finding clothes suitable for meetings is always a party too. At least in the winter I can hide behind cute sweaters and look somewhat nice and together.
Er, uh, yeah, I’d say 36E is too big, not just for me (or any non porn star, perhaps ;)), but that’s not where I wanted to go. And while there are times the idea of being 34D instead of 34C wistfully crosses my mind, I wouldn’t go so far as to have enlargement surgery.
How big is my belly? Good question. How about a description: in clothes that fit me, when I stand up, I don’t seem to have much of one. If I stand and actually suck/hold it in, I don’t have it; I only have the “thick undefined waistline.” Too bad, since I do have nice rounded hips in a size I like.
OTOH, when I sit down, my belly always without fail hangs over the top of my skirt or jeans. I’m sitting down now (wearing only a PJ top and undies), and I can grab a handful with two rolls.
And, I sympathize with you about the mistaken pregnancy thing. Even without a 36E bosom, I once had someone ask me when my baby was due. I was wearing a marginally but not slut-level low cut peasant-type top which clung to my bust but flared out below, thus hiding my middle. To think when I’d left the house that day, I had thought I looked NICE! Sheesh!
