My GF gripes about my weight all the time. I would love to gain ten or fifteen pounds, and intend to – as soon as I can manage it. It will help when our schedules line up again, making proper sit-down meals more practical. I’m also looking forward to getting caught up at work so I can make room for the gym.
…but how frequently do I have hear about it in the meantime? “You’re so skinny, it’s not nice, you take me for granted,” etc. etc.
And on the flipside of that we have the rules about comments on her weight, where she complains that she’s too big in certain areas and my permitted responses are various denials for the twenty minutes or so that these rituals take. Woe unto me if I step over the line, no matter how well intentioned – “Well, if you’re worried about it, we could find some activities to do together; we could probably both benefit from a little more exercise…” “So you’re saying I am fat?” :smack:
I should just put it on a loop.
“You’re too skinny.”
“Yes, I am.”
“I’m too fat.”
“No, you’re not.” repeat
I get this shit, too. I’m 5’10", and for most of my adult life I weighed 115-120 lbs. Last year, at age 44, I began to gain weight for no apparent reason. Shot up to a whopping 130 lbs. seemingly overnight. It scared the hell out of me, until my doctor told me that regardless of the amount of teasing about being skinny I had put up with all my life, I wasn’t immune to ‘middle age spread’, and I had better get my late-blooming ass out and start walking.
I wish I had a nickel for every time I had to say “No, I don’t need help lifting this heavy object. In case you didn’t notice, smartass, all that weight missing from where normal people have an ass is concentrated into my arms.” But I have loads of fun with those people who think it’s cute to try to force-feed me. I eat like a fucking horse, I just have the metabolism of a hummingbird. (I like to think of it as God’s way of apologizing to me for not giving me an ass for women to look at.) So pile it on, bitch. Then you can sit there and whine while I eat apple pie and ice cream, too. Go ahead. Hate me.
I don’t recall which comedian said it, but
“Baby, do these jeans make my ass look fat?”
“Noooo, your ass makes your ass look fat.”
is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my life.
I don’t mean to undermine ** Auntbeast’s ** post; ** Auntie ** , I find it inconceivable that anyone, regardless of their relationship to you, would be so fucking rude. Seriously, in what world do people say things like that to one another?
But, to the folks that compare it to the way overweight people are spoken about and to, I have to say it isn’t the same thing at all. Simply for the reason that one poster mentioned ( sorry, I don’t recall who): thin is socially exceptable. I can’t believe that one would even equate the slights that you endure with what overweight people go through. Yeah, it’s damned obnoxious and inappropropriate for anyone to comment on anyone else’s physique or eating habits, but let’s face it; when someone says " ohmigod, I wish I could eat like you" or " what are you, like a size zero?", it is clearly not meant as an insult, no matter how illphrased the remark may be. Is anyone going to tell me they don’t see that?
I was too thin almost all my life, and had to suffer the jokes about that.
Now, after thyroid problems, menopause, and having to take prednisone everyday, I’ve learned what things are like at the other end of the spectrum. I’m not obese, but people who once knew me as skinny are giving me all kinds of advice about how to lose weight.
I don’t know why people don’t mind their own business when other people’s bodies are concerned. The only people who should offer advice are parents or doctors.
Doesn’t matter. The hostility in the comments is apparent to anyone observing, especially the recipient. I’ve had women tell me that they didn’t want to be my friend/introduce me to the boyfriend or husband/hate me on sight because of my size.
“I hate you” is the most unpleasant way to be greeted, even if you are on the more socially acceptable end of the weight spectrum. Most people in this world are average or larger, and being in the minority makes one a target, no matter how you come by your size. No one making such hateful comments knows whether or not you are small because of genetics, illness, or hard work- and they don’t appear to care. Bad manners and unkind words are equally painful for all recipients.
Your personal experiences notwithstanding, I don’t see where hostility is neccessarily apparent. Now, if you’re encountering women who actually don’t want to be your friend, etc., … then, I apologize and withdraw my comments from your direction. Is this a common occurance among all thin women? I’m serious. I know women say some dumbass things, but I’ve never witnessed it at this level.
Again, I’m not questioning whether people can be insensitive or insulting in their comments about folks who are thin, or that it isn’t hurtful or insulting. I’m just saying that I find it a poor comarison to that of what overweight people face. To me, I liken it to a wealthy person lamenting to a poor person that their position has been misconstrued and one really doesn’t realize the burdens that come with wealth, such as relatives asking for money and financial advisors soliciting their business.
I actually had a conversation with a friend of mine after I made this pit thread. She reminded me that she gives me crap about my weight (or lack thereof) and it doesn’t seem to bother me when she does it.
There is a huge difference between the actions of my relatives (by marriage) and my friend. It is the amount of hostility involved. I know my friend is concerned about me, hell, she brought me flowers today because I put my dog down. However, the mean folks have quite a history of saying nasty shit. I know their comments were malicious, because they are malicious people.
Honest concern is one thing. Hell, my daughter smeared chocolate chips all over my shirt today, someone asked what it was, I told them I’ve always heard that we should just smear food on our body to gain weight and that I had rubbed honey buns on my ass JUST THIS MORNING!
