Wiggum: “Have you seen someone named BILL around here, lately?”
Homer: “No, but here is Bart!”
Bart: “Dad, i think he’s trying to…”
Homer: “Shhh, Daddy is talking to the police officer…”
Wiggum: “Ok, im going to wink when i say this, Have you seen Mr. Bribe , WINK WINK… ?”
Homer: “No.”
Wiggum: “That’s it, I’m shutting this place down!”
later…
Carny: “Why didnt you bribe him?”
Homer: “I tried to, but I didn’t get the opportunity!!”
hahah!!
(Homer is watching TV)
He he he! It’s funny because it didn’t happen to me!
(Bart is looking through police records in Chief Wiggum’s closet)
Cool, dad’s been in jail six times! Awww, mom’s only been in twice!
Similarly, the time they talk about going to a museum to nurse Lisa’s genius.
“Forget it, Marge. I’m not wasting my Saturdays at a museum. . . unless. . . they don’t have foosball in museums, do they?” (and he thinks “Ha! I win, Michalangelo’s David. Who’s next?” “ME!”)
“Says here it’s illegal to stuff squirels down your pants for purposes of gambling.”
“What do they call a Krusty gum-based gelatenous beverage?”
“They call 'em shakes.”
“Shakes, huh? You don’t know what you’re gettin’”
“I was planning to sin all my life and go for the presto-chango deathbed conversion.”
“Say, that’s a good angle.”
“I’m the one who forced your wife from her seat. I’m the one who encouraged the lethal barrage of T-shirts. I’m the one who parked in the ambulance zone, eliminating any possibility of recussitation. But you don’t see me playing to Blame Game.”
“I got hungry on the plane and ate one of my sores.”
“I hate you Walt… Freaking… Witman!”
“Homer, when you bought that dummy I asked you if it was to fake your own death, and you said, `no.’”
“They’ve got chairs with wheels? All this time I’ve been using my legs, like a sucker.”
“Hi everybody.”
“Hi, Dr. Nick.”
“…Momar.”
Homer is watching a TV stand-up comedian:
Comedian: “didja ever notice? Black guys drive real laid back, like this…doop de doop doop…and white guys drive like this (mimes being scrunched up over steering wheel)…nee neet nee nee neet!”
Homer: (Screaming with laughter) “It’s true! Wahahahaha! We’re so LAME!”
from the episode where lisa stops eating meat:
lisa: look everybody! you don’t have to eat meat! i’ve made enough gespacho for all!
(i forget who said this, possibly wiggum): what’s gespacho?
lisa: it’s tomto soup, served ice cold.
at this point, barney stands up and says: hey you, commie, go back to russia!
oooh, also from that episode:
“it’s just a little airborne. it’s still good! it’s still good!” - homer
fat angel, gun_slinger: TRUST THE CGI! That is all.
When Homer gains 300 pounds to stay home under worker’s comp and ends up plugging the hole of a tank about to leak toxic gas:
Bart: “What I can’t believe is that for once Dad’s butt actually prevented the escape of toxic ga…”
Marge: “Bart!”
Esprix
There are, as have been stated, just too many. A few that stick with me:
Homer: There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: But isn’t that the wrong way too?
Homer: Yes, but faster!
Homer: And Mr. Scorpio says that production in my sector is up - and its all because of my motivation techniques. Like donuts - and the possibility of more donuts.
Can’t recall if this has been posted on this particular thread, even though I’ve seen it on similar ones:
Lunch Lady Doris dishing out of a 55 gallon drum of horse testicles: “More testicles means more iron.”
Also, the following sign posted at the Springfield Retirement Home: “Please do not discuss the outside world with the residents.”
Homer runs over a statue of a deer in his car.
Homer: D’oh!
Marge: A deer!
Lisa: A female deer!
Bart: Dad, why don’t you buy it?
Homer: Only rich guys with high paying executive jobs like me can afford something like that. [pause] Hey! guys like me! I’m a guy like me.
Homer: You know where I can get some business hammocks?
Scorpion: Business hammocks? Why didn’t I think of that?
(help me here guys, I’m about to completely butcher this one)There’s 4 places you can go. There’s Hammocks R Us, that’s on 3rd, there’s Harry’s house of hammocks, that’s on 3rd too. Come to think of it they’re all in the same area. They’re all in the hammock sector downtown.
Homer: Oh the hammock district.
Scorpion: That’s right!
Scorpion: First Homer, would you mind hanging my coat up on the wall?
Homer:(looks around and notices there are no walls but rather only a 360 degree window surrounding him)
Scorpion: Ha ha, gotcha. I don’t believe in walls, in fact, I didn’t even give you my coat.
Homer: (noticing the coat previously in his arms is not there) WoOow.
OK, from other episodes:
Flanders: I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
Skinner: I don’t agree to that.
Skinner: Uh-oh, 2 independant thought alarms in one day. The children are over-stimulated. Wally, remove the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Wally: I warned you about the colored chalk! Didn’t I warn you!?
