What I’m asking is, when a woman says she has a signifigant other (ugh, what a term), how do we know if she’s telling the truth or just lying to get rid of us?
(Not that it matters, in an objective sense; but the ego ramifications are considerable.)
It really doesn’t matter. It means no. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to tell a guy that than try to let him down gently.
Robot Arm, if a girl you just met says that, do as others have said and stop asking her to go out (or flirting with her for the purpose to go out). It means “No”.
I’ve just met you, I’m a single lonely woman, I don’t want to risk that if I say “I’m not interested” I’m gonna get a longer conversation with a guy asking me why or insisting even more.
Now, that’s why I say wait a few minutes before asking… unless the conservation is going awkward.
Good point. If you don’t know her well enough to know if she’s available, you’re not so far along in the friendship that you’re going to lose out on much if you piss her off.
Me, I’ve always had the most success asking out women who were friends first, and along the way to being friends I found out what their relational status was.
You do realize that is as shallow as what the other poster said, right? 
By going straight for the most attractive woman you’re ignoring the ones that, while not “hot” are still good looking. You’re still doing something based on how the other person looks.
And sadly, if a girl does the opposite she’s not necessarily as well treated by the guy as the guy probably is by the woman. Because telling someone “I have someone else” is better than “I think you’re ugly, you’re not pretty enough, you’re fat, you’re weird, etc.” 
I understand your point, but I took the comment a different way. I think what is being said is, if you find yourself intrigued by someone and want to go talk to her, don’t stop to over-analyze the situation, thinking she’s too rich/too smart/too good-looking to bother with. Just go for it, because you just never know.
That and what’s attractive to one person may not be attractive to another.
If i spot a girl i like, then i rush to the nearest butchers and buy her some meat. Nothing too big or bulky, like a hogs head or lamb flank, and not red meat, as that can seem a bit overpowering and masculine. Something white, and maybe a bit classy like maybe something from the poultry family. It depends on what the Butcher has really.
Once i’ve done that, then i’ll run up to the lady in question, smile and hold out my gift towards her. Then i’ll normally say something like:
“Hi, you don’t know me but i thought you might like some of this meat. Its good meat - very fresh. Also, would you maybe like to have dinner sometime? Possibly tonight with this meat, or maybe another time at a restaurant or something.”
I have to say, this method has never failed - they always give you an answer. Well, most of the time anyway. Sometimes they run away - but i figure those girls must be vegetarians. Unluckily, all the girls i have ever asked out have all seemed to either have boyfriends or be vegetarians (apart from one girl once who kicked me in the groin first then ran away, so not only was she a vegetarian, but also into that whole kinky sex thing. I definitely dodged a bullet there). I’m sure there’s someone out there for me somewhere though. Its only a matter of time.
Some people like to say it with flowers, i like to say it with meat.
Reading it again, I realize you’re right. Of course, you have to do it like mr. bus explained he did it.
I was thinking of the kind of guys that talk to any girl they see at the gas station (or bus stop, for that matter) reading that first part and then ignoring the rest of his advice.
I have been off the market for a long time, but when I was single, I preferred the direct approach: if you want to go out with me, ask me out. Don’t dither around determining whether or not I’m “available.” If you ask me out, and I say yes, then I am “available.” If I say no, then I’m not (to you, at least).
I wasn’t one of those good-looking women who got a lot of offers, so I can’t speak for them.
And people wonder why I have a crush on garius.
swoon
I like your style. 
I now refrain from asking them out. I figure women – no matter what they look like or where they are – get hassled by asshole guys asking them out all the time, and most are either attached or uninterested. Furthermore, I figure they want to buy what I’m selling, so to speak. So I am always polite and friendly to women I meet, but I don’t hit on them. I don’t want to be one more asshole for them to contend with. This goes double for “captive” women: waitresses, cashiers, bartenders, box office clerks… they can’t even get away from the steady stream of guys they deal with day in and day out, so I do them a service by not being the latest creepy jerk to flirt with them.
A man’s advice to other men:
Don’t hit on women. Be polite, pleasant, and if possible, attractive. Radiate that you are in a good place in your life without a woman. Wait for a woman to show interest in you. If you aren’t sure whether she’s showing interest in you then she’s not. Wait for something that is clear to you. If she’s really interested, she’ll keep stepping it up until it is obvious (to you that she’s interested, or to her that you’re stupid).
