Slime is the Enemy According to the MPAA

While I’m on my medical leave of abscence from work, I’m getting caught up on a lot of things, including my movie watching backlog. It’s a big list, but “Alien Vs. Predator” came out this week on DVD and while I didn’t hear great things about it, I picked it up just to see what all the ruckus was about. Gosh, I noted, it’s rated PG-13. I could understand that; considering the violence in any of the Predator or Alien movies I’d consider that lowballing it. So I look at the cover to see the reasons why. Not necessarily in this order, it read :

Violence : Okay, yeah … aliens popping out of peoples’ chests, I can see that.

Language : It’s to be expected. This ain’t Winnie the Pooh.

Horror Images : Yep … put Aliens and Predators together and you’re sure to have that.

Gore : Well, I had kinda hoped they would have played down the gore angle but with movies like this, you really have to play to the lowest common denominator.

And last but not least …

Slime.

Slime?

Yes, the box warned against slime.

Apparently we must now protect our children against slime.

We wouldn’t want them to, like, fool around with slime on a daily basis, I guess.

Good grief!

I wonder if they’ll warn us now about the nasty pillows in Carrie

That’s, well, odd.

What will this do to nature films about Banana slugs?

I, for one, am estatic that the MPAA has taken upon itself to limit the most evil, most nefarious influence on our children today. Slime.

Let me start by saying:

I hate slime.
I hate slime in all it’s various incarnations and forms: Snot, tofu, flan, snail trailings, vitreous fluid, slime volleyball, slugs, and any other of the many forms slime takes. It is a vile substance, with an offensive texture and the ability to make me gag at the slightest viewing or feel of it.
I hate slime.

Slime must be stopped. At all costs.

And who, you may ask yourself, do we have to blame for the horrific influence slime has on our great American children. Who else.

Canadians.

Back in the good, old days, before everything went to hell, America and her children had it good. Access to slime was severly restricted. Outside of The Blob, the nefarious influence of slime was limited. Then came the Canadians, and that abomination knows as "You Can’t Do That On Television."

In a concerted, covert attempt to undermine our great country, the Canadians attempted to subvert everything that was pure and good about America by making slime appear to be fun, enjoyable, and friendly. Trudeau laughed while American child after American child was subjected to the pro-slime lobbying influence of that horrible Television show. It is no mystery at all that the acceptance of slime as a fun part of a child’s life, thanks to the Canadians, correlates directly to the increase in criminal activity, drug use, and anti-American feelings around the globe.

Thank God for the MPAA taking a strong stand against this rising devil. I, for one, applaud them.

I, for one, welcome our new slimy overlords.

Banana Slugs?!

Won’t someone think of the children???

What did UC Santa Cruz ever do to you?

I guess bukkake flicks are way out, then.

I think you mean dirty pillows.

Maybe now you’ll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?

I watched Spiderman II on Sunday. I was amused to note that one of the warnings (probably the primary warning) was for “highly stylized violence” or some such thing. A perfectly reasonably warning, but the way that it was phrased amused me.

And that was before I watched the movie and discovered the extremely high rate of cars being used as weapons or otherwise being destroyed. To say nothing of the elastic nature of Spiderman’s body.

Right you are. I suppose I was overwhelmed by “that smell”. :smiley:

Now I’ll have to remember to go check the warning on my copy of Ghostbusters

I wasn’t aware Jack Valenti had a cameo in AvP.

It isn’t?

Hmm, so I’m the only one with a copy of Aliens In The Hundred Acre Wood?

No problems with the language there.

A simple “no” to my dinner invitation would have sufficed you insensitive prick. :eek: :wink:

Slime. Is. Good.

We. All. Like. Slime.

It. Makes. Things. Run. Smoothly.

:: waves glistening maple leaf ::
[sub]someone help me[/sub]

Slime? I used to play with slime when I was a kid. It was green, I think, and came in a small plastic container that resembled a garbage can. Later, as slime became popular, they added new variations: slime with worms (that was purple, I think, and had rubber worms in it), slime with eyeballs, etc. etc. I know I was under 13.

I guess we were made of stronger stuff than the current generation of pre-teens…

No? How about this scene, just after Owl is destroyed by a xenomorph:

The remainder of Pooh’s friends watches their hopes of getting out of the Hundred acre Wood, and most of their superior fire power, reduced to flaming debris.

There is a moment of stunned silence, then…

                              **Eeyore**
                 (hysterical)
               Well that's great!  That's just
               fucking great, man.  Now what the
               fuck are we supposed to do, man?
               We're in some real pretty shit now!