single ladies: enough with the pets!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Last few women I’ve dated all have cats, dogs, birds, bears, raccoons, dinosaurs, etc. and it’s gotten to me. I’ve gotten clawed while in bed with said woman, i’ve stepped on various pets, I’ve declined the chance to cook dinner at her place because of the omnipresent pet hair all over every surface of her kitchen, and I’ve gotten generally grossed out by pets at every turn. I’m not a pet person, and when I’ve been, I’ve found a way to limit the pets’ presence to a part of my house, or to the outdoors, or something of the sort.

I could make it a dealbreaker. “Hello.”

“Hi, Do you have any pets? Yes? Goodbye.”

And maybe I should. But I was hoping to get lucky.

The emotional dependence on creatures bugs me, too, or maybe even primarily. “I can’t get away for the weekend unless I find someone to take care of Tinky, and Blinky, and of course Stinky. Pinky has special needs, so it’s almost imposible to find a good caretaker for him, of course, and Twinky smells almost as bad as Stinky lately, so I understand why no one wants to take him in for even fifteen minutes, and Kinky and Linky are twins so how could I possibly split up that pair…” THEY’RE YOUR FUCKING PETS, GIRL, NOT YOUR ENTIRE BASIS FOR LIVING. I’ve had women tell me sad, sad tales about their problems finding any sort of guy to go out with, despite their obvious beauty and smarts and charm and wealth and sex appeal–meanwhile I’m going “Have you looked at the fucking nightmare menagerie you’re living in? Of course no one wants to get involved with the fucking zoo you’re running here. Are you totally delusional?” But instead of expressing that thought, I just nod my head and softly intone, “Yes, yes, it’s a puzzle, isn’t it?”

But here, in the safety of the SD, I will offer this advice, gratis: If you’re a lonely single woman who can’t figure out why guys tend to shy away from you despite your abundant attractive qualities, and you have pets, think about it.

2

That’s funny. I consider the "has pets or doesn’t to be a really good screening tool, only in the opposite way you do. :slight_smile: In my dating experience a man who has a dog (my particular favorite but any pettable pet will do :D, tarantulas or snakes don’t count thanks!), or at least HAS had dogs just has an extra warmth and a “date-able” spirit (for me) for lack of a better phrase.

But I think you’re on to something with your comment in the middle, it could be a great screening tool for you as well. But is it possible that the problem with the women you’ve met with this issue isn’t that they like pets, but that they’re borderline hoarders of some sort?

3

About how old are these women you’re talking about?

4

Emotionally? around seven, I’d say.

5

I think the question is whether these are older ladies who have otherwise not found male companionship, and thus have turned to pets for comfort. You know, like old cat ladies.

6

I’m thinking, if they’re like, 35 their biological clocks are probably screaming, “OMFG You need to nurture something right now!”

7

I was about to judge the OP to be a dick. But then I thought about my ex wife. She can’t say “no” to stray cats AND she hes never been too crazy about cleaning the litter box or the rest of her house for that matter. If I didn’t know her I’d probably date her until I entered her home. Then I’d be looking for the first opportunity to leave. And then I’d take a long hot shower.

8

Yeah, I felt the same way until I thought about some people I know that are too close to their pets. I think he’s going a little overboard for effect, but the general gist of his rant: that he shouldn’t be treated worse than the pet, is spot on.

9

It’s not even a rant, really. (Hence, here and not in the Pit.) I think that women (and probably some men, though I’ve never dated one) get so focused on “Ooh, gotta be momma to someone or something” that they don’t realize how that impulse might conflict with their real needs, which (they say) are to get into a relationship. There are guys who are attracted to pet-lovers, to be sure, but if your house reeks, and you’re never available (“Gotta walk Hinky at 7 PM, and then I have to give medicine to Slinky at 8, and feed them all by 8:30, so it looks like a movie tonight is out”) and I have to scrub myself free of cat hair if I spend fifteen minutes in your house, well, I’m thinking, “Prolly not for me.”

