Say you own a three bedroom house and you’re renting to two other people, person A and person B (although you are also living there).
One day, you and person A are talking and they say “Person B finished all of the Sriracha hot sauce the other day, so I gotta go buy some”.
Next day, while person A and B are out working, you make some chicken for yourself for dinner. And you think that not only might it be nice with something to dip it in, but it might be a good time to try Sriracha sauce for the first time since you’ve heard nothing but good things about it from damn near everyone.
So you open the food pantry door and it’s not in there. Huh…well, maybe person A bought some but is keeping it in their room. So you go to their room and knock and then open the door and…yep…the hot sauce is on the far table across the room. A big, bottle that is still full to the top.
What do you do?
Leave it. You don’t feel it’s right to enter another person’s room if they’re not there, without their knowledge or permission and/or using food items they bought also without permission. Even though this means you won’t be able to use it for your dinner that night, it’s best to get permission first.
Go in and quickly grab it, use a bit for your chicken–figuring it will probably be okay and that the person won’t mind–and then put it back afterwards and then tell person A about it when they get home.
I’m asking about it because I heard (from a few different people) quite a few different answers about it, from both sides of the coin.
I wouldn’t use it. I would never enter a roommate’s bedroom without permission, and I would hope they wouldn’t enter mine without permission. Emergencies are the only exception.
Having lived with two roommates (my sister, and my ex-gielfriend), its always best to decide ahead of time ground rules about communal items like food, toilet paper, etc.
I wouldn’t use it. I would never enter a roommate’s bedroom without permission, and I would hope they wouldn’t enter mine without permission. Emergencies are the only exception.
Having lived with two roommates (my sister, and my ex-gielfriend), its always best to decide ahead of time ground rules about communal items like food, toilet paper, etc.
When I lived with my sister, food I purchased was mine, food she purchased was hers. Exceptions were made for condiments and basics. (I usually bought butter, bread, spices, etc, since I used them more often, she bought the milk, beer, etc. since she used those more often.) However, they were considered fair game, as long as we replaced it if you used the last of it, or let the other person know, so they could buy more. Shampoo, soap and other toiletries were mine, and hers. No sharing. Toilet paper was usually bought by whoever saw it was needed. rent and utilities were split 50/50.
When I lived with my ex-gielfriend, it was all community property. I did all the grocery shopping, and she made the list. I paid groceries, internet, and did all laundry, she paid the rent
I lived with a bloke for some twenty-five years. Good chap, and we got along well. Same political views, although very different religious views. (Not boyfriends, just roomies.)
Never once in all those twenty-five years did either of us ever take so much as a single slice of bread, a pat of butter, or a spoonful of coffee from the other without explicit permission.
The very idea is abhorrent to me.
(Our libraries, on the other hand, were totally open, always, without question: we read each other’s books with complete freedom. But, then, a book is not consumed when it is read.)
Seems like the sort of thing that would get established in a general sense. If the general standard is ‘nobody enters each others’ rooms’, then I’d stick to that, if we freely come and go from each others’ rooms and borrow stuff from each other including food, then go with that.
If you’ve only been living together a short while and such behavior hasn’t been established, I’d go with not intruding but make it a point to ask that evening, ‘would you have minded if I did enter your room to get it?’ so as to establish how to proceed in the future.
You’ve already violated roomie’s privacy by opening the door.
The previous discussion should have included a mention that the roomie was not going too make the stuff he/she bought a shared commodity.
Back out and ask roomie if he/she has purchased the sauce. That should be an opening for a discussion of private/shared status.
If roomie does not offer to share, buy your own - then decide if it is to be shared or private.
I changed the status of a common article when roomie crossed one too many lines in the rules about ‘sharing’.
It’s in their room, not in a communal spot, which implies they do not want to share. For nearly all roommate situations I would say no. I agree that you should not have even opened their closed door.
In reality I also agree with Mnemnosyne that you should already have an idea whether this would be acceptable to your roommate or not. When I lived with my best friend, I knew she had no problem sharing or borrowing, although she was more likely to “share” my stuff then I was to “share” hers :). For every other one of my roommates, I would never take something of theirs without asking (in their room or not) unless it was explicitly stated it was open to all.
