Six months ago today I posted this thread. I had had enough. I knew that a humble admission here on the boards was what I needed to help me get sober again, and hopefully stay that way.
I was really scared that day, but I made it to the meeting that night, took a beginner’s chip, and stuck with it. I had to. See, this was what I’ve come to know as the gift of desperation. That place beyond despair and regret and sadness - it had become primal, all about simple survival, and from there my resolve grew. It was defeat, and surrender. From that lowest of points, I knew what I had to do if I wanted to live.
I felt the change immediately, even before I got over the withdrawal. (When you’ve been pickling yourself to excess every day for three years - the length of my slip - you can expect some wicked DTs. Good thing I had the benzos.) Everyone around me noticed something. My work performance improved dramatically, so much so that at my review (around three months sober), my manager said - almost in disbelief - “I don’t know what you’ve done, but whatever it is, keep doing it!”
Sometimes I think back to the way it was. In movies you see depictions of alcoholics and addicts and the way they live, and maybe you think it’s an exaggeration - for dramatic purposes, let’s say. Let me tell you it’s not. I lived in squallor, and cleaning the place up (let alone myself) just seemed beyond possibility.
Today, six months later, I have sanity and happiness in my life. I don’t spend my days filled with paralyzing fear, shaking so hard that I don’t want anyone to see me. I can enjoy every moment for what it is. I have the unconditional love and support of a wonderful man (jeremy evil) who has been incredibly patient as I’ve been getting better. And I love him back, just as deeply. We’ve established a happy little home for ourselves, and even if we don’t have much, it’s more than we need.
When I posted my One month sober thread, DaToad said:
… so I’ve been waiting patiently for the past five months. Here’s my six month thread! 
I am grateful. I am vigilant. I am humbled. I am happy, joyous, and free. I am sober today. Thank you.
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