“It’s occurred to me that we’re both single, and I realize that a long-distance relationship is impractical for the two of us. How do you feel about spending our time together similarly to the way we did during the summer when we first met? We can see the sights, eat well, and spend the nights making love. I assume it’s at least been several months for you, and I haven’t as much as held someone since May of 2013. After this, we will go back to our lives, but for now, I’d like to take the opportunity, since that summer is one of my happiest memories.”
My therapist says that I sounded completely genuine, authentic, and sincere when I said that, and thus I should simply say it to the object of my affection (R.) when R. comes to town soon, for several days. My therapist adds that R. almost surely already knows how I feel. Another friend, who is one of the closest people (along with R.) I’ve ever had to a Significant Other, essentially agrees.
I’m a bit gobsmacked by this. I want to make it clear here that this is an extremely difficult part of life for me, and despite little shyness or reticence on my part I am perennially unsuccessful and involuntarily single. I don’t really understand the norms of this sort of thing, try as I might.
Wouldn’t saying the above potentially disturb R., make it seem like I haven’t moved on from 2002, and potentially jeopardize our friendship forever?
Some details:
*R.'s aunt is my former English teacher, and in the summer of 2002, when we were both 20, R. was house/pet-sitting for said aunt, and I was tasked with giving R. someone to hang out with and have fun in a new city. We proceeded to have the great time mentioned above, which at the time had more emotional significance for me than for R., and subsequently, when R.'s relationship status moved from “ambiguous” to “taken,” my heart broke.
*In the intervening years, we’ve usually remained good friends, but there have been (long) periods in which we’ve been out of touch, entirely due to R. cutting off communication. R. insists (credibly) that that sort of thing is all in the past. Indeed, we’re both clear of the similar unhappy, angst-filled valleys that we were in during and after our college years. Since coming back into my life, we’ve seen one another in person several times, and things have been great.
*Some time in the early summer R. initiated a breakup with a partner of ten years, entailing a move-out (R. had thought they were to be partners for life) and is now thoroughly (and satisfyingly) single for perhaps the first time since age 13.
Thanks in advance for any insight; I really don’t understand this stuff. Way back then, R. told me that “Besides the physical stuff, you were just like another of my good friends.” At the time, that hurt, but now, I’m all for it. The question is, will asking for that be a huge gamble? R. is one of my favorite people in the world, and throwing this friendship away is out of the question.
