I believe that Homer had the shotgun set on “whore”.
From Boston Legal, the episode where Shirley hosts Thanksgiving dinner, and Poole brings his ward, a young black kid. Denny Crane falls asleep at the table, and eventually the guests break out into a big fight. Denny wakes up to all the yelling and asks, “Did the black boy steal something?”
“So what am I ? A blind ghost with clothes ?” - Geordie LaForge, ST : TNG
“It was a bloodless coup. The previous regime was all smothered with pillows.” - Simpsons.
“Good news, we managed to save your husband’s arm. Where do you want it ?” - One of the Police Squad movies.
“It looks like you are about to go . . . where everyone has gone before.” - Babylon 5, Ivanova to Sheridan, who is the target of a seduction attempt by an agent of Clarke
- Officers burst into a tavern; there’s a blind man in a room filled with corpses. *
Officer : “What happened ?”
Blind guy : “There seems to have been a bit of a squabble.”
Officer : “Squabble ?! They’re all dead, man !”
Blind guy : “Oh ? It must have been more of a tiff then.” - Yellowbeard
“Someone oughta punch you, but I won’t. I won’t. Ah the HELL I won’t!” – John Wayne, McClintock! (followed immediately by John Wayne punching the guy in the face and sending him sliding down a muddy hill)
“Look Spongebob! Wormsign!” (this one is hillarious if you’ve read Dune, where they go into some detail about “Wormsign”, rippling on the sand that shows a sandworm is traveling underground. In this case, it was a little sign that said “Worm”)
ETA: From Babylon 5: “Thank you, Mr. Marcus. If I ever wish to be horribly depressed, I’ll be sure to give you a call.”
“Forget about the fucking toe!”
“Obviously you’re not a golfer.”
“I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!”
And from my other favorite movie…
“To hardly know him is to no him well.”
“A little? And you a writer? Tsk, tsk, tsk. I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives. You know, at one time I think I secretly wanted to be a writer.”
"This is the Voice of Doom calling. Your days are numbered, to the seventh son of the seventh son. "
“Look! I have one job on this lousy ship, it’s stupid, but I’m gonna do it! Okay?”
My mother and I will go back and forth with movie quotes a little randomly. These are some favorites:
“You defiled a Christmas tree?!”
“No one saw!”
“Nothing for the nose?”
“Black barbecue sauce?”
“It’s very hot. Don’t eat it.”
“Would you say you had a…plethora?”
“What are you doing here?”
“You invited me.”
“I never thought for a second you’d be stupid enough to come!”
“Well, that makes you a tease.”
"Don’t pay anybody in advance. And don’t ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky. "
“Well, don’t say it!”
“It only works on here, Jayne.”
“…Well, now I know that.”
“No grenades!”
"Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90-pound girl 'cause… I don’t think that’s ever getting old. "
“this was a poorly written episode!”
Also:
“I…must’ve.”
“Nine years of ballet, asshole!”
Love that movie.
From Hot Fuzz, in response to the line “Your father has nominated himself judge, jury, and executioner!!!” The response (in shock and tears), “My Dad is NOT Judge Judy and Executioner!”
Heh. Do you bawl like baby during M’Lynn’s monologue before that? It kills me every damn time and I’ve seen that movie over a dozen times. That is some prime Sally Field scenery chewing right there.
Okay, from my other favorite movie:
“Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.”
And…
“Yes. Yes. Without the ‘oops.’” (I just enjoyed Goldblum’s delivery on that line.)
“I picked a helluva day to quit drinking.” Russell Case (Homage to Airplane!)
“Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue.”
And…
*“Ow! You fat penguin!” *
Oh man, I forgot this one:
*Saw the whole thing, dude. First you were all like “whoa”, and we were like “whoa”, and you were like “whoa…” *
“Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not “every man for himself”, and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.”
From A Fish Called Wanda. It’s the “I looked them up.” part that just makes me LOSE it.
“Black puddin’s really black today, Ma. Even the white bits are black.”
Spoken by Michael Palin in a thick and probably inauthentic Yorkshire accent in an episode of the fabulous Ripping Yarns.
And really, almost all of The Impostors, which is a very silly movie:
“Was that your best shot, savage gypsy lover?!” from Billy Connolly
The anarchist radioing home about the deposed queen being on board:
“She bathed in champagne while we never bathed at all!”
Offended radio operator: “I bathed!”
The widow whose wealthy husband left it all to charity shrieking “Life without money is no goddamn life at all!”
I love that movie! None of it sounds funny out of context, but in context it just has me in fits of giggles.
There’s a line in Vin Diesel’s terrible XXX movie where he says ‘It’s the only education we got!’ I don’t know if it’s meant to be funny but it cracks me up just thinking about it.
Col. Hogan: “Don’t try to be funny.”
Said to Kinchloe after he asks, “Why can’t I be a German and Carter stay here?”
Cracked me up as a kid and still makes me smile.
Monty Python, describing life on the range during the great Chicken Rush of the late 1800’s:
“A man could ride for literally weeks without seeing his aunties.”
“Ray. If someone asks if you’re a god, you say, YES ! !” - Ghostbusters
“I am NOT a merry man !” - Worf, stuck in the role of one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men by Q
Q to Worf : “Oh, please. Spare me the tale of the boy who cried Worf.”
Q : “What can I do to prove to you I’m human ? !”
Worf : “Die.”
Q : “Oh, very funny Worf. Eaten any good books lately ?”
That has to be one of the funniest and yet inexplicably grating routines I have ever seen.
I haven’t been fucked like that since Grade School.
-Marla Singer in Fight Club
the line from the book was:
I wanna have your abortion.
G5 Playa!
“I’m from the government and I’m here to inspect the chicken nuggets!”
I crack up everytime