It sucks when people make those comments, because if you blast 'em back, they will tell you you are overreacting, blah blah blah. Even if ya knock 'em out with a Miss Manners Guide.
If you can’t take my word for it, then you would be welcome to follow me around work and shopping if you like. The most recent attacks have come from “Tina” who informed me that she was surprised that I was nice, and not bitchy like all the other skinny women she has known, and from “Amber” who informed me that she would never want to introduce me to her husband, for fear that he would be reminded why she can’t look like me. Never mind that she is short and big-boned, and beautifully busty. She still took the opportunity to take a jab.
In my case my size is genetic. I come from a family of tall, thin, athletic people, but I also prefer healthy, whole foods to junk food. My choice of meal at work is always a topic of conversation, and is discussed and debated by all the women who sit with or near me at the table. Last month “Allison” explained to a table full of co-workers that she had assumed that I eat “air and paper”. My habit of brushing my teeth after a meal is also suspect, and if I head toward the ladies room after lunch, I can count on whispers.
And at 36 I am far past the age where something as superficial as weight should have any bearing on the impression I make on people. I should also add that with each passing year I care less about the hateful comments of strangers and co-workers, but I am ever conscious that I am not allowed to fight back, and must tolerate any and all comments and queries with nothing more than a tight smile. No longer a big deal, but my skinny niece is already bearing the brunt of bitchy comments and she is only 11. She has a long road of apologizing for her thin genes, and I have no advice for her other than “tolerate it”.
I am not asking you to empathize if you cannot, but believe me when I say that any extreme is subject to judgment and ridicule; large or small. Works both ways.
ETA- Despite my comments, I’m not bitter. I am a man’s woman, and thrive happily in the company of more men than women, but I am certain that I am missing out on alot of good friendships because of both the misconception that my size indicates some quirk of my personality and because I tend to avoid women who make catty comments about my weight. The world could be better, and if you have advice on how I should counter unwanted commentary, share it. I will try it out and report the results.
** Beau ** , love, again, I’m not trying to trivialize what you go through. I’m not doubting individual cases of assholes that put others down based on their size or socioeconomic statis or the fine paint job on their '79 El Camino, for that matter.
I’m speaking to those that equate the ridicule they receive based on their weight as opposed to the disdain heaped upon those who are overweight. I realize that hurtful remarks wound, regardless of the target or the subject. At the same time, I maintain that in this society where “thinner is better” , there is a diffence between someone commenting to your face that “you must be able to eat anything” (which, admit it or not, is an expression of envy if not a compliment) and the remarks about the contents of one’s grocery cart or their plate at the bouffet.
Good comments. I have a friend who is 6’5" and the jokes about being tall drive him nuts. He usually answers something along the lines of “Yes, I worked very hard to be born this way.”
Ah. It’s your daughter’s fault that you have such chips on your shoulders.
Thee is a huge difference between family and freinds - mainly that you choose your freinds and that your relatives just came as part of a package deal, the unwanted add-on. Why do you think there are so many in-law jokes?
But I guess it’s only fat people who are jolly.
Seriously, as a long time married … it will be a mistake to allow your perception of them as just plain malacious people to control all of your interactions with them and allow their comments to push your buttons. I meant it when I warned about the comments to come about your kid(s) and how you raise them. Comments about your body shape have nothing over comments about your kids and “well-intended advice.” FWIW.
I get what you’re saying. I’d rather be made fun of for being skinny than fat. I’d rather be made fun of for being brainy than stupid. I’d rather be made fun of for being nice than nasty - but really I’d just rather not be made fun of at all.
I sort of mentioned it earlier, but I did have a time where I was briefly overweight. It is sort of like my daughter throwing temper tantrums. We just don’t have the heart for it.
After a lifetime of being told I was too tall, too thin, too smart, hair too straight, skin too white, butt too big…I felt absolutely physically invisible. No one said shit. Well, not about me anyway, but I did get to hear the nasty shit they said to other skinny bitches. It was amazing to me. Seriously. Shocking actually. Heck, I felt like I could have walked around butt-naked and no one would have said a word. It was amazing to me the catty, nasty comments made about someone because they were thin. I did not know there was so much hostility. I guess most of my life it had been couched with “oh, I’m just messing with you.” I didn’t really think of it any other way.
I have to be nice to my in-laws. Every damn one of 'em. It is my nature. They say living well is the best revenge, I consider being happy to be the best revenge. While I may not get to act out my innermost fantasies about how to respond to them, I still get to have the fantasies.
Hardly any of them at all involve grenades. Pinkie swear!
But this thread is about the heaps of nasty jabs stick people take, without comment. Not about overweight people.
While you may not be able to appreciate our feelings, please allow us to express to you how it feels.
“I hate you, look how skinny you are!”
“I hate you, you don’t even work out!”
“I hate you, look how you can eat anything!”
“I hate you, you skinny bitch!”
Yeah, it’s all good fun. Who wouldn’t want this as a sound track in their life?
“I’m so jealous, I wish I had your metabolism!”
Grow up, you’re an adult now. You got over wishing your hair was blond like Suzy in 3rd grade, you got over not being born into wealth, a professional dancer - whatever.
It’s an accident of birth, like hair colour or height.
No one enjoys being defined by such things, including skinny bitches!
