Would it be safe to assume they have blue balls?
Wash your mouth out with soap, and your brain out with Lysol.
Well, I’m sure Smurfette has blue boobies.
But then she’s an abberation because she’s the only one in the entire village with any boobs at all.
And I’ll bet she gets plenty of action as a result of her unique position.
Mmmmm … hot, wet blue booby Smurfette sex …
:: Spiff drools ::
OK, now I have that running through my head to the tune of Guantanamera: “Smurf genitalia—I see de Smurf genitalia! Smurf genitaaaaaalia . . . I see de Smurf genitaaaaaalia . . .”
i just wanna know the train of thought that led you to think of smurf units…
Um… look again. Smurfette has no breasts.
She does have certain secondary sexual characteristics that would lead one to assume she was female, though.
However, the only other Smurf in the village that also has any kind of secondary sex characteristics is Papa Smurf. Assuming you ignore the younger Smurfs who came along in later seasons, that is.
During a college bull session, properly fueled by brain-enhancing chemicals, my friends and I decided that Smurf biology was, in fact, closer to insect biology than human, and that Smurfette was, in fact, a kind of “Queen Smurf,” solely responsible for breeding the next generation of Smurfs.
This leads us to the question of “who’s the papa?”
The immediate possibility here was Papa Smurf, of course. He’s the only one who shows any signs of having any testosterone in his little blue bod. The beard’s a dead giveaway.
Other questions that arose:
Why doesn’t Smurfette have any breasts?
Perhaps Smurfs are oviparous, and non-mammalian at all. Certainly the TV show did very little to address this issue. Perhaps they’re a sort of “protomammal,” like platypuses, and she does have lactation glands, but they’re all internal, with no bulge. And maybe she has perfectly good tits, but just happens to be flat-chested. It happens, you know.
So, do all the li’l Smurfs get to, um, you know, um, with Smurfette? Maybe during one of those Flower Festivals they were always having?
Possibly. A female cat, for example, is capable of taking on multiple sexual partners, and producing a litter of kittens who all have different fathers. It sure would explain the wide variation in personalities among regular Smurfs. Then again, you’ll notice that the Smurfs in white trousers were almost identical, aside from minor features, and many of those features were affectations (Brainy’s glasses, Vanity’s mirror, and so forth). Perhaps genetic variation isn’t as wide as you’d think.
This would seem to bolster the case for Papa Smurf being the big daddy of the current generation. If this is the case, perhaps the white-trousered Smurfs are NOT male, but sexless workers, like bees. True, Smurfs don’t build communal nests or hives, but this could well be a vestigial trait holding over from pre-sapient Smurfdom, you know?
Other possibilities include some sort of contest, and the winner gets to breed with Smurfette. Either that, or she happily takes them ALL on in a day-long orgy. We had best hope Gargamel’s out of town when this happens, I should think.
If that is the case, though, it implies that Smurfette, rather than giving live birth, spawns a great many eggs all at once, which are then cared for and nurtured until they pupate into actual Smurfs and are issued their little footie trousers and matching cap.
This was originally a pretty good theory… which got shot to hell when Baby Smurf appeared. Baby Smurf is plainly not a larval stage of much of anything; he is plainly an undergrowed Smurf, who will grow into a larger one at some point. The amount of time Baby Smurf REMAINED a baby would seem to put the lie to the idea that Smurfette could possibly lay more than one or two eggs at a time. No single nanny critter could possibly care for three dozen babies for any length of time, particularly with a peckish evil hedge wizard looking to make Smurf Nuggets out of you. I mean, talk about “predator/prey relationships…”
This led to the possibility that Smurfs can reproduce individually, but that EITHER gender can carry an egg to term – like seahorses. This would definitely take the heat off of Smurfette, to some extent, although biologically, she’s still going to be inclined, to some extent, to wanna screw every Smurf in the village.
…and although that does answer ONE question, it still leaves one open: If Smurfette is not a “queen,” why is there only one of her? Why is the male/female ratio so far out of whack?
