Post your favorite Red Dwarf quotes.
You spent two years playing the pratt version of Rimmer? [Tim Spall as tech]
This is mutiny Mr Queeg. [Holly]
Puncture repair kit on standby sir. [Kryten]
Red alert? It’ll mean changing the bulb. [Kryten]
[Oh, and in case Smeghead gets here: wasn’t your sig quote said by Kryten not Rimmer?]
Maybe someone can tell me who these lines come from–I’ve only heard them repeated by my brother-in-law.
“Let’s blow up the asteroid with our phasers!”
“Two points. One, we don’t have any phasers, and, two, we don’t have any phasers. I know it’s only one point, but, it’s such a good point, I felt it had to be made twice.”
“Good point. Well made.”
Lister: “Great cornflakes, Kryten. Nice and onion-y!”
Lister: Love is what separates us from animals
Rimmer: No, Lister – what separates us from animals is that we don’t use our tongues to clean our own genitals.
Rimmer: Erm, I think we’re all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is “What are we going to call ourselves?” erm, and I think it comes down to a choice between The League Against Salivating Monsters' or my own personal preference, which is The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society’. Erm, one drawback with that – the abbreviation is `CLITORIS’.
Lister, we all bring something to this discussion, I suggest you bring silence.
Hey why should I care if you’re dying, it’s your death.
Marvellous,smegging marvelous, deepest medieval space, much better than deepest modern space.
Hi there goalpost head.
Rimmer: “That’s about as smart as putting your wedding tackle into a lion’s mouth and snapping him in the love spuds with a wet towel.”
Lister:“Unrumble!”
My favorite one was “Red Alert? It’ll mean changing the bulb” but it was already taken by picmr. So, I guess I’ll have to go with…
Cat: “We are Deader than Tanktops!”
An oldie but a goodie:
Holly: Emergency. Emergency. There’s an emergency going on. It’s still going on. It’s still an emergency. This is an emergency announcement.
CAT (spraying with an aerosol can): This is mine… This is mine… All this is mine! Except that little part there. I don’t want that.
See below. 
Nope. I wrote it in 5 minutes after hearing it on the show.
Like I would miss this thread!
Rimmer - What are you rebelling against?
Kryten - I don’t know, What have you got?
Lister - Thinking about electrical appliances should not get you into double polaroids!
kryten - I’ve found the recharge socket, but I just can’t seem to get the plug to stay in.
Kryten - Smeeeeeeééé Heeeeééé´
All apocryphal, It’s been something like 2 years since I have seen it. but they are pretty much how they go.
More later if I remember them
[About rescuing Rimmer and Kryten]
Cat: We ain’t gonna find them. They’re gone, buddy. But look on the bright side. They’re gone, buddy!
Kryten: What about the Space Corps directive which states that our primary goal is to seek out contact with other life forms?
Rimmer: What about the Rimmer directive which states, “Never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the entire Osmond family”?
[After eating dog food]
Lister: Now I know why dogs lick their testicles! It’s to take away the taste of the food!
[Lister’s first words upon meeting a cute girl]
Lister: All right, if you’ll just take your clothes off, we can begin the examination.
[And, of course, the piece de resistance: ]
Cat: Dwayne Dibley?! Dwayne Dibley?!
Johnny LA beat me to it. The visual of Cat spraying has to be one of the alltime great scenes.
Although, the uneating of the eclair in teh backwards time show (?Timeslip) was awesome.
Got him, hook, line, rod, sinker, and copy of Angler’s Monthly, I think, sir.
Actually, I liked the last scene.
“Where’s the Cat?”
“He had to go to the bushes to… you know…”
(shocked looks) “We have to stop him!”
Shot of the cat with a terrified/shocked expression of the Cat’s face as he rises from the bushes.
Kryten: But you would not profit by it. You would gamble your safety for a mere android. Is this human value you call friendship?
Lister: Don’t give me this Star Trek crap. It’s too early in the morning.
Holly: Nothing wrong with dog’s milk: full of goodness; full of vitamins; full of marrow-bone jelly! Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog’s milk.
Lister: Why’s that?
Holly: No bugger will drink it!
Can’t say that I’m a big fan of the show. However, I’m a huge fan of the Cat. His character can make me howl in seconds.
[cat]
I think I’ll have… Fish!
I think I’ll have… Fish!
I think I’ll have… Fish!
I think I’ll have… Fish!
I think I’ll have… Fish!
[/cat]