Let me add my voice to those that don’t agree with this statement. In fact, I couldn’t disagree more. Some women are too shy to be obvious (or simply dislike to be obvious). Some are being obvious, from their point of view, but have an entirely different frame of reference regarding what it means to be “obvious” than the poor schmuck who sits on the other side of the table in desperate need of a frenzied beating with a clue-by-four.
I found out, many years after it would have done me any good, that during a period in my life that was a barren dating wasteland, there were a number of women that were interested in me and would have happily gone out with me had I simply asked. One confessed some time after she had married that she had a huge crush on me in high school. Another told me, years later (after she had married and I was dating my future wife) that she was interested in me when we were in college. In both cases (and others, so I’ve been told) I was completely clueless. And because I believed then the advice that you’re giving now, I never pursued any relationships with these ladies.
In one of life’s funny little twists, now that I’m happily married, I’m much more likely to pick up on those clues that I missed so often when I was single, although my wife will still occasionally inform me, much to my astonishment (and her amusement), that I was being flirted with.
If you see the most beautiful girl in the history of all space/time at the grocery store and you want to meet her, go for it. You just might end up dating her for a couple of months.
Are you sure we aren’t Evil Twins? Because I, too, once went on (not one but two) “dates” with a guy I’d met, not realizing that they were intended to be so. :smack:
He’s married to my best friend, now, and still teases me about being clueless.
Heck, I’ve gotten a marriage proposal from a (presumably) Indian guy, and I’m not Indian! (Very, very white, actually.)
In regards to the gift of meat: don’t leave a ground hamburger heart on the hood of your beloved’s car in summertime. This happened to a friend of mine.
Gentlemen, gentlemen…allow me to present you with the best “line” (if that’s even what you want to call it) to use on a woman. Most women will only say no to this because either a: they are taken or b: they are a cold, frosty, heartless witch.
My ex used this line on me. I was in RiteAid, looking at nail polish, and I saw him walk up out of the corner of my eye. Now, I’m used to creepy guys hitting on me with sleazy lines or looking at (worse yet: TALKING ABOUT) my boobs. I couldn’t believe someone was so complimentary…so nice.
So, it is to be noted; this “line” only works if you maintain eye contact throughout the convo
I am not one of those attractive girls who get approached by guys all the time. And I am also very bad at taking hints. My default assumption is that a guy is not interested in me, so I am not going to bother him and put myself up for rejection by asking him out. If he’s really interested in me, he should have the balls to let me know it and ask me out.
If you’re just wondering if she’s unattached (although why you would be wondering that without wanting to ask her out, I don’t know, and if you want to ask her out, see above), then a simple, “Are you seeing anyone?” will do.
Pretty girls don’t get asked out any more than average girls. Really.
2)You expect a guy to expose himself to rejection, but you refuse to even let him know that you are interested? That’s a great idea, hon. Let me know how that works out for ya.
To plagarize for a moment, if you’re really interested in him, you should have the balls to let him know it and ask him out.
I understand that men and women have different roles to play in the dating game, but you can’t expect a man to give what you won’t.
SusanStoHelit
Who thanks God every night that she isn’t gay, because girls are weird.
Crud. Hit submit instead of preview. I meant to add, not that we girls aren’t weird in just the way you mean. I never think, though, “I wish he’d ask me out,” but, “I wish I had the guts to ask him out.” Overcoming cowardice is a lifelong project.
My first reaction is if you like the look of a woman, ask her out! You can EASILY mention the ‘are you off out to meet with your boyfriend’ or any such similar line to make sure she isnt otherwise attached, and anyway, you can usually tell after just a sentance or two if the woman you have approached is interested in talking to you, and vice versa.
I think approaches are only ever creepy if they are overly smarmy or crude. Most other approaches at least get my initial attention. Unless Im the exception, I think most females acknosledge how difficult it CAN be to go over and chat up a girl and so are quite thoughtful about how they handle the approach - and the approacher!
As for asking the man out…thats a difficult one. There are times I think I should, but I AM very old fashioned, I like the romance, I like the man to be the man, I like the feeling of a man looking after me etc, and so the man asking ME out is all sort of part of it somehow.
Im NOT a woman who likes to be under a mans wing, but I DO like him to openly and visibly care for me…that way i am MORE THAN HAPPY to openly and visibly be ALL OVER HIM!!! Naughty but nice!
So, if you see a woman and you want to ask her out - go chat to her - HONESTLY - dont try to be something you’re not, be yourself, and DONT let the fact that you think she is out of your league stop you approaching her. Perhaps she is standing there longing for some intelligent /funny /genuine male company and would welcome the chat?
