In days of old when knights were bold and toilets weren’t invented
You left your load beside the road and walked away contented
Hasten, Jason, get the basin
Urp, slop, get the mop
Just a little scatalogical humor from me dear mother.
She also used to sing Mairz Doats and the Hutsut Ralson and some goofy song that went “Cement mixer, putty putty”
Not exactly a rhyme; but a fine-sounding bit of “foreign gibberish” treasured in our family and recited by parents to kids (as, by my mother to me) over pretty-much the past hundred years.
It runs as follows: trying to spell as phonetically as possible.
“Dummocka-dummocka-okendoran, allowee-hand und off-tand, und lartsen. Khris-teen, shtu-pan, ay-nay-nay-nay-nay.”
Nobody has any idea what it means, if anything – or even what language it’s supposed to be. Some suggest that it might be Swedish; others, that it originated in Belgium – my grandparents (we’re in the UK) took in Belgian refugees in World War 1.
Wow! I thought my mom was the only one who sang “Cement Mixer Putty Putty”! I recently remembered it from my childhood and looked it up YouTube, and damned if it wasn’t there! 
Reminds me of another one Mom used to sing, to the tune of “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore”:
Missed the toilet last night.
Went all over the floor.
Cleaned it up with my toothbrush…
Don’t use my toothbrush anymore.
Aw, you guys. Your heads are full of useless stuff.
Something else my mother used to say.
It’s to “Stars and Stripes Forever,” actually. The version I recall is:
Be kind to your web-footed friends,
For a duck may be somebody’s mother.
Be kind to your friends in the swamp
Where the weather is very, very domp.
Now you may think that this is the end.
[spoken:] And it is.
Shut up,
Or I will fuck you up.
Well, okay, it was said more with body language than verbal expression.
Of course you’re right. Who would use the Star Spangled Banner tune for anything else–it’s too hard to sing…
My dad had two, add-ons to rhymes everyone seems to know. I’ve never heard them outside our family.
ETA:
[QUOTE=Bridget Burke]
Of course you’re right. Who would use the Star Spangled Banner tune for anything else–it’s too hard to sing…
[/QUOTE]
You know that’s an old English drinking song, right?
“When a string gets in a knot,
Patience can untie it;
Patience can do many things,
Have ever tried it?”
Oh say can you see
Any bedbugs on me?
If you do, pick a few!
They’re delicious to chew!
I had always heard the last line as:
'Cause I got them from you!
A whistling woman
and a crowing hen
always come
to a no good end!
If you sing at the table
and dance at your bed
the devil’s gonna get ya
by the hair of your head.
Those two came from my grandparents.
When god was passing out brains
you thought he said “trains”
and said, “no thanks I’ll catch the next one.”
When god was passing out looks
you thought he said “books”
and said, “yeah give me a scary one”
Those came from my uncle 
The only rhymes I remember from my parents were
You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’!
(Not always said in jest I’m afraid 
)
My mother used to sing a song that I can only remember a snippet of:
Oh, we bathed his head in glue
Just to see what it would do,
But 'twas then we seen our efforts was in vain.
Like a dream he passed away
On the 41st of May
And we’ll never see our blue-haired boy again.
My dad always used to tell me the adage about the whistling girl and the crowing hen.
Here’s a version I picked up somewhere:
Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,
Bedbugs and cockroaches and bow-legged ants.
I stand before you and sit behind you
To tell you a story I know nothing about.
In 1942 Christopher Cucumber said up the Mississloppy River
And discovered Peanut Butter Rock.
He ate the Grapes of Wrath and the Star-Spangled Banana Split,
Signed the Constipation, The Bill of Wrongs,
And the Declaration of Indigestion.
He said that there would be movies for the blind,
Music for the deaf, speeches for the mute,
And dancing for the crippled.
The admission is free, so pay at the door,
There’s plenty of seats, so sit on the floor.*
*The second “i” pronounced long as in “ice.”:
“O-oh say, can you see
Any cooties on me?
If you do,
Take a few,
'Cause I got 'em from you…”
I’m so glad I got that expensive private-school education…!
Oh, now I see I was scooped on that one. Of course, at the same school, I also learned a parody from someone who is now a very famous musician:
This land’s not your land,
This land is my land.
If you don’t get off,
I’ll blow your head off.
I’ve got a shotgun
And it is loaded …
This land was made for me alone!
Did anyone else hear this on the playground?
On top of Old Smoky
All covered in blood,
I found my poor wolfman,
His face in the mud.
A knife in his belly,
An axe in his head,
I just to conclusions:
My wolfman was dead!
My mother would sit me on her knees and bounce me up and down while saying
Trot trot to Boston
Trot trot to Lynn
Be very careful that you don’t fall innnnnnnn…
She’d open her legs at the very last word and dump me on the floor.
I still do this with young child I know. They love it.
Spider spider on the wall
Ain’t you got no sense at all?
Can’t you see the wall’s been plastered?
Get off there you dirty… spider.
Yo! That sounds awfully familiar.
My dad would dandle me on his knee and sing Pony Boy:
Pony Boy, Pony Boy, won’t you be my Pony Boy;
Don’t say know, here we go, ride across the plains.
Marry me, carry me, ride away with you,
Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup go! My Pony Boy.
Of course, he bounced me much faster on the giddyups.
I loved it, so did my sisters, and when I became a dad, I did it with my daughter, and since then with my grandson.
You’re right, it’s just such fun.