I don’t mean this to be entirely depressing and morbid. But a few people have asked me how my sister was coming along, since I posted a message a few weeks/months ago about how she was pregnant and I was freaking out. Everyone gave me these great tips on how to approach her, sent me patterns for baby things to make and was completely happy for me and for her.
Well, the baby wasn’t developing and she had to have a D & C. It was kind of horrible, I admit. My sister who NEVER cries called me in tears wailing, “Laura, it was HORRIBLE.” And I couldn’t do anything to make her feel better.
But the good news is that she IS better now. She seems strong, as usual, and is ready to try again, disgusted with the doc’s suggestion that she wait for two months. So she’s not scared off, she’s healthy, and even though she’s sad because she really feels that she lost a BABY, she’s still got her chin up and is moving on.
Thanks to all who encouraged us both (me and indirectly, my sister).
I’ve been thinking about you lately, because I remember the thread you posted about your sister. My sister was pregnant at the time, too. She lost that baby, and today found out that although she thought she was pregnant, it’s not developing as it should. She already had to have one D&C (for first miscarriage – this is the third in six months), so she is praying she won’t have to have another D&C.
So I know where you are. It’s hard. My sister is being very upbeat about it, and I keep reminding her that they’ve really only been trying for six or seven months, but it’s so hard. She has all the pregnancy symptoms (nausea, tiredness, etc.) but isn’t pregnant.
ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks and Campion, you and your sisters have my sympathy.
Of COURSE they feel like they’ve lost a baby, but none of this is their fault. There is nothing they could of done or should have done that would have made it turn out any differently.
ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks-you make sure your sister knows that 20-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, that it’s common and doesn’t have any implications for the future.
Campion-I’m assuming you’re talking about what they used to call a “blighted ovum”, where a pregnancy sac develops, without a baby in it. After 3 miscarriages (and this counts as a third) they usually offer to do some investigations (genetic testing, antibody tests, that sort of thing). Your sister may feel reassured by negative results of these tests, or they might find a treatable cause. At any rate, somethimes peole are just unlucky, the next pregnancy will, in all likelihood, be fine.
Best wishes for all your futures, and I hope you’ll have healthy neices and/or nephews soon.
The first pregnancy was initially thought to be a blighted ovum, but then they said no, it’s a blah blah (I forget the name). The second one she miscarried the day before her doctor’s visit to confirm the pregnancy. The third one she went in at six weeks, but no heartbeat, so the doc said her dates must be off, come back in a week. A week later, they can see the sac, etc., but the fetus is the wrong size.
And, yes, the doctor is now on about genetic testing, etc., and he has already figured out she doesn’t produce enough progesterone so there may be drugs in her future. She does think it’s her fault, because of her age, but I’ve told her that’s just dumb. Plenty of women get pregnant in their mid-thirties, and while it may be harder, it will still happen for her.
Plus, the best part is that this gives her husband time to adjust to the notion. He grew up fatherless and so assumes he will be a terrible father. We have suggested he look at our father, who is a nutter, so that he’ll realize that good fathers come in all shapes and sizes.
Campion- give your sister a big hug!
No, mid-thirties is NOT too late (mid-forties might worry doctors, but not 10 years earlier). Like I said, 20-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriages, so even 3 in a row could just be down to a streak of bad luck.
Low progesterone is usually associated with anovulation (no egg production), but that’s unlikely to be your sister’s problem if she’s able to get pregnant 3 times in 6 months.
The nest possibility is that they’re saying there are some problems with the corpus luteum, the bit of the ovary that helps to maintain the pregnancy until the placenta forms. It does this by producing progesterone.
The treatment for low progesterone in pregnancy is injections of HCG (a hormone very similar to progesterone) during the first few weeks, it’s an effective treatment, so tell her to look at it like a silver lining. There’s a problem, but there’s also a solution for that problem, so it’s not all doom and gloom by any means.
This is not a good day for babies, it seems. My cousin suffered an Amniotic Fluid Embolism 2 weeks ago, while giving birth to her third child, a son they named Jarrett. Both of them were without oxygen for 5 or 6 minutes. Anita was revived, but still hasn’t regained consciousness. Jarrett was delivered by emergency c-section, but never did show any brain stem activity, so we all knew it was only a matter of time before his little body gave out. Today was that day. Dammit, this just breaks my heart.
Please tell your sister that she is in no way too old. I have three kids and was 29 when the first one was born, 34 for the second birth and 42 when I gave birth to our little “camping accident”. In between, I had two blighted ovums; one at 25 (my first pregnancy and it devastated me for a long time) and another at 36. So, there’s plenty of time and plenty of hope for a healthy pregnancy. Ceiling Whacks, I’m sorry your sister lost the baby. It IS a loss and I’m glad to hear she is coping well. I had a D&C with the second miscarriage and it was a very difficult thing emotionally. I kept asking if they were sure there was no hope, right up until they put me out for the procedure. Best of luck to her.
Amniotic Fluid Embolism is incredibly rare; 1 in 80,000, with an 80% mortality for the mother. Sadly there is no real way of preventing it, and no way of telling who is at risk.
My thoughts are with you, I’ll be praying for Anita’s recovery, and for her husband and daughters.
Salem- again, sorry for your losses, but I’m glad you could come and share the happier parts of your story too.
(Next week I’m on the 8am-4pm shift in the delivery ward- I’m supposed to personally deliver 3 babies, and I’m a bit scared, to say the least. The week after I’m in the Neonatal ICU, which will, if anything, be more stressful. Hopefully I’ll have some happy stories though.)
Dear Choosy , my heartfelt condolences to you and your sister.
A short note that may help your sister; I am the proud grandfather of eight. Should be ten. My DIL lost twin boys who were born premature. We had one with us for two days and the other for 29 days(he was a real fighter).
My point is that my DIL went on to have two more of the most beautiful children I have ever seen.
This too shall pass and great things shall be in your future. If my little story can be seen as an upside, please pass it on to your sister. Prayers for both of you.
