Slow news day in Des Moines

[corkboard]

I can’t stop giggling. I think it’s the last line that’s doing it for me.

Link

Man Hits Wife In Head With An Onion

DES MOINES, Iowa - A man was arrested after he hit his wife in the back of the head with an onion. James Izzolena, 54, of Des Moines, had been drinking, became upset with his wife, Nicole Izzolena, 27, and threw an onion at her during an argument on Wednesday, police said.

Police said James Izzolena admitted throwing the onion at his wife but said he didn’t mean to hit her.

His wife told police it made her head hurt.

[Encinitas]

Did it make her cry?

[Hal_Briston]

If only that headline started with the word “Area”…

[MovieMogul]

@Encinitas

Did it make her cry?

Maybe a little but not shallot.

[jackelope]

So he’s 54 and married to a 27-year-old, plus he’s got a good buzz going, and he still finds things to get angry about?

In my world, that glass is half-full.

[Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew]

@ArchiveGuy

Maybe a little but not shallot.

You rapscallion!

[Mrs.Cake]

What do you mean, slow news day? This is serious stuff here in the agricultural heartland of America. I’m only surprised the article didn’t include the variety of onion.

I’m writing the editor. Us Des Moinoids need to know which onion is is best for head assualts.

[JXJohns]

We have all enjoyed this one in the local news today. Thanks for bringing it to the attention of the world!

[wolf_in_second_hand_clothing]

I hadn’t heard about this. Can’t our lazy reporters drive half an hour to pick up a juicy scoop like this?

[WhyNot]

@Biffy the Elephant Shrew

You rapscallion!

Wow, we’re really gilding the lily, aren’t we?
Liliaceae

[AskNott]

It’s interesting that this case of domestic violence probably wouldn’t have made the paper, and we wouldn’t be paying any attention to it if he had hit her on the back of the head with something less humorous. If he had thrown a saucepan or a can of soup, that wouldn’t even be newsworthy. :rolleyes: This isn’t a cartoon, it’s real life. It’s not OK to throw something at your wife’s head.

[woodstockbirdybird]

@AskNott

It’s interesting that this case of domestic violence probably wouldn’t have made the paper, and we wouldn’t be paying any attention to it if he had hit her on the back of the head with something less humorous. If he had thrown a saucepan or a can of soup, that wouldn’t even be newsworthy. :rolleyes: This isn’t a cartoon, it’s real life.

Damn right. I’m outraged that anyone would find humor in this. Outraged, I say!

@AskNott

It’s not OK to throw something at your wife’s head.

I can just see Zach Braff reciting this for one of those “The More You Know” PSAs.

[Bryan_Ekers]

I used to hit my wife with an onion. It was the style at the time. Only you couldn’t get white onions because of the war.

[Kalhoun]

@AskNott

It’s interesting that this case of domestic violence probably wouldn’t have made the paper, and we wouldn’t be paying any attention to it if he had hit her on the back of the head with something less humorous. If he had thrown a saucepan or a can of soup, that wouldn’t even be newsworthy. :rolleyes: This isn’t a cartoon, it’s real life. It’s not OK to throw something at your wife’s head.

Gee…d’ya THINK?

I don’t think anyone’s laughing at the assault. They’re laughing at the story. And the apparent “new guy” who wrote the article.

It’s hilarious!

[corkboard]

@AskNott

It’s interesting that this case of domestic violence probably wouldn’t have made the paper, and we wouldn’t be paying any attention to it if he had hit her on the back of the head with something less humorous. If he had thrown a saucepan or a can of soup, that wouldn’t even be newsworthy. :rolleyes: This isn’t a cartoon, it’s real life. It’s not OK to throw something at your wife’s head.

Depends on what kind of soup. Chicken noodle? Not funny. But Cream of Mushroom? Gold, Jerry- Gold!

[Ludovic]

@Mrs. Cake

What do you mean, slow news day? This is serious stuff here in the agricultural heartland of America. I’m only surprised the article didn’t include the variety of onion.

I’m writing the editor. Us Des Moinoids need to know which onion is is best for head assualts.

But how would you defend yourself against…a banana?

[WhyNot]

@Ludovic

But how would you defend yourself against…a banana?

I’d split.

[Man_With_a_Cat]

“slow news day” + “Des Moines” = The definition of redundancy

[MovieMogul]

@Bryan Ekers

I used to hit my wife with an onion. It was the style at the time. Only you couldn’t get white onions because of the war.

Well, only if you took the ferry. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say.

[JXJohns]

@Mr Bus Guy

“slow news day” + “Des Moines” = The definition of redundancy

What else did they teach you in comedy school?