Silliest things done while drunk?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m talking silly things here, not DUI serious stuff. Looking back across a lifetime, seems like the silliest stuff I did while drunk occurred (naturally enough) as a youth. All of which I was told I did, not that I can remember any of it:

Made sure a friend got “home” safely, but only in the sense that I dragged him halfway through the front door, dropped him and walked away, legs hanging out, door wide open. Neighbors told me this the next day.

Went swimming in the apartment complex’s pool commando style, apparently several times, apparently in the middle of the day. So the neighbors say.

Once, at Mardi Gras, took it upon myself to refuse to let taxicabs cross Bourbon Street. LA State Troopers subsequently set me straight. So my buds say.

Have any anecdotes that don’t involve pregnancy or or serious bodily injury?

2

Although I don’t remember it, I ate a spider. It was at a party at my brother’s house, and for some reason I started ranting about how I was “gonna eat a bug!” And then I plucked a spider out of the nearest web, popped him in the mouth, chewed, swallowed…and then apparently I vomited for the next thirty minutes.

Like I said, I don’t have any memory of doing it, but it’s one of those moments that my good friends who were there never tire of re-enacting for the amusement of everyone but me. (“Dude! You should’a seen yourself. You were all like ‘Watch me! I’m gonna eat a bug!’ You freaked everyone out!”)

For a while, I even refused to believe I did it. I would swear up & down that my friends were all conspiring to embarrass me with a fabricated tale. Then somebody whose opinion I trust stated the obvious - when you’re shit-faced to the point that you’re blacking everything out, people don’t need to make up stories about you to make fun of.

3

No spiders, but I did once eat some green (dyed) carnations from the table decorations at a St Paddy’s dinner. Yuck!

4

My silly alcohol stories involve nudity. Luckily, none of the public variety.

There was the threesome that went horribly, horribly awry. I’m probably lucky I didn’t receive any disfiguring injuries after that debacle. But it started innocently enough.

5

At the New Smyrna Beach Seafood Festival at the end of the night when the cops slowly drive down the street to get everyone to disperse and go home I apparently attempted to climb on top of a cop car (I don’t remember any of this).
They said the cop let me be because my friends were sober enough to drag me off of it with one foot on the rear bumper and a knee on the trunk.

6

A few years back, my wife threw her sister a wedding shower that began at our apartment in NYC. I was not invited, seeing as I had a Y chromosome, so I went to the local neighborhood bar and proceeded to get exceedingly drunk. So drunk, in fact, that at one point I thought it would be a good idea to see if I could flick a lit cigarette into the ass-crack of one of the bartenders. Luckily, I missed, and luckily, the bartenders all had a sense of humor about it. Thanks the gods I was a regular, or else they probably would have tossed me face first onto the sidewalk.

7

I was hanging out downtown at like 2 AM drunk with my boyfriend and a few other people and ther are cameras everywhere downtown and I proceeded right there where anyone could see me to change from a t-shirt to a little halter top which I couldn’t even keep my bra on for, I was like 16 or 17 lol, hope ya don’t read this mom! I don’t think you knew about this one!

8

I have become more placid as I’ve got older, but when I was in my teens and twenties I was quite an insane drunk.

On a school trip to Moscow attempted to chat up an elderly hotel concierge with the words “let me let me let me let me fuck ya fuck ya fuck ya fuck ya!” Later called my history teacher “a fucking arsehole” to his face.

Decided, on a dance floor in a nightclub, that I had to kick the arse of anyone wearing red. I have absolutely no idea why. I didn’t kick them hard, but I’m still surprised I didn’t get my head beaten in.

I also used to get so tired that I’d just sleep wherever I happened to be. Often in the bar or pub, but on other occasions: woke up once in morning, lying spreadeagled on my back in the middle of a parking lot; another time woke up in the morning under a railway bridge with a slug in my hand (a gastropod, not a bullet).

9

Twenty-five years ago. Arriving at Niagara Falls at 4:30 AM, we stopped near the falls for a rest and to have another beer. I got the brilliant idea to stick my arm in the Falls. From the bottom. So I climbed over the fence and scaled down the cliff face to the bottom, carrying a Bud, stood at the base of the Horseshoe Falls and stuck my arm in, finished my beer, sat it on a rock and climbed back up.

It hadn’t occurred to me that this could have been a situation with dozens of cops and helicopters and a rescue basket and jail time, etc. But luckily for me, nobody saw me do it except my friends. FWIW, I stopped drinking about 20 years ago.

10

I was at college the first time I got drunk. I puked on my RD in front of the dorms. I was fined $50, $25 for drinking underage, and $25 for “the abuse of alcohol, as evidenced by the fact that I vomited in the presence of . . . who was in the process of making a security check” according to the campus security citation.

I still have that citation around somewhere . . .

11

At the same Mardi Gras I mentioned earlier, it was a spur of the moment thing and the four of us took off without any plans on where we were going to stay, deciding we’d just sleep in the car (old Lincoln Continential, HUGE boat) if we had to. We did.

At dawn I woke up to find my bud Mike careening down I-10 East with us, I was like “pull off the damn road idiot” as he was tipsy, so we did just before the bridge to Slidell.