I think this was in a conversation with Homer’s mother but I’m not sure.
Homer’s Mother (to Lisa): Do you know how many times I (something I can’t remember)
Homer: (walking by) 6!
Lisa: Dad, it was a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical eh? 7!
Lisa: Do you even know what rhetorical means?
Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?
BTW, I’m wondering how many of you caught this:
In the baseball episode where Mr. Burns brings in all the wringers, in the locker room someone snaps someone else with a towel and you hear subtley an “ah fuck!” in the background.
episode where Marge is teaching in Bart’s school.
Bart’s getting beat up by Nelson and the other 2 (I forgot names)
Bart: Why isn’t my mother stopping this?
One of the guys: We’ve created a diversion.
<cut to Kerney and Marge>
Marge: That’s a nice jig Kerney. See, isn’t dancing more fun than beating people up?
Milhouse: Hey look! Bart’s doin stuff.
Skinner: Bart, stop creating a diversion.
Cheers episode:
Norm: Woody give me a beer.
Woody: I think you’ve had enough Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Gimme a beer you brain dead hick!
Homer is thrown out of car by the Archies. “And don’t let us catch you in Riverdale again”
Bart and the group (Milhouse, Nelson, etc.) are standing at the line seperating Springfield from Shelbyville, getting psyched for their trek into enemy territory, while Lisa’s flying a kite in the background running back and forth between towns. (yes, I know it’s not I line but it cracked me up so. In fact, as the starter of this thread, I propose to change the subject from Simpson’s lines to Simpson’s Moments, or perhaps Simpson’s scenes. Well, what the heck, anything at all you care to share about the Simpsons, feel free. I just can’t get enough of 'em.)
Bart: Dad, why don’t you buy it?
Homer: Only rich guys with high paying executive jobs like me can afford something like that. [pause] Hey! guys like me! I’m a guy like me.
Homer: You know where I can get some business hammocks?
Scorpion: Business hammocks? Why didn’t I think of that?
(help me here guys, I’m about to completely butcher this one)There’s 4 places you can go. There’s Hammocks R Us, that’s on 3rd, there’s Harry’s house of hammocks, that’s on 3rd too. Come to think of it they’re all in the same area. They’re all in the hammock sector downtown.
Homer: Oh the hammock district.
Scorpion: That’s right!
Scorpion: First Homer, would you mind hanging my coat up on the wall?
Homer:(looks around and notices there are no walls but rather only a 360 degree window surrounding him)
Scorpion: Ha ha, gotcha. I don’t believe in walls, in fact, I didn’t even give you my coat.
Homer: (noticing the coat previously in his arms is not there) WoOow.
OK, from other episodes:
Flanders: I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.
Skinner: I don’t agree to that.
Skinner: Uh-oh, 2 independant thought alarms in one day. The children are over-stimulated. Wally, remove the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Wally: I warned you about the colored chalk! Didn’t I warn you!?
I think this was in a conversation with Homer’s mother but I’m not sure.
Homer’s Mother (to Lisa): Do you know how many times I (something I can’t remember)
Homer: (walking by) 6!
Lisa: Dad, it was a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical eh? 7!
Lisa: Do you even know what rhetorical means?
Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?
BTW, I’m wondering how many of you caught this:
In the baseball episode where Mr. Burns brings in all the wringers, in the locker room someone snaps someone else with a towel and you hear subtley an “ah fuck!” in the background.
episode where Marge is teaching in Bart’s school.
Bart’s getting beat up by Nelson and the other 2 (I forgot names)
Bart: Why isn’t my mother stopping this?
One of the guys: We’ve created a diversion.
<cut to Kerney and Marge>
Marge: That’s a nice jig Kerney. See, isn’t dancing more fun than beating people up?
Milhouse: Hey look! Bart’s doin stuff.
Skinner: Bart, stop creating a diversion.
Cheers episode:
Norm: Woody give me a beer.
Woody: I think you’ve had enough Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Gimme a beer you brain dead hick!
Homer is thrown out of car by the Archies. “And don’t let us catch you in Riverdale again”
Bart and the group (Milhouse, Nelson, etc.) are standing at the line seperating Springfield from Shelbyville, getting psyched for their trek into enemy territory, while Lisa’s flying a kite in the background running back and forth between towns. (yes, I know it’s not I line but it cracked me up so. In fact, as the starter of this thread, I propose to change the subject from Simpson’s lines to Simpson’s Moments, or perhaps Simpson’s scenes. Well, what the heck, anything at all you care to share about the Simpsons, feel free. I just can’t get enough of 'em.)
oooops, sorry 'bout that. I should know better by now.
well here another one to make up for it:
on a class trip to the box factory:
tour guide: lots of things go in boxes. Candy, other boxes.
Homer: my son is a box.
Moe: “I got this flash fryer from army surplus, it can flash fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds!”
Homer: “Awwww… but I want it NOW!”