I’ll mention this only is you all promise not to show me how you draw and quarter somebody.
I’ll put it in small letters so if you don’t wanna know back away, just back away.
[sup]ice ice baby[/sup]
damn, I hope my life insurance policy is still good.
and his oreo equivalent who was “2 Legit to Quit”
I’m refraining from mentioning there names for your sanity.
my body produces a copious amount of natural prozac but these guys were some of the short list who could over come my body’s lacsydasicalness.
I give you Leonard Nemoy…singing…“If I Had a Hammer.” Or pretty much anything William Shatner ever “sang.”
And please tell me I didn’t read John Lennon’s name somewhere on this list. 
How about the mercifully obscure Beatles song Goodnight from the white album?
There’s the entire Cher oeuvre . . . Examples: Half Breed, Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves, You Better Sit Down Kids, her stuff with Greg Allman, Do You Believe in Life after Love. God.
What about DOA? I seem to remember it from my childhood: “I remember . . . we were flying low and hit something in the air; I remember . . . I looked for my leg (or arm or head or something) and found it wasn’t there.” Or am I just dreaming this?
Simply_Cats, I think that the song you mentioned was done by Steve Wariner, who must be a tree, he’s so full of sap. He did one I really loathe called “Holes In The Floor Of Heaven.” In it, a little boy loses his grandmother the day before his birthday, and as he is grieving, his mom tells him that “there’s holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are pourin’ down. That’s how you know she’s watchin’, wishin’ she could be here now.” Frankly, the idea that my loved one is in heaven, just as miserable as I am here would not bring me a lot of comfort.
I hate anything done recently by Faith Hill, though I loved her stuff when she was still a country singer. Same for Shania Vain…oops, I mean Twain.
“Gentle On My Mind,” by Glen Campbell. The song seems to say that since he can go to her and get laid any old time he’s in the neighborhood without fear that she will want “forever” from him, he just can’t get her off his mind. What a load of crap.
Ronnie Milsap’s “There Ain’t No Gettin’ Over Me,” and Collin Raye’s “All I Can Be Is A Sweet Memory.” How conceited can a person get?!
One part of the song “Dumas Walker” by the Kentucky Headhunters. As a whole, I love the song but the one line that says “he has a photogenic mind” when what they mean is a photographic memory just drives me crazy! 
Yes I know that I have posted country when most everyone else has talked about other genres. I love a variety of music (I have everything from Mel Tillis through Def Leppard in my CD collection), but Dave Barry’s book pretty much excluded country, so people like me didn’t get a chance to spew there, so I took my opportunity to do it here! AHHHHHH!! What a relief!
Not even the chair?
I don’t care how depressed Mr. Diamond was, there’s no excuse for why Mr. Diamond is so damned shocked that the chair couldn’t hear him:
"I AM!" I SAID
To no-one there
AND noONE heard AT all
NOT even the chair(?!)
"I AM!" I SAID
“I AM!” I shrieked
The couch said nothing
And the desk wouldn’t speak
"I AM!" I SAID
The rug just snored
The stove was quiet
but the lamp said “I’m bored”
Look: the chair thing isn’t a metaphor, an allusion or anything else: it’s simply crappy song-writing. He needed a rhyme and it fit. Diamond has done good stuff, but “I Am I Said” ain’t it, IMHO.
And am I the only one who, when he hears Gilbert O’Sullivan warble:
In a little while from now
If I’m not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
keeps thinking “jump! Jump! JUMP! JUMP! and stop whining at me, you sniveller” ?
I have great sympathy for those who suffer from depression. 10,000 Maniac’s “Like the Weather” perfectly describes the feeling. Gilbert’s bouncy little ditty doesn’t and Diamond’s is a whole lot closer to describing some sort of Schizophrenia than it is to depression.
