Ralph: Oh boy! Sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!
Willy: “Make way for Willy!” thump “I told ye t’make way, din’t I?”
R. Lovejoy: “I’ll see you in hell… from heaven.”
Apu: “Yes, I am sorry, I do not speak english, okay.”
“But you were just talking…”
Apu: “Yes, yes, hot dog, hot dog, yes sir, no sir, maybe, okay…”
Apu: “Shiva H. Vishnu!”
Homer: “Stupid TV. Be more funny.”
Lisa and Marge going over Marge’s enhanced resume:
Marge: “Worked in the Carter Administration”?
Lisa: Well, you voted for him twice.
Marge: Shh! Someone might hear!
The Simpsons after the Apocolipse
" But why aren’t we assending into Heaven?"
" Oh, right, the sins."
Homer: I am so smart! S-M-R-T!"
Apu: Get out of my store and come again!
Saw this just last night:
Vendor (after Homer asks what he has to drink): “Mountain Dew or crab juice”
Homer: “Ewwww, blech, give me a crab juice!”
D’oh! That’s the last time I try and quote Simpsons without checking the Archive first…
Mexican Bee Guy: Ay, naranjas en la cabeza!
Sideshow Bob: Madam, your children are no more… [pause] …than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
Bart: He’s more the same than ever!
Kang (posing as Bob Dole): It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!
I’m glad to see I’m not the only fan of Ralph.
“Me fail English? That’s unpossible.”
“This is the most exciting thing since Halley’s Comet collided with the moon.” (Homer, Captain Wacky).
“You are one Mahat-mama.” (Apu).
“When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a catepillar. I love you, Principal Skinner.” (Who else, Ralph).
Marge: Don’t blame me. I voted for Kodos.
More Ralph:
‘My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?’
‘My pants are too hot.’
‘Um, Miss Hoover? There’s a dog in the vent.’
Homer: “I’m sure we can trust the president of Cuba”
Shortly before Fidel Castro steals the trillion dollar bill
“Grandpa, have you ever been in love with an older woman?”
“I was in love with the oldest woman! 122 years old she was! Here’s a picture of her delivering Eubie Blake.”
“So what happened?”
“Things went great until she fell in with that Guinness World Records crowd. . . I wore a 78 pound beard of bees for that woman and it wasn’t enough!”
and
“Does Bart look different to you?”
“New glasses?”
“No, not that. Something seems to be bothering him.”
“Probably misses his old glasses.”
i probably slaughtered those quotes, but they’re still funny even in their slaughtered form.
No TV, no Beer, make Homer sumthin’ somthin’…
Go crazy?
Don’t mind if I do! <crazy person noises>
Is it just me, or has Ralph been reduced to a state of mental retardation?
But I was using my WHOLE ass!
Don’t you believe it, Billy, if a cow ever got the chance, he eat you and everyone you care about. Troy McClure
My first act as mayor will be to kill the lot o’ ya and burn the town to ashes. Groundskeeper Willie
**“Shiva H. Vishu!” ** Oh, lordy, I missed that one on the show, but about bust a gut when I saw it here.
My vote is for everything Groundskeeper Willie ever said, especially his under-the-breath remarks to Principal Skinner, e.g., “…ya blouse-wearin’ poodle-walker!”
Crusty: “C’mon kids, we’re going to the Happiest Place on Earth… Tijuana!”
Crusty: “Yes…it moved me…INTO A BIGGER HOUSE! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet…”
“Hey Ganesha!” “Please do not be offering my god a peanut.”
Lisa explains that she won’t eat meat. Homer asks, not even pork chops, or bacon, or ham?
Lisa: “Dad, all those things come from the same animal!”
Homer: "Riiight, Lisa… a MAGICAL animal…
Oh, there are so many more…
Homer on TV:
“TV! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover…”
…Now let us all bask in television’s warm, glowing, warming glow."
On sugar and bees:
[asleep; speaking with european accent]
“…In america, first you get dee shoogar, den you get dee power, den you get dee wee-men”
BEEKEEPER:Shrewd plan, Simpson- luring our bees here with you huge mound of sugar and selling them back to us at an inflated price."
HOMER: Bees are on the what now?
other:
ASSISTANT AT LIGHTHOUSE: I’m tellin’ ye the light’d work better if ye pointed it out to sea!"
CAPT McALL.: Arrrr, shut up! I know what I’m doin’!
[Ocean liner collides with rock, sinks]
CAPTAIN: [grinning] ARRrr, I hate the sea, and everythin’ in it!
Krusty : " I heartily endorse this event or product."