*Colonel Ticonderoga: You missed! How could you miss?
Jud: Even with these sights we have a target a hundred yards away, maybe more, we’ve never fired these weapons before, there’s a definite wind factor, AND we have a problem with the sun!
Colonel Ticonderoga: Just shoot, okay? *
-Rustler’s Rhapsody (a sadly under-rated film)
From Who’s Line Is It Anyway?:
Ryan: We’ll return to “Touched By a Minister” right after these messages…
From Ocean’s Eleven, at the end when Rusty (Brad Pitt) is picking up Danny Ocean (George Clooney) from prison. Ocean emerges from the prison wearing the same tuxedo he was arrested in.
Rusty, completely deadpan: I hope you were the groom.
From Clue
Butler: To make a long story short…
Everyone: Too late!
From Ghostbusters
Ok, so she’s a dog.
From * Animaniacs*
Whoah, dumber than advertised.
From The Muppet Movie
If frogs couldn’t hop, I’d be gone with the schwinn.
Fozzie: You don’t go to India to break into movies, you go to Hollywood!
Gonzo: Sure, if you want to do it the easy way.
Kermit: Bear left!
Fozzie: Right, frog!
“Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips!”
– The Blues Brothers
You’re probably asking yourself why, in a movie with one of the greatest lines in cinema history*, I would choose that one. It’s just such an irreverent line, coming from an authority figure who’s supposed to be not only a competent professional, but also concentrating on the task at hand, that I can’t help but identify with it. Also, John Candy was the man.
From movies:
-Tonight, on the Ocho! -Dodgeball
-Fare thee well, Baxter. You shall always be friend of the bears. -Anchorman
-God loves a terrier. -Best in Show
-Excuse me, stewardess? I speak jive. -Airplane!
-You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. - The Princess Bride
-Never go full retard. -Tropic Thunder
From TV. All from that gem of a show, Futurama
-This concept of ‘wuv’ confuses and infuriates us!
-Hey. What kind of party is this? There’s no booze and only one hooker.
-Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex.
-Fry: Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin.
Dr. Zoidberg: You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?
“See, we plan ahead, that way we don’t do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.”
“I have a beverage here maaaannn.”
“I’m Brian Fellows.”
“That bird is a LIAR! I’m Brian Fellows.”
“I like searching for life forms, happy little life forms, where are you?”
“Cram a bastard in it you turd!”
“You puss dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky.”
Val got the good lines: paraphrasing from the ending… “Then it just came to me. Stampede.”
“Bullshit! I know Nixon personally. He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that could fertilize the Sinai. Why, I wouldn’t buy an apple from the son of a bitch and I consider him a good, close, personal friend.”
It’s the ‘close, personal friend’ that gets me. Pefectly delivered.
From the Sherlock Holmes TV series starring the great Jeremy Brett:
*Dr. John Watson: What are you going to do?
Sherlock Holmes: To smoke. It is quite a three-pipe problem, and I beg that you won’t speak to me for fifty minutes. *
Jackie Chiles: “Of course a bra’s not going to fit on over a leotard. A bra’s got to fit right up against a person’s skin…like a glove!”
Troy McClure: “But for that ending to work you’d have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. And that would be downright nutty.”
“Gentlemen, Congratulations. You’re everything we’ve come to expect from years of government training”
I almost spit coffee out on my screen. 
"Nine schnitzel grubens are my limit?
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
Roll, Roll, Roll in the hay.
Well Bob, I’d say in a week I probably put in a good 15 minutes.
I’m afreakin’ people person, what is wrong with you people?
Message for you sir
Huge tracts of land
Yet a couple more Fandango quotes both involving Truman Sparks:
Gardner: She looks fast Truman.
Truman Sparks: Yeah, it’s the stripes!
When Phil Hicks is getting ready jump out of Trumans duck taped plane:
Truman: Better to go out(die) like this than in some senseless tragedy
From Newsradio:
“I try to be good hard-worker-man, but refrigemater so messy, so so messy.”
“Well how could she do that to me, Lisa? How could she… french her daddy?” (Phil Hartman’s timing on that line was perfect.)
" I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo… dung."
RR
This is pretty obscure, but it’s from Penn and Teller Get Killed (the only line I remember laughing at):
“Do what you want to the girl, just leave me alone.”
The awful (and yet strangely compelling) 1960s version of Casino Royale has some marvelous throwaway lines. There are two from the scene where Mata Bond (daughter of Sir James Bond and Mata Hari) is infiltrating the school for spies that her mother attended during WWI.
While exploring her mother’s room:
Mata Bond: What an enormous bed!
Polo: The German Army was very large in those days.
Later, while Mata and the Headmistress, Frau Hoffner, are walking down a dusty corridor they come across a cobwebbed corpse against the wall.
Mata: Who is that?
Frau Hoffner:Ach, it is Little Otto. He was one of your mother’s lovers. We often find him lying around the place.
Mata: Is he dead?
Frau Hoffner: *It’s hard to say. He always looked like that. *
Sheriff Bart: “Are we awake?”
Waco Kid: “We’re not sure. Are we …black?”
Sheriff Bart: “Yes, we are.”
Waco Kid: “Then, we’re awake, but we’re very puzzled.”
We’ve got both kinds of music here. Country and Western.
(after taking cover just before an Indian attack and the odds don’t look good)
For what we are about to receive, may the lord make us truly grateful.
Don’t call me tiny.
“Warning! Warning! Prepare to be abducted!”
Taggart: We’ll work up a Number 6 on ‘em.
Hedley Lamarr: “Number 6”? I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that one.
Taggart: Well, that’s where we go a-ridin’ into town, a-whompin’ and a-whumpin’ every livin’ thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?
Taggart: Naw, we rape the shit out of them at the Number Six Dance later on.
“God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.”