After we got off the interstate, Mike pulled into a little strip mall where miracles of miracles, a huge gang bust was going on, about a half dozen police cruisers and lorries were there along with about 20+ African American (this will become relevant later in story) gangbangers getting cuffed.

Mike decided we’d better get out of there, and the only immediate way out avoiding the crowd and police was through a Popeye’s drivethrough lane. Unfortunately, during the evening’s cleanup, the Popeye’s staff had been tossing garbage bags out of the drivethrough window as the dumpster was close by, so the path was blocked.

“No problem!” thinks Mike, “I’ll just try and ease the Continental around them by driving up on the foot-tall curb bordering the drivethrough lane.” He then attempts this, and of course all kinds of metal-grinding cacophony ensues.

Everyone present stops what they are doing and looks at us. Everyone. So after a min or so, Mike decides this isn’t such a good idea and throws it in reverse to back out of the drivethrough lane in order to find some other means of egress. He backs straight up, unfortunatly the lane is sorta curved and we go straight back into the giant menu. That was it.

The cops swarm us, I’m pissed off at the whole affair. They cuff Mike, Steve then decides that he needs to throw up RIGHT NOW and does so on the drivethrough landscaping, again in front of the whole crowd. I’m standing there, totally pissed off because there was no reason we should even be there in this situation and start pacing around, cursing.

Then I get the bright idea to make a run for it. I start edging toward the gangbangers, trying to blend in, trying to put them between me and the car scene in order to slink away.

Of course, I’m about a 6’4" white guy trying to blend in with 20+ cuffed African Americans, and the police immediately spot me and tell me to get back over here. All the gangbangers think my escape attempt was hilarious, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, the police bust Mike for public intoxication and destruction of personal property, of all things, not DUI. They then ASK me if I’m sober enough to drive, I say yes (true), and they let me drive off with the rest of my buds. We hit the first Days Inn parking lot I find and crash out.

Bailing Mike out is a whole other story, involving drag queens and guys in cop uniforms with butt cut out.

12

My brother once tried to impress a girl he was with by falling down the stairs - yup, in his inebriated state, he saw some stairs and thought “I know, I’ll fall down those, that will be cool”. So he did.

History does not record what the girl thought.

Grim

13

All I got is deciding, with three of my friends, that since the bar was closing, we should stand up and sing “Oh Canada”. Loudly.

So we did. :smiley:

14

Put the moves on a married dancer right in front of her pretty-much-gay dancer husband. “I’ll have you know I’m married to my art.”

15

Well there was this one time back in college, 17 years ago. I got very drunk at a party, and decided to drive back to my dorm. Halfway there, I needed to pee so I pulled over and got out…

Fast forward to the next day, I wake up in a ditch, abolutely COVERED in bug bites. Keys are locked in car. Ignition still on. Out of gas. Battery dead.
A few years later, I’m in Chicago out drinking at the bars… decide it’s time to go so I hail a cab. Well I wasn’t paying attention/was passing out and I let the cab driver pass my destination by roughly 20 blocks. I get him to turn around and when we get there I realize I only have one dollar on me. I was pissed off at the driver anyway because in my drunken state I thought he was trying to screw me by driving so far out of the way. So I run for it, vault a six foot fence, land on my head, and dislocate my shoulder.

16

I got so drunk on my birthday once that I tipped the bartender Q. Yes, the letter Q. Apparently I thought it was hilarious. Good thing I knew her.

I once ran naked down a street, but I did get about $250 in bets.

I participated in a nationally covered campus riot by attempting to put out a stack of burning sofas in an intersection with my urine. I was photographed during this, the guy taking the picture said “please don’t kick my ass” when I turned around. It was a unique experience to say the least.

In high school I worked at a pizza shop. I got drunk on a night off, and called every single escort service in the phone book and gave them the shop’s address. My manager/friend said that 2 actually showed up, but left when they saw it was a pizza shop.

WARNING HIGHLY DISGUSTING, SERIOUSLY

Some buddys and I were drinking a few beers on the balcony of a shady Miami Hojo’s the night before going on a cruise. I said thet I had to piss and stood up to go to the bathroom. One of the guys said “just piss off the balcony” another guy said “no, that’s gross just piss in this empty beer can”. I pissed in the beer can and handed the warm can back to the guy that suggested it.

Another guy said " I bet you can’t hit that crack whore on the street" (she was an impossible distance away). The guy accepted and hurled the piss-can at the poor hooker. It missed her head by a few feet, if that.

We all ducked inside and agreed that what just happened was a very, very stupid thing to do. Then we went back out on the balcony.

Apparently that hooker liked her booze. She picked up the can (the urine was maybe 5 minutes from being inside me) and chugged it!

She stopped after a few seconds, and threw the can in the street. She propositioned about 3 cars before she found a john that didn’t mind her urine breath and drove away.
On a lighter note, I have on several occasions used my Palm Tungsten E PDA to either change channels, mute the TV, or just turn it off at a few bars. It can be quite entertaining. If they get too pissed, I lay off, but some of them just stare in wonder at their TV that seems to be “possessed”.