This?
'Cause that’s the part that seems weird to me. Isn’t the whole point of visiting to spend time together? Who cares where you happen to be when you’re hanging out together? (Personally, I would prefer to be away from the bigass fireworks explosions, but that’s just me.) Why the focus on the “be at my house” part of the visit, rather than the “spend time with my friend” part?
She’s spoiled ? As far as I can tell, she didn’t ask you to hook up a TV - she just told you she would stay at a hotel. But you’re annoyed because that you won’t get to do the wine sharing and girl talk because hubby needs to be in bed by 8 - when you don’t even know if hubby will change that this year since they’re staying 20 miles away. You’ll miss preparing them the sumptuous breakfast because they can’t do anything until after they’ve eaten- but by the time they’ve gotten to a restaurant and ordered, they could have driven to your house- so maybe they don’t enjoy the breakfasts as much as you do. Or maybe they will come to your house for breakfast
Since you seem so sure there are no medical issues, drug taking,loud sex, etc have you ever considered that she or her husband may simply no longer want to spend all day every day for three days with you and your boyfriend and she's using the TV issue so she doesn't have to tell you that? I don't even know you , and I don't think you'd take well to being told "We're going to stay at the hotel because we want some time alone"
It’s fun to be able to relax when you want to and go exploring on foot and by car when you want to. And to eat when and what you want to. And then, at the end of the day, retire with a good book. Or a TV. Without judgment from the host about how early it is.
Hotels offer flexibility and luxuries that a friend’s place simply doesn’t have. It’s not always a better option, but sometimes it seems that way if you feel stuck in a rut.
I don’t watch TV except for a couple of hours on Sundays (I gotta watch my cartoons). But I can kinda understand the attachment to a TV set when you’re away from home. It’s an island of familiarity and comfort. I think it’s kind of silly too, but it’s understandable.
I prefer to stay in a hotel if I can when visiting people, and that they stay in a hotel when visiting me. I’m just kinda weird like that, I guess. Maybe your friends the same way. In part its because of my insomnia. I do a little better in a hotel than in someone’s house for some reason. Aside from that, though, I like visiting and so forth, but also like some degree of privacy if possible.
If I were you I’d be grateful!
I think it’s the husband’s issue. You said it yourself…there’s nothing to do there. And this time there won’t even be TV to entertain him while you two are visiting. And remember… You two girls are the friends… The husbands are merely acquaintances. That doesn’t sound like fun to me either. But I think it’s great how hard you try, and I know you’re disappointed. Just try to go with the flow.
+1. Her hubby has an issue, she is falling on the sword for him.
I totally get the girls time alone. I absent myself when we are house guests with my dearly beloved’s pals. Give em time to do their thing. Dumb to feel rejected. I’m new, these friendships go back 20-30 years. If I busy myself or go for a bike ride or what have you, win-win.
It’s your friendship, it’s her marriage.
Handle with care… But let your girlfriend know you look forward to the usual alone time.
Has the OP considered doing something else for the 4th? This arrangement seems inconveniencing to both parties. The OP wants to have extensive girl time with her friend but the conditions as present do not allow for that for whatever reason. If the guest concedes, they’ll be pissed off. If the host concedes, she’ll be pissed off.
Is there a 3rd option where both couples can travel to a 3rd party destination - a beach house or river house you can rent that has a television AND a kitchen to make breakfasts? Maybe involve a 3rd and 4th couple so the fellas aren’t forced into such an intimate situation?
The reason they like to come up here is because I am in the boonies and there is little to do, that being the whole point. We sit around all day sometimes, and hubby and my boyfriend talk guns and Civil War crap while we go antiquing.
They do not have loud sex, take ,or have any intimate probs that she would not be willing to share with me. We have literally been friends since we were three.
Hubby has always been happy with this arrangement and has never complained that he is over-or under-stimulated.
I am certainly not willing to borrow a tv and pay for its dish hookup for a simple weekend duration.
She will simply have to see for herself that much is lost by this inconvenient, expensive and ridiculous arrangement.
Look, she’s paying the money, I just don’t understand why you care that much! You’re not paying for them!
Honestly if I was your friend and I saw this thread I wouldn’t visit you anymore.
Of course they don’t while they’re at your house. If you’re ranking the things that hotels are good for, loud sex is near the top of the list.
To answer the OP:
This is what you should probably do.
If you guys really are so close, why don’t you talk to her about this, and how much it’s bothering you?
I can understand the OP’s friend’s point of view now. I know what it’s like to be stuck in a house where there is nearly nothing to do for the whole day. How, you ask?
Well, every time I go to India for a vacation every several years, I visit my dad’s side of grandparents. While they don’t live in a rural area (they live in a small town), for one their house is quite small (one level). Second, and this is the most significant factor, they have almost nothing in their houses! In fact, they don’t have a dining table, only a small circular plastic one that’s about 3 feet in diameter. They have a very old and quite small TV. It’s extremely basic. All you have is a kitchen, a bedroom with not much more than a bed and TV, a bathroom which is also quite basic, and a common area which has not much more than that circular table and another bed. The only technology that they own is two cellphones which look like they were made in the 1990’s and that TV. Every time I visit, I have to get out of that house at least two times or else it just gets to be depressing as hell. I can’t stand houses like that, where there’s very little and basic stuff and nothing to do.
