Silly game: Mangle an expression

It would be nice if the expression is relatively well known, but don’t let its lack of recognizability limit you. Hell, make one up if you wish.

Example: Stupidity means never having to say “I understand.”

“Here’s looking at your kid”

We used to do this all the time when I was younger, intentionally mashing up to sayings that seem to fit together, but don’t actually make sense.

Example:

“Why don’t you take a dirt nap off a short pier”

Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can get somebody else to do today.

Lewd lips sink ships.

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

A fool and his gold weigh more than just the gold.

“Revenge is a dish best served with mashed potatoes”

A bird in the hand is worth $2.95 in the KFC.

If I said you had a beautiful body THEN would you bury it?

A stopped clock never boils.

“Don’t count your chickens. Ever.”

a watched boil never pops

“I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.”

Penis mightier than sword.

Early to rise and early to bed is boring as hell.

I think you might enjoy the mangled expressions of Jack Aubrey from the Aubrey-Maturin series by Patrick O’Brian, many of which are collected here:

Some examples:
‘But a bird in the hand is worth any amount of beating about the bush, don’t you agree?’

-‘… they have chosen their cake, and must lie in it.’
-‘You mean, they cannot have their bed and eat it.’
-‘No, no, it is not quite that, neither. I mean – I wish you would not confuse my mind, Stephen.’

“beating two birds with one bush”

“a bird in the hand waits for no man”

Houseguests are like fish: Delicious with lemon and butter.

same