The hypothetical is missing some important information about the food situation in the house. Most housemates agree to either split the food bill or (more commonly, from my experience), buy their own food (and have their own shelf in the fridge, etc).
The fact that housemate A mentioned replacing the sauce used by housemate B indicates it’s the former situation (where all housemates chip in to a shared food bill).
But the fact that housemate A has put the sauce in their bedroom indicates they are not happy with the food situation and that they intend to keep the sauce for their own use.
All that said, privacy trumps food arrangements and if something is in someone’s bedroom, I wouldn’t touch it without asking. If it were me, I’d go out and buy my owned damned sriracha sauce.
Depends on the roommates of course- in my boyfriends circumstance he owns the house and has 2 renters that have their own bedrooms. Neither of us would ever in a million years enter one of their bedrooms without explicit permission and wouldn’t dream of removing an item for our own use. These are people we know pretty well but it just is NOT done.
My roommate and I are more like sisters sharing a house- we have seperate bedrooms and bathrooms and a shared kitchen/living room. We freely use each other’s things because it’s stupid to have 2 hair dryers, etc and if she wants to try the new face wash I bought she is free to and I am free to use whatever of hers. Food we tend to just use what we bought but I bought 2 big containers of yogurt yesterday and she knows she is more than free to have some and doesn’t have to ask. That’s just how we are. We were low on trash bags and toilet paper the other day- she bought the bags and I got the TP. We have known each other much longer than my boyfriend and his roommates so we have different rules and expectations. Even with that said if I found something unusual like a sauce I wanted to try but it was in her bedroom, I would text and ask about it, not just take some and put it back. That’s just weird.
Do you all just suffer the weather then or what? Because I’ll tell you right now, if we’re roommates and you’re gone for the weekend and Saturday gets up into the 80s, heck yeah, I’m going to go into your room to close the window so I can turn on the AC.
But I wouldn’t take the sriracha because in the room is a handy signal for not freely available. Also, I have better hot sauces than hipster ketchup.
It’s not about using the sauce - that’s a matter of like $0.02 worth of sauce, right? - it’s a matter of going into the other person’s room. Private space is private space. For something as trivial as hot sauce, you shouldn’t even be looking into their room.
As far as Inner Stickler’s point: yeah, there are points where something would be important enough to go into private space. Closing a window might count, but I would partly base it on my prior interactions with the roommates. When I was in college, one roommate and I frequently invited each other into our rooms to play games, chat, etc. He even showed me where he kept his stash of anime tentacle porn :eek:. The other two guys shared a larger room and they made sure the door was always closed and never invited people in. I’d go into the one roommate’s room much more readily than the others’.
Not that it may change opinions much, but I just wish to point out (in slight defense of the person who was not me in this debate)…that I said “you’re renting TO” other people…not “with”.
As in, it’s the person who is having the chicken’s house. They own the house (and therefore, technically, all the rooms). It’s not like all three people are sharing the house. The owner (the one having the chicken and who you’re all deciding whether or not should be able to go in and grab the sauce) is renting it to the two others.
My answer/opinion doesn’t change much: It shouldn’t be okay; but I’m not sure if some missed that part or not.
It just strengthens my response, though. Not only is it impolite to go into their room, but most local landlord-tenant laws make it illegal without 24 hours notice in a non-emergency situation.
For me, the fact that ‘you’ own the house and are renting rooms to people makes it an easier decision; the people renting rooms from you are paying for private space, and probably have a formal contract saying so. Going into the room is illegal in most states, and they could probably theoretically sue you for damages or be allowed to break the lease without penalty, since you didn’t have a legitimate reason (usually maintenance based) and didn’t give advance notice, though in practice none of that is going to happen.
In the more general roomate case, it’s only OK to go into someone’s personal room if they’ve agreed it’s OK or there’s a real reason to do so (closing the window, leaking faucet, etc.). “I heard they have cool stuff and I want to get it” is most definitely not a ‘good reason’ in this case. It’s only OK to eat someone’s food if they’ve agreed to it; if there’s a question at all of whether it’s OK, then ask the person or leave their stuff alone. If the sauce was in the kitchen already open then using a little and checking in later would probably not ruffle any feathers, but going into someone’s private space, taking their property, and opening a sealed container is really, really likely to piss someone off.