While I am pretty sure the OP’s house isn’t this basic, I can certainly understand her friend’s point of view. She doesn’t want to be stuck in a house where there’s very little to do or see. It was probably tolerable for her while you did have the TV because that at least kept some noticeable activity and noise in that house. Now that you’ve removed the TV, I imagine that at this point it is really depressing, maybe not for the OP, but for people like the OP’s friend and me. With the laptop, I can now see why that also doesn’t cut it. It’s not background noise. So while watching the shows on the laptop is an alternative, it doesn’t too much to change the overall depressing setting.
Now don’t think that I am criticizing the OP for her house; I am not. Saying that the OP’s house is “depressing” is just an opinion that the OP’s friend (and probably I) holds. What I am trying to say is that I can understand why the OP’s friend may not want to come to the OP’s house because not everyone likes that kind of rural, basic, nothing-to-do setting, and it seems like the OP’s friend (and me) are two of many people on that list.
So she likes something you don’t. And?
YOU enjoy these things. Do they? Maybe she doesn’t enjoy the all-night gab sessions as much as you do and would rather kick back and relax with some sitcoms for a change.
Or… persue an equally viable option that means she gets to have that amenity?
Wow. Someone’s being a baby here; someone who’s pitching a hissy on a message board because someone else isn’t playing Barbies the way she wants.
Wow. Sumptuous breakfasts with a side of contempt. There is a nonzero chance that they’ll like staying at the hotel and want to do it again next year. Would that be acceptable or should they not bother coming if they’re not staying with you?
Can you read her mind? I know I have secrets I’ve never told to anyone, and they aren’t even that personal. And just because he’s never complained, that doesn’t mean he’s completely enjoyed every second spent there. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be rude or risk a confrontation. Maybe he doesn’t want to upset the apple cart and cause tension between you and his wife.
Wow.
Bingo. And once you recognize something as a polite fiction, trying to offer remedies (“oh, I rented a TV! All problems are solved!”) is just going to leave you both unsatisfied.
You sound like a helluva friend.
No joke.
OP, controlling much, n’est-ce pas?
I’m with the OP. There is very little you could possibly say that would offend me more. “I prefer watching tv ads over spending time with you”?! Television? It’s level “I can’t stay at your house because you’re a dirty atheist”.
They are coming there voluntarily. Sheesh, you don’t have to visit, and if missing your tv for 3 days is such hardship maybe you shouldn’t. You are offered a place to stay. If you don’t want to go you politely decline saying you have other plans. You DO NOT complain about the facilities (least of all television!) and go elsewhere.
I just cannot fathom such horrific rudeness to someone who is meant to be your host. “Your house is not good enough for me. American need telly or die.” (Yeah, I’m assuming, am I wrong?)
See, to me rude would be demanding that the OP change her plans to accommodate theirs. Like it would be rude for them to request she buy or rent a TV on their behalf. But that’s not what they are doing at all.
Vacations are supposed to be pleasant affairs. Almost by definition, they are occasions for doing what you want, when you want, how you want. That’s what makes them fucking fantastic. All the other times of the year, you have to compromise your desires for the sake of other’s butthurt. For 99% of the year, you bend over backwards doing shit for other people, and it just about kills you sometimes.
But a vacation is that one time of the year when you should be able to put your own wants and desires first…when you aren’t being unreasonable for simply wanting things to go your way. And hotel visits are wonderful places for the vacation mentality. You can leave your towels on the floor. You can jump on the bed and call room services at one o’clock in the morning. You can watch whatever you want to watch on TV. You can go to bed at eight o’clock or no o’clock. Hotels also have jacuzzis, swimming pools, and work-out rooms. And no well-intentioned but busybody hosts wondering about their plans for the day. There are plenty of reasons why a hotel would make for a truer vacation experience than staying at someone’s house.
I think the couple simply wants to do it up royal on their vacation. They don’t have anything against the friend, but they might simply be looking for a different way of spending the 4th of July. Ain’t nothing wrong or rude with this at all. Life is all about change.
+1
I’d rather stay with rabid wolves while being lobotomized. That poor lady and her husband. No wonder she’s finally deduced a way out of hell.
What about if you don’t have other plans? Suppose you want to visit your friend, but don’t want to stay at her house for whatever reason? Maybe the TV, maybe you like loud sex , maybe your husband has medical problems , maybe your would-be hostess tends to plan visits in a way that don’t take your desires into account * - or maybe , like me, you just prefer staying at a hotel instead of someone’s house. I never stay at people’s houses. And it’s got nothing to do with loud sex, TV’s , medical problems or their house not being good enough for me. It’s got to do with the facts that I don’t want to socialize all day every day from when I wake up until I go to sleep, I don’t want to disrupt anyone’s routine (just because I’m on vacation doesn’t mean they are too) and that a staying at a hotel is different from staying at someones house. Is that rude , too? Am I obligated to stay at someone’s house simply because they invited me to? What I think is rude is the OP thinking of canceling the visit if they don’t stay at her house. Forget “American need telly or die” - the OP must have it her way or else she doesn’t want to see someone she’s been friends with since she was three. For the friend to be as rude, she would have had to demand the OP get a TV or she would cancel the visit.