A straight answer (to the age question) is that pets have put me off ever since I’ve been dating, which started after my divorce 20 years ago, when I was dating women in their 30s, and has continued as the women have gradually moved into their 40s and 50s. It counds awful, and mean, and I know dickish, but it’s just practical: if I find that women with pets, especially women with multiple pets, are not for me as a group, and pet-free women make much more compatible girlfriends, it just makes sense to select more from the latter category, no? I just feel bad when I hear their tales of dating woes, which are far less mysterious to me than it is to them.

10

IMO there is a correlation between “pet obsession” and, well, nuttiness.

I know a woman who lives alone and has five dogs. Her life revolves around the dogs and their needs. And yes, she is bat-poop crazy.

A general rule of thumb I go by: if a woman has more than two cats, she has issues…

11

I think “I don’t like pets” is a very good filter. Use it.

12

Happily, when we met, I had one independent low-maintenance cat, and my husband had two wacky-ass special needs cats. He had a thing against women with dogs, though. It came up on our first date. He felt the same way… lonely women fill the gap with a dog, and it doesn’t leave quite enough space for a man.

The two wacky cats were out of the picture after three months, btw.

13

I think the operative word in this post is A pet. It is more likely that a person has issues when they have more than one or two.

14

This. I’ve never had a problem when a woman has a cat or two, or a dog. When it becomes a menagerie, with a collection of cats, dogs, ferrets, birds, and/or the like, it becomes an issue.

If I was on match.com, and I saw a profile with several kitty photos, each showing a different cat, it raises a red flag.

It’s much the same way with children, too. If a woman has one child, it’s to be expected. Two, it depends. Three or more, or grandkids (when she’s in her 30s or early 40s!), and I steer clear; I wonder if she’ll have time for me, or if she’s just looking for a new daddy for her litter.

15

I hate the large dogs who lunge at me as I’m jogging at the park. It’s become a routine for me, as I round the bend and see them coming: “Oh shit, here comes a female and her ‘don’t rape me’ dog.”

The fact that women have a justified fear of assault is something I hate exponentially more than I hate being lunged at by big dogs, but godammit, these women have a responsibiltiy to train and control their dogs. Harumph!

16

Geez…

Anybody who knows ANYTHING about dogs knows those are referred to as DRMDs.

17

So you’ve learned that you prefer not to date animal lovers. Well, we all have our own preferences. I consider one of my boyfriend’s positive traits that he has a huge soft spot for animals. When we first started dating he immediately bonded with one of my two cats. We’ve added a dog to the family since we became a couple and she’s like our child. I wouldn’t be happy dating someone who didn’t love animals as much as I do, and I’d never get rid of an animal just to try to meet more men.

Unless you’re talking about people who are hoarding a bunch of animals, it seems weird to me that the animals are taking up all this time that it interferes with dating. Cats are especially easy to take care of. I’ve left my cats alone for days while I was traveling. Put out a bunch of food and water, clean the litterbox right before you go, and they’re fine.

18

Another possibility is that the woman is using it as an excuse to blow you off. I own not one but two cats, and I have no prob going away for the weekend with no more preparation than checking their food and water and making sure the litter box is clean. (If I’m gone for a week, I ask the neighbor to come in once or twice to fill, fill, and empty respectively.)

19

Possible, but not what’s happening. My last three pet-ladies were interested in moving into my apartment (thankfully, pets are prohibited here, so I didn’t have make it personal) or in having me share their living space. 'Twas I who had to break the news that it wasn’t going to work out.

20

Where’s the problem (aside from the OP’s life lesson for women who want to be in a relationship but also care for one or more animals)? There couldn’t be an easier screening question or statement than ‘Do you have pets? I hate animals,’ especially since most animal lovers seek the same. Fake an allergy if that makes you feel better, but come on, doing this three times or more, to the point where moving in together is a consideration? That’s just irresponsible.