first of all, why i hate small towns:
i hate being sidetracked by general commentary and bullshit by people walking down the sidewalk or out in the middle of the road (its california) as i can’t help but to hear them and naturally analyze if they’re talking about me or not. unlike a big city, where it is impossible to keep track of what everyone is saying and doing and thus no one gives a flying shit and only minds their business and focuses primarily on their immediate surroundings to avoid walking into someone or in front of a car or whatever… a small town is much different. only rarely is someone “up in my business” about something or another whether negative or not, but due to the fact that it has happened before (people directly talking about me, indirectly talking about me, and on the flipside directly/indirectly talking to me… i have to analyze all ‘traffic’ around me as i do not like being caught off guard in any capacity. each situation has to be dealt with accordingly, it has almost always been some minor lame ass shit or another, if not just someone simply asking how its going or whats up, and i feel compelled to analyze their intent, then either yell out and turn whatever BS it is into a joke in order to collect the situation together on the same level (in the case someone is just fucking with me) or defuse it (if someone is trying to ‘test’ me). ignoring it doesn’t work, like it does in a city since virtually no one has the time for it, as it almost always would allow me to appear ‘weak’, at least around here where people actually talk about each other on a routine basis, because they have nothing better to do but gossip and get in peoples business in general. and of course, if someone is just ‘saying hi’ basically… i don’t want to be an asshole and ignore them. however…
i hate small towns! naturally preferring the anonymity of a big city, wanting to efficiently take care of my business, and behaving as such so i can get back to my leisure activites — small town clowns pick up on this and mistake it as me being rude or arrogant or whatever, when in reality i am preoccupied with my own business and feel as if others should be too instead of prying into what i’m doing all the time. how i look at it, if i want to hang out with you i will or vice versa provided i have the time at the moment!!! something people just can NOT understand in a small town is that not everyone has all the time in the world to stop and hang out on the spot for an hour or two… unfortunately the more time i spend here, the more i find myself uncomfortably mentally becoming “accustomed” as far as the slower pace and how people are and such…just to make it that much more uncomfortable when i have to go to a city for awhile and re-adjust to that shit, then come back. i just can’t stand being in any one environment for too long as i feel like i’m getting stuck in a rut and begin ‘breaking down’ after so many months, even in a city. i know people here know i go to bigger cities somewhat routinely, and i can only imagine all the gossip, rumors, and BS said about me behind my back. i really wouldn’t care, if i didn’t have to spend the mental energy to come up with something credible and neutral (not too aggressive, but not cowardly) to blow back the bullshit that rarely but inevitably comes my way. and i’m not talking about anything genuinely serious, just lame ass jokes, prying discussions, questioning/curious type stuff in general, and the occasional asshat who what i consider ‘pseudo-tests’ or is “seeing where i am at”. for fucks sakes…really? i always figure if your gonna rob someone, do it! why ‘test’ someone? if you got a gun do it, or get out of peoples business ffs…that type of shit happens in bigger cities although more often than not just a gun put to you which most of the time you can play off, or better yet avoid, anyway. its not the end of the world if you do get shot anyway, most people can’t shoot for shit, and you probably just end up getting fixed up at the ER, and even if they can shoot worth a damn, its just the end of you, not the world! lol…
now onto big city clowns:
the irritation of the city is the goddamned clown ass people who just won’t fit in for the sake of easing along peoples business mutually. these clowns just have to be different and put people on a higher alert due to this. who knows what the fool is up to anyway? now the great majority of the time, the idiot breaking glass all over the sidewalk and making a scene is doing so on purpose just to gather reactions from people. more than likely this person is drunk or high as fuck on some rock or both! nothing to really be concerned about, but still annoying. these types have to always try to outdo the next, so there is always something out there you just haven’t seen yet. just when you thought you’ve seen it all…
sometimes it gets hilarious, because they actually do start to get to people around them and you see it on their faces and body language which people unfortunately just can’t seem to learn to control, but i personally couldn’t go around pulling stunts just to get reactions as i would simply feel like an asshole to actually be doing it, whether i’m an asshole for laughing i don’t care, i’m not the one letting their body language and such slip and creating a sideshow for the rest of us who A. aren’t active participants and B. not scared off or freaked out. i am amazed at how many people in the city appear for all intents and purposes to be permanent city-dwellers, immune from routine BS present in almost all cities, judging from their body language when everything is running smooth. but come across someone making a fool out of themselves and these same people will freak out and get scared! wtf… i mean surely you can’t do that every couple days or so right? learn to deal with people better than that!!! you’ll always see at least a small group of people who continue on past this glass bottle breaking fool like nothing is going on, because nothing serious is actually going on!!!. i have always not been able but help to notice that once those same scared and/or freaked out people see me go by with no regard to the bottle smasher, that they immediately get embarrassed and shake off their fears and continue along seemingly as if nothing happened. yes, i’m not the physically imposing type. not much at all. but who needs to be when you got a brain and a weapon of some sort anyway? even just a brain is really all you need the vast majority of time.
another thing, with cities, is people who really think they are above others and more important. generally speaking, how can someone actually think they are more important than the next person, just because they’re working at the headquarters of (insert company here) making oodles of money in some bullshit position doing basically nothing most people couldn’t do anyway provided a little training (and if not for the “need” of a degree). the obnoxiousness of such people never ceases to amaze me, it would appear if they got their head out of their ass, they would have a much better life - but who am i to judge, except he who judges everyone regardless, lol.
but altogether, i can’t win for losing, i am curious if any of this i wrote resonates with anyone reading this, or if it is just me. a lot of things that go through my head or that i feel about something is “just me”, because everyone i talk to about such and such doesn’t click with what i’m saying and i am left with the impression either they didn’t understand what i said or they just thought i was weird, but this subject may be different…as i’m sure i’m not the only person in the world to have been in a city and a small town, and life experience. regardless, everyone is of course encouraged to reply