Well, perhaps this particular colony of Smurfs had a disaster of some sort. Either that, or Smurf biology simply favors males over females.
Either way, though, this would tend to incline Smurfs, sociologically, to be insanely protective of Smurfette, or any other females, for that matter. When one studies human society, or other creatures in which a disparity in gender ratio exists, the result of this is that the males tend to get mean. I mean, we’re talking reproductive destiny, here. While the Smurfs wouldn’t necessarily be aggressive with each OTHER – they aren’t human, after all – I sure wouldn’t want to be the one to get marked by an entire colony of homicidal little blue guys.
If this were really the case, the first or second time Gargamel went out there and screwed around with them, they would promptly have turned out in force and dug a sizeable pit trap with about a thousand poisoned punji sticks or something in it, and the next time Gargamel or his cat dropped in, they would have been cashiered, so to speak… and his skull would have made a fine new house for Smurfette. Tougher than a mushroom, certainly, better armored, more protective… and it even has a couple of built in windows!
I’m getting tired, now. And the colors are getting pretty intense. And the ceiling’s melting all over my keyboard. I think I’d better go lie down, now…
Smurf Genitalia
Is sex all we are thinking about today?
(Okay, they weren’t actually sequential. But it would be funny if they were.)
Damn, Spiff, you’ve got me thinking of Smurfette in “unique positions.”
Keep your reality out of my fantasy!
Damn you to hell, Wang-Ka (in a nice, non-Pit, MPSIMS sort of way, of course).
I may be remembering this totally wrong, it’s been a long time since I watched the Smurfs, but wasn’t Smurfette created by Gargamel? And what would he know about Smurf reproduction?
Although … Gargamel may very well have been a Smurfophile.
Smurfette had the power, though, definitely. Remember how Brainy and Handy and Jokey and Vanity and everybody but Papa Smurf were always trying to smurf her? But then, maybe Papa’d already had his share …
You must have missed the episode that explained where Smurfette came from. She isn’t really a Smurf, or at least didn’t start out as one. Gargamel created her to trap Smurfs but, of course, the trap failed. She decided she was better off away from Gargamel, joined the Smurf village, and Papa Smurf cast a spell to make her look Smurfy.
I have no idea why I remember that.
Ah.
Yes, I DID miss that. So Smurfette was created by Gargamel?
So how the &%$#@ DID the little bastards reproduce?
According to the protagonist in Donnie Darko, Smurfs are asexual creatures. They have no genitalia.
Of course, that’s just a character in a movie, but in the DVD commentary, they mention that they had to get clearance to talk about the Smurfs from their creator*. Permission was granted because Donnie was accurate about the Smurf’s and their (lack of a) sex life.
I’m quite a party pooper, eh?
*might’ve been his estate.
I seem to recall something about them growing out of the ground, like mushrooms.
Of course Smurfs have genitals.
Where do you think they get that blue fluid they use to demonstrate in Maxipads commercials?
Well, not exactly; now there’s a possibility that they produce spores, which, while no where in the league of smurf genetalia amusement, would still be pretty entertaining.
Yes! More evidence!
Ok, I found this a while ago, and it’s extremely pertinent to the present discussion. It is possibly not, however, appropriate for all audiences, and it has sound (music) so those at work may not be able to get the “full effect.”
Mods, if it’s too inappropriate for MPSIMS, please delete the link:
http://starterupsteve.servepics.com:60000/swf/strife.html?
With the recent resurrection of “All your base” around here, this is also hilariously appropriate (also sound, but in no way offensive):
http://starterupsteve.servepics.com:60000/swf/allyoursmurf.html?
I remember this, and that her hair was originally black. I also seem to recall that Gargamel made her with a heart of coal (or some other dark substance–I think that’s why her hair was dark). It wasn’t until Papa Smurf cast a spell (or something) to make her a pure Smurf that she turned blonde.
Having a thing for women with dark hair (even when I was a kid), I always thought this was grossly unfair on brunettes.