Once she’s interested, you really can’t go wrong. Just react naturally. If you are a direct sort of person, be direct. If you’re not, be subtle. Once she’s interested, she won’t be offended, even if she changes her mind (which she probably won’t).
See, that’s what i’ve always figured is the only thing that matters really. When i say “always”, i obviously mean after the standard post-puberty years of seeing every rejection as some kind of concerted effort by womankind to destroy my manhood.
Generally i’ve never been a big fan of the “approaching strangers solely to ask them out” thing anyway. I’m more likely to end up chatting to a woman for some reason and then think “hmmm… wonder if she fancies going out.” If that does happen, then during the conversation i’ll keep an ear out for hints that she’s spoken for or hints that she’s definitely not interested and then, if an opportunity occurs, simply ask her if she fancies getting a coffee or something.
If she’s not then its no skin off my nose. Rejecting someone is, in some ways, as embarrasing as being rejected, so why should either party want to dwell on it? We can then carry on chatting or (if one of us feels uncomfortable) go our seperate ways. It’s not worth making a big deal about.
At the end of the day, apart from keeping an eye and an ear out for obvious signs, the important question is whether she fancies a drink or not. If she doesn’t, then the reason for it, whether its because she has a boyfriend or simply isn’t interested, is largely her business.
As an aside, i’ve always thought that women must find it rather offensive if a bloke stops interacting with them the moment they’ve determined that they’re unavailable (however politely). Kind of a “what? i was worth a shag but not worth talking to?” thing.
But don’t tell anybody. We don’t want everybody to know. Just us Dopers.
Back when I was single (and quite attractive, too) I never, EVER went out with a guy who tried to pick me up with a line. I rode the city busses a lot, and got a lot of guys offering me a ride to “wherever you wanna go, baby.” I played a lot of arcade games, and got lots of variations of “you wanna try out another joystick?” What worked on me was a guy asking me if I wanted to go out sometime. One guy happened to work at a gas station (and I was driving my parents’ car, with my college ID sticker on it) and mentioned that he went to the same college. He said that he knew that many women didn’t like to give out phone numbers to random guys, but he’d like to give me HIS number, and call him up to talk for a bit, and if I decided I’d like to go out with him, he’d be happy. Now, whether that was a line he frequently used or not, I don’t know. But it worked on me, we had a pretty good relationship for a year or so, and we had no hard feelings when we broke up. I’ve had other guys ask me flat out if I wanted to go out, and sometimes I’d say yes, sometimes no, depending on the vibe I got from the guy, but I hated guys who’d try to use a line that they thought was slick or cool on me.
Do not be Black Mage. Just DON’T. The next comic, by the way, is a one-shot, but keep clicking “next comic” until Black Mage thinks “Sucker!”
Dude, that’s so completely insane I’m seriously wondering just why it wouldn’t work. Yeah, 90% of women (I’m being kind here) will in fact inform you they are vegetarian or have a guy, or a gal, or both. But the ones who respond, Christ, they have a killer sense of humor. And they can probably cook that meat for you as well!
As a bartender this just made me laugh out loud.
The funny thing is, a lot of guys actually use this philosphy as a line in itself. “I know you’re a bartender, you probably get hit on all day long, I won’t do that to you…God, you’re really pretty, though. But I won’t hit on you. But…but I mean, I just wanted to say I think you’re gorgeous. Could I, maybe, buy you a shot at least, or something? I’m not hitting on you, though! I just…I think you’re really pretty and you seem like a cool chick…”
It’s part of my job description to flirt with guys at my bar, so unless the guy just Won’t Let It Go, I don’t take offense to it. I do have an SO, but there have been a few guys I’d have gone out with if I didn’t, and the secret to their success is that they just talked to me, with humor and respect, vs. sitting there telling me how hot I am and how they just had to take me out or whatever.
As for the OP, I’m generally cool with the direct method. “So are you involved already?” or something like that is fine.
What does irk me is that lots of guys don’t really believe me, because as a bartender I’m expected to just invent one to avoid the hassle. Like somehow, even if I WERE making it up, it would help their case or their ego to know that.
That’s kind of what I was trying to say, but it sounds better there. I mean here.