My sister has a group of four female friends that she met through another friend of hers. I’ve met this group twice now at parties hosted by my sister (and brother-in-law), and they have some behaviour that doesn’t seem particularly normal to me. This group of four women go off by themselves and just sit and talk amongst themselves - they make no effort to socialize with anyone else at the party. At last night’s Halloween party, they took themselves off to the basement and spent the entire party watching movies down there (not even Halloween movies).
Do you consider this normal behaviour? Would it bother you to attend social gatherings and parties with people acting like this there? Would you just consider it their business, and talk to the rest of the people there who are willing to socialize?
My mother is a member of an organization (think Sorority) which has meetings in people’s houses. There are people in her chapter who behave very much like the foursome you describe do, albeit not to the extent of watching movies in the basement.
It annoys and frustrates my mother, who makes an effort to eat lunch with someone OTHER than the person she gave a ride to, and tries to get to know everyone.
Of course there are people she likes better, and socializes with outside of official meetings.
But that doesn’t mean she ignores the people she doesn’t know.
In the case of the women you describe, I probably would try not to let it bother me.
But I darn sure wouldn’t invite them to any more parties after I observed the behavior the first time.
Yes, it would bother me to know that someone might be so offended as to avoid a gathering simply because there are others there who choose to socialize in a slightly different way. Or is that not what you meant?
I like parties but I’m not a big fan of hanging around dozens of people I don’t know, nor do I see the purpose of parties to be a meet-n-greet, so for the most part I hang around a small crowd of people I already know. I’m not ignoring you–although I’m not sure why I’m obligated not to anyway–I’m simply socializing the way I enjoy it most. Unless the clique kicked you out of the basement, I can barely fathom why you’d take offense.
Pretty sure. This behaviour is unusual, which is why I noted it.
Dr. Strangelove, are you talking about me taking offence? I don’t think I said that anywhere in the OP - just that I find it odd (because I don’t encounter it, well, ever), and was wondering what other people’s take on it is.
Well, you implied that it would at least be reasonable to be bothered by the presence of such people. And you do consider it abnormal.
Perhaps my response was too strong, though, so I’ll just say this: going solely from what you said, there is nothing even slightly abnormal about their behavior. It may simply be on the introvert side of the spectrum. Introverts are famously incomprehensible to extroverts, so some degree of bogglement is perhaps expected.
Now, it could also be that they are rude, and only going for the free drinks or whatever, and that they don’t hang out with the others because they consider the others beneath them. But without more information it’s impossible to say.
I don’t think it is abnormal for the friends to want to spend time with each other exclusively. That’s how they enjoy parties - no big deal. I do find it abnormal that they are watching movies in the middle of the party. That’s just weird. Why not hang out at home if you are going to be so removed from everything?
I admit some of my friends and I will do this. It is rude especially if taken to an extreme (I would never hole up in someone else’s basement), but it’s a natural inclination for introverted types. It’s why I avoid social events full of people I don’t know well as a matter of course. I know I can’t mingle and I usually don’t try.
Yeah, speaking as a bit of an introvert myself, I’d choose to LEAVE rather than just hang around someplace and do TOTALLY my own thing. I mean, I’ve been known to leave parties I have been HOSTING because I just wasn’t in the mood anymore, but…really? Going to someone else’s house and then…pretending you’re somewhere else? Fairly odd.
For the record, I’m an introvert, too, and I understand the inclination to not make efforts to talk to people you don’t know well. I still find their behaviour odd; I can see a small group of people who know each other well clustering together, but also remaining inclusive to the larger group. These people don’t do that; they cluster together and seem to shut out the rest of the group at the social event.
I think there is an unwritten social contract at play here; when you go to a small social event, there is an expectation that you will socialize with everyone else who attends that event. These people are ignoring that social contract, in my opinion. This is what I think, anyway. Maybe I’m imagining a social expectation where there is none.
I misunderstood your original post to mean your sister was also with them. Now I see that’s incorrect and I change my vote from extrememly rude to a little quirky.
Seems weird to me. I’d put it on the same level as going to a pool party and refusing to don a swim suit or be anywhere near the water, or going to an ethnic restaurant then not eating because they don’t serve burgers. If you don’t want to be part of the festivities, why bother?
At least they hid in the basement - it would have been creepier if they’d holed up in the master bedroom to watch the TV in there…
Because if you don’t go to people’s parties, they get all butthurt and pissy, especially if you tell them you’re not going because you’re peopled the fuck out and would honestly rather be put through a wood chipper than mingle with a bunch of strangers. You get called rude and antisocial.
Of course, if you go anyway and try to make the experience as low-stress as possible by just sinking into a corner with a few people you know well, you still get called rude and antisocial, so it’s clearly not the world’s most effective strategy.
It would annoy me, but only if I were hosting. I tend to see the implicit social contract inherent in parties as, “I feed you and provide you with booze all night, you provide your charming self and participate in the gathering at least a little.” So, if someone came to a gathering I hosted and made no attempt to socialize with the rest of the guests or with me at all, I’d try it again, and if it continued I’d assume they were only coming out of obligation and stop inviting them.
However, if the host isn’t bothered and there are plenty of other people around to socialize among themselves, I wouldn’t care at all.
For a casual Halloween party for adults? I just don’t see the big deal. I agree with Vihaga, if it’s not my house and my party then I just wouldn’t see it as any of my concern. It’s 4 people I don’t know doing something harmless in another room and I don’t have to think about them at all. I guess it’s odd but I just don’t think there’s a whole ton of social protocol around adult Halloween parties.