YOU may be the one who after a minute of two chatting, doesnt want to continue talking to her!
DiosaBellissima, I’m going to disagree with you. While I am taken at the moment, I’m not a cold, frosty, heartless witch. I’m a warm, amusing Christian. I’d also wonder about about the sanity, eyesight, and sincerity of a man who used that line on me. You see, while you may indeed be “Bellissima”, I own a mirror and I know I’m not beautiful. I sort of had that knowledge beaten into me. I admit it could be charming under the right circumstances which might even include most circumstances, but it’s not a sure winner.
Sensibility got it right, in my opinion. If you’re interested in a woman, go over and TALK TO HER! There’s a fellow I know who’s very shy with women and who thinks he’s kind of geeky, kind of nerdy, and not particularly attractive. Nearly two years ago, he noticed a girl at a gathering of an organization they belonged to and wondered if she lived in town. Over the following months, as they turned up at the same local events together, he found out she did and they’d get to talking. At a New Year’s Eve party, they got to talking for a long time. A few weeks later she gave him her phone number. He looked at it, wondered “Why’s she trying to sell me medical supplies?”, asked his sister for advice and learned the reason she gave him her phone number is she wanted to go out with him.
That was a year and a half ago, and the kind of geeky, kind of nerdy guy is the reason I’m not available and, while he doesn’t believe this, I find him very attractive with the face of a young Greek god. The reason I gave him my number is because he talked to me and I found him interesting and attractive, witty and fun. I still do.
GO FOR IT, GUYS!!! Trust me, the women who are interested in you are out there. While a line can be amusing, it’s the man behind the line we’ll say “Yes” to.
Gentlemen…at least do some research.
That is to say, I have a great pair of boobs, but I’m also wearing an engagement ring.
If some of your number could drag their attention from the former long enough to glance at the latter they would save themselves a lot of embarassment.
Also, whatever you do say, try and look at her EYES when you say it.
Yes, I’m sounding pissed-off and bitter, but only because I went out to the pub last night with some of my girlfriends and had to deal with some complete idiots.
Yes! Cooking for us is good. An ex had a repetoire of special seduction recipes that he’d use in his attempts to get the girl. It generally worked for him too.
Susan, while what you say is true (girls should ask the guy they like out), it is more difficult I think for women to do it than for men. The culture probably has a lot to do with it, and with the added thing that not all guys will treat a female stranger as nice as a woman would do if the roles were reversed. Good guys will certainly be nice about it, though.
Irishgirl, your comment just reminded me of something that just happened to me. Roles reversed, of course, and I had forgotten that in some places men wear the engagement ring on the right hand. At least I hope to keep him as a friend, and truly, I still feel a bit embarrassed about it, I just didn’t know.
I’m fat, old, and married, so it’s been years since I’ve been in this situation, but I confess I was always charmed by the casual sneaking-in of the boyfriend line, as others have suggested. It always seemed clever to me. It gave the fellow a way to save face, gave me a very easy out if I wasn’t interested (or actually had a boyfriend) and, to boot, it was flattering to me (assuming I was already snapped up by someone else).
The “would your boyfriend beat me up” line would probably make me laugh out loud (in a good way).
Yes, but I wasn’t talking about walking up to a stranger and asking him out. When you see a potential, you have to let him know that you are interested, usually by body language at first. Then, taking your cue from his response, you make the signals more direct and “louder” until he feels secure enough in your interest to ask you out.
Girls don’t usually do the asking, but they do have a responsiblity to make their interest (or lack thereof) clear to the guy. Thus, a man who knows how to read the signs will only ask once he’s been “preapproved”. If everyone follows those unwritten rules, the women are actually choosing who asks them out.
It is a slightly larger chance for rejection for the women, and a much smaller chance for the men.
I doesn’t matter whether you know the signals or not. You send them already. If you are aware of it, you can have more control- avoid sending the wrong signals to the wrong guy.
I used to be very bad at it, but I’ve read some interpersonal communication textbooks and some Dale Carnegie books (How to Win Friends and Influence People, etc). I just studied it like any other subject, and practiced it at dances and clubs. I’m still no master, but I’ve noticed a difference in the quality of my interactions (romantic and otherwise).
Now if I’m flirting with an especially clueless fellow, I will increase the strength of my signals until his poor little reciever can pick them up. I’m not completely heartless.
It may be a game, but it exists for a reason- to protect the dignity of all involved in our strange and convoluted mating dances.
I go for particularly bold women, so the ones I’ve been involved with have done the asking…sometimes in such a direct way I was left speechless. But I’m just as shy about asking a woman out as I would about asking a man out. It’s the same thing.
