Signs that you've gone to a bad gynecologist

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Here we go again, folks. Well don’t blame me. You opened this thread… it’s late… I’m tired…

  1. Speculum is made out of Lego. IUD made from Tinmkertoys.

  2. Doctor has collage on wall of waiting room made from thousands of used, bloody tampons

  3. Doctor has “Honour Roll” chart in waiting room listing names of all patients he’s recently treated for Chlamydia

  4. Refers to unborn baby as “Australopithecus”

  5. Due to side effects, switches birth control pill to multiphasic regimen – coloured pills taste like chocolate and have a white “m” typed on the surface

  6. Doctor carves his initials in your leg after successful Caesarean section (this happened in the U.S. last year!)

  7. Laughs uncontrollably whenever he hears the word “vagina”. Refers to genatalia as “snatch”.

  8. Shows you small insects crawling on his penis and asks “if it looks like crabs to you”

  9. After placing patient in the stirrups, doctor turns on a camera and starts taking off his spurs

  10. Frequently asks patient “Do you smell mackerel?”

2

Calls you up the day after your exam and asks, “Hey, you didn’t happen to find a wedding ring anywhere, did you?”

3

Begins the exam by saying, “Hey, where’s your dick? Aren’t you supposed to have a dick?”

4

That reminds me of the funniest Halloween costume I have ever seen! Um… he dressed up as a … well… uh… yeah; he dressed up as a used tampon.

5

This one is from real life:

Examines you, then says “You’re too tight down here. You should go have sex.” You’re a virgin at the time.

6

Say… uh, Falcon… how you doin’?

Sorry, I knew someone would say it… I figured I would take that particular bullet…

:smiley:

7

smoooooooooooooooooch for Tristan. :wink:

NOW I can laugh. I was 16 at the time of that, and was MORTIFIED. shudders

8

My gyno sings his little plumber song… he cracks me up. As an added bonus he shares his practice with his wife of 20+ years - they do tag team consultations during pregnancy so you always have 2 opinions. They have 9 children. Wonderful, wonderful doctors - wish they were in family practice.

9

When yer OB-GYN practitioner leaves you all splayed and dilated for 10 minutes with Mr. Speculum to take an “important” call.

Sayonara, Amigo!

10

When he is ten minutes into the exam before he realizes I’m male.

(damn you tris, you beat me to it):smiley:

11

he has a prosthetic hook which he warms up with a lighter before the, ahem, examination.

'keeps saying “do you smell mackerel?” hee hee.

12

“Look! No hands!”

13

Puts way too much lubricant on his balled-up fist and sats, “Hey, I saw this on the internet!”

14

*Instead of butcher’s paper on the exam table and MuZak over the intercom you get silk sheets and Barry White.

*you keep hearing someone say “Cut! O.k., this time with feeling people…”

*Doctor tells you your birth control pills have been secretly replaced with Folger’s decaffinated coffee crystals.

*Wears an AC/DC tee shirt and says “huh-huh” alot. Assisstant is fond of the phrase “Mmmm-YEAH!”. Neither one touches you.
with new & improved saintly sig,
***BROOOOCCC-AY-LU-YUH!

15

This is real:

Takes 5 minutes trying to get the Speculum to hook over you cervix. Jesus how many times do you do this a day?

Comments how much he “loves” doing this first thing in the morning sarcastically. :rolleyes:

16

Sounds like we need better OB/GYNS!
Take this quiz, and see if you have what it takes to be an OB/GYN:

1)Do you enjoy seeing women in pain?
2)Do you enjoy giving women pain?
3)Does the idea of spending your day chatting about painful,irregular menstruation, foul vaginal discharges, and highly infectious sexually transmitted diseases actually appeal to you?
4)Are you capable of pontificating about the miracle of birth as you stand between the legs of a hysterically screaming mother-to-be as she gushes blood and other nasty stuff down the front of your scrubs (assuming you had time to put them on) and onto your shoes?
5)Are you undisturbed by the thought of rolling out of bed at 3 am every third night to go to the hospital to do a delivery for the next 30 years?

If you have answered yes to all these questions, you have a great future as an OB/GYN!

apologies to Anne Eva Ricks, MD!