If this is just her complaining, it might be a good idea to find a way to change the seating plan. If this nose-picking kid is getting a lot of abuse from his classmates, then changing almost anything would legitimize the bullying and embarrass him terribly, most likely.
Yeah, well, mine too. And kids can definitely approach the teacher about it and have a reasonable conversation; I’ve had kids younger than her approach me about similar issues. She doesn’t need mama’s backup. Mama’s coaching? Sure. But mama will serve her best by hanging back.
I see what you’re saying. And it just depends on the child at this age. But these particular circumstances are difficult–she might even become ostracized herself. So I agree with you, but the balance of support/back-up/take over is in the hands of those intimately aware here.
Thanks for your post. It’s all a matter of balance with kids and I hadn’t said that.
no shit. kid’s got some gross habits and we’ve got a helicopter parent and some others thinking he needs therapy. Christ.
But we cannot change our seat at work*, and oftentimes not on a train or public transport either. We cannot always walk away as adults, for a number of reasons.
And finding it “very distressing” sounds a bit dramatic. In the grand scheme of things, a skin-picker is pretty low on the totem pole. When did kids stop saying, “EW!” about the booger-pickers in their lives and start getting parents involved?
10 or 11 is a reasonable time to start learning some lessons about the world. This one won’t cause her injury or harm. Teach the kid some coping mechanisms, talk to her about tolerance and kindness and compassion, as May 20 posted.
*I worked at a company where one woman would put boogers on her keyboard so no one would use it. She was seriously bizarre. You know what we did? Ignored it.
Wow, some people really don’t understand kids at specific ages.
Nevertheless, when adults *have *the option of walking away from an unpleasant situation, we *exercise *it. If the OP’s daughter is that distracted or grossed out by booger boy’s behavior, there’s no reason she shouldn’t - with adult backup, if needed - appeal to the teacher for a resolution. The teacher is free to stay, “tough, cope with it,” in which case the girl will have to learn to ignore the boy. However, she should not be expected to pre-emptively assume that because *sometimes *change is not an option, it’s not an option in this case. Not every childhood experience needs to be made into a lesson about how miserable adult life can be.
That no one at your former workplace saw fit to have chat with your booger-smearing coworker about proper workplace behavior and some of the most basic of social norms says *nothing *good about the culture there. That’s not a case of, “cultural norms say men shouldn’t wear earrings and women shouldn’t have tattoos, so you can’t work here if you do either of those.” That’s a case of, “Well-socialized humans do not mark their territory by urinating, defecating, scent-marking, or otherwise depositing bodily substances, and you are expected to conform to this most minimal model of socialization.”
Hear, hear.
Can’t the girl just say to him,“For Christ’s sake, stop picking your nose, it’s disgusting”
Or when he eats it say," Do you want some salt and pepper with that"?
But some of us do. I was a teacher for many years, and my son is currently 11, almost 12. Granted, no child is exactly the same (hence our current post), but by 5th grade, a child should begin to learn to advocate for himself with the teacher if he hasn’t already begun to do so. Yes, Mom or Dad should be available to coach and to step up when the child needs help, but independence best learned in small steps, and self-advocacy is a very important lesson to learn, even though it isn’t learned all at once.
And any time a parent can emphasize the need to be compassionate, caring, and tolerant to another person is time well spent.
Just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean that we don’t care. It’s not a great situation for this child, but good can come from it.
The differing viewpoints offered to my post have all been quite interesting to read. I did send an email to my daughter’s teacher later in the evening after posting here and not receiving many responses. My correspondence did not end up including a request for a new seating assignment for my daughter; instead, my request was that the behavior be addressed if, in fact, it was occurring as to my daughter’s explanation of it. The response from the teacher confirmed her knowledge of the behavior existing and her intention to request the school nurse or another health staff member to address it with the child.
While some of the sentiments offered were cringe-worthy to read (“hysterical nut job”, “whiner”) or insinuated poor parenting skill on my part (helicopter-parenting, teaching lack of compassion), I do appreciate the posts that suggested my daughter advocate for herself. Having just turned 11, I think she has crossed the cusp for readiness. I do agree I may have missed an opportunity to coach her on handling this herself by communicating directly with her teacher. To no avail, she had already tried asking the boy to stop picking.
I’m not convinced the behavior should have to be tolerated. While others may have stronger constitutions to deal with anti-social behavior (former nose-pickers?), most do not. Collectively society deems certain behaviors be relegated to being performed in private and therefore we train our young not to defecate, urinate, masturbate, nose-pick, etc… in public arenas. I agree there are instances where underlying conditions prompt uncontrollable anti-social behavior and compassion and tolerance should be practiced for those. In the particular case of the 5th grade nose-picker it may serve to benefit the child to have his behavior addressed and changed, if possible, to promote his social interactions.
I would be really sad if this kid has never had any adult intervention up till now to try to control his apparently compulsive behavior. If this is what finally gets him some help, then bravo to you. But I find it highly unlikely that such a noticeable and undesirable compulsion has escaped the notice of this young man, his classmates, former teachers, and parents.
Despite your comparison of compulsive nose-picking to public masturbation and defecation, the school cannot expel a student for picking his nose. It seems your only solution would be expulsion or to isolate the student at the back of the class, far away from other students. This seems harsh for an 11-year-old child.
However, please feel free to disregard my comment, as it was composed as I picked my nose, bit my nails, popped pimples, and defecated.
That is a very wise and enlightened post. I agree with you. I suppose that it is the very nature of the complaint that leads me to advocate more adult intervention. The problem behavior is of such gravity to me that I feel drawn to protecting the “victim.” Nonetheless, I fully acknowledge what you are saying and from it, I recognize the complexity of the particular issue.
Thanks for your post.
And that was just what he did yesterday! :D;)
“Everybody’s doin it, doin it, doin it
Pickin their nose and chewin it, chewin it, chewin it
Thinking it’s candy
but it’s snot”
I suppose singing this to the kid is right out. Would probably count as bullying.
tuesdayweld, if you don’t mind my asking, was today a better day for your daughter at school?
Eating his own boogers? Give the kid an SDMB membership - he’ll fit in just fine around here.