Fenris
(Quote)“Dear Mr. Jesus” was a memorial to Lisa Steinberg, the illegally adopted six-year-old girl who was beaten to death by Joel Steinberg while his common-law wife, Hedda Nussbaum, did nothing to protect her. (End quote)
Huh?!?! Where did you hear that? Don’t think I’ve ever heard of the Steinbergs. Plus the last few lines of the song wouldn’t make sense if what you say is correct:
“Please don’t tell my Daddy,
But my Mommy hits me too.”
And written as a memorial or not, its STILL a sappy-ass song. Being a memorial tune doesn’t help “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” out, either.
Patty
Even if not smarm, highly regrettable nonetheless:
El Paso, courtesy of Marty Robbins, not only because of the Bizarro World behavior of its characters (Felina: “Shoot my boyfriend to death, hey? Well, I’ll just be in love with you, then. Hurry back, hon. I’ll have the posse waiting for you”}, but also for the “sequel,” (somebody who knows the title, please do me a favor and keep it to yourself) wherein the light plane pilot has past-life flashbacks of getting shot by a posse when he flies over El Paso.
Big John, and its sequel, Big John’s Cajun Queen by Jimmy Dean.
And of course, Teddy Bear; not the one by Elvis (problematic though it may be), but the one by Red Sovine. True Fact: the lyric for that one made it into a Chicken Soup For the Soul book.
[sub]I, uh, liked that song.[/sub]
Anything by Limp Bizkit. Short summary of all their “songs”: I am so great! I am so great! Everybody love me, I am so great!
::scrutinzes jab1 ::
Do you like it because you’re a long-haired, freaky person? 
And, in fairness, I have to admit that upon double checking Barry didn’t say “Signs” was smarmy after all. He said
As for me, I hate the song. I keep wanting to slap the singer, telling him “Get over yourself!”.
Fenris
Okay, you have to know the difference between crap and a parody of crap; “MacArthur’s Park” is the latter; they were making fun of this type of song, ones where there is much lamentation and gnashing of teeth and rending of garments over trivial things, songs whose writers must have been spoiled brats.
Am I the only one old enough to remember “Sugar, Sugar,” by The Archies? THAT was not a parody.
And let us not forget the immortal “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (I Got Love in My Tummy).” Oh, yeah? I guess that means you swallow…
I’m surprised the thread lasted so long without “The Wind Beneath my Wings” being mentioned. But the song that I really want to mention is The Jayhawks’ “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” (charming already, right?)
*We talked for hours at a time
Then I came to my senses
You’re more than a friend
You’re my perfect lover
I’ll never be all you want me to
But that’s all right
I’m gonna make you love me
I’m gonna dry your tears
And we’re gonna stay together
For a million years *
Sounds like it belongs on a CD called “Music to Stalk By.”
This might pass the smarmy taste-test:
“The Glory of Love” – Yep, we did it all. Anything we do is OK because, hey, it’s for the glory of love.
Me, I’ll take a good dry-humping over the GL anyday.
Also, “Copacabana” by Manilow (which reminds me of the old National Lampoon headline: “Vaginitis Halts Manilow Tour”)
Anyway, here’s the singer describing adultry and murder, and concludes with great joyous abandon that only BM can provide:
"She lost her youth / She lost her Tony / Now she lost her mind
At the COPA!"
That’s the name of that damn song?! This whole time I’ve thought they were singing “let’s all go down to do Miss Walker…”
(Well, I knew that couldn’t be right, but I couldn’t figure out what they were actually saying.)
One Voice: Billy Gillman- Anybody ever heard this little wussy? He’s a little 12 year old sissy boy “country” singer who somebody taught to move on stage like one of those crappy lounge singers. This kid makes me want to PUKE!
Has anyone else seen the Neil Diamond Behind the Music? Boy, everyone they interview on that is just so. . . intense. Everything they say just seems so ultra serious. “Everyone loved Neil Diamond and then. . . (pensive gaze to something off camera and knuckle biting) no one did.”