(Sister Dating) What Should I Do??

[Drunky_Smurf]

@Stringbean

Perhaps a stereotypical men’s-advice column can clear up the confusion, man.

This article is wrong and doesn’t address the issue. Firstly “Your Momma” jokes are the ultimate form of humor and it’s even better amongst good buds. Secondly that article talks about dating a friends sister and not dating one’s own sister.

[Kimballkid]

@QuickSilver

I think I know what ‘code’ the OP is talking about. It’s the bro’ code.

As my high school teen explained to me recently, the bro’ code is as follows: If you want to ask the girl that your bro’ recently dated, you gotta ask him three times if it’s cool with him that you ask her out. If he says he’s cool with it, you can ask her out. Else, you gotta either wait for permission or sneak around behind his back. In the latter case, you’ve broken the bro’ code. I imagine that’s what the OP is alluding to. So it’s a thing. A moronic thing. But a thing. <shrug>

I was hoping the ‘bro code’ had died with How I Met Your Mother.

[Stringbean]

@Drunky_Smurf

This article is wrong and doesn’t address the issue. Firstly “Your Momma” jokes are the ultimate form of humor and it’s even better amongst good buds. Secondly that article talks about dating a friends sister and not dating one’s own sister.

It directly addresses the issue of a friend dating your sister and shows the common understanding among heterosexual males, i.e. the code.

[Dinna_Fash]

@WhyNot

OP, I was your sister. More or less. Bright, good grades, everyone thought I was destined for great things. Took up with a 21 year old just after I turned 17. Ended up pregnant. While everyone else saw it as a tragedy, I secretly saw it as a blessed relief. I was too scared to go away to school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn’t have any idea how to figure it out. The baby was a perfect delaying tactic. I was able to put off deciding What I Want To Be When I Grow Up until I was 31, and really had some clue.

Do I suggest this path? No, not really. I love my son (now almost 22) and I’m glad he’s in my life, but if I was picking the easy path in life, this wouldn’t have been it.

If you want to help her, help her realize how awesome she is. Help her find her talents, her passions, her skills. Build up her self-confidence and her life skills and professional talents. Tell her everything about her that is true and amazing. I guarantee you this guy is telling her nice things. She may feel like he’s the only one who does, who accepts her for who she is. Show her that you do too. Will it make her break up with him? Probably not, if she’s really in love with him. But building her up to realize all her good qualities has a far better chance of empowering her than tearing her down and sending her to his shoulder to cry on.

Finally…find out what SHE wants. Just because you, your parents and everyone else think she should go to Big Name School doesn’t mean it’s what she wants, or what’s the best choice for her. Really, for the first two years of college, it doesn’t matter where you go. Big Name Schools are largely a waste of money.

You said this better than I could; this is almost my story as well. I only fell for the guy because he was the first one to tell me nice things. The older I get, the more I realize how naive I was for falling for it. At 16, I was only a trophy to him

[susan]

OP, I was also your sister and all was, and still is, well.

Truly, you can’t rely on a message board to answer a question like this.

[TBG]

If you can bait him into attacking you, you might be able to get him locked up until your sister comes to her senses (and the attack might help with that too). Just make sure you don’t hit him first. Ideally don’t hit him at all, or it might be hard to prove he hit first or that it wasn’t mutual combat.

Otherwise, if you aren’t willing to take a few for the team, you could gather up a bunch of friends and go “have a discussion” with the creep and let him know that he might want to think twice about your sister. Again, be careful not to actually hit him, or he might be wuss enough to narc on you and get you locked up. Just imply heavily.

Finally, you could try his parents. Since he apparently lets them run his life, maybe you could convince them to tell him to stop messing with jailbait.