Snake shit (or, it must be Monday)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I live in a rural area. I love it here–cities have never impressed me much–but there are certain oddities associated with it. Today was a case in point.

I got up this morning and, as usual, stumbled into the bathroom. When I stumbled back into my bedroom, I found I had a visitor–there was a three-foot-long snake beside my bed. It was the sort called a “house snake” around here, apparently because they get into houses. This one was very definitely in the house. It wasn’t toilet-trained–it had defecated upon the carpet.

Now I don’t have a problem with snakes; I kinda like them, in fact. There are plenty of snakes around here, most of which are harmless–there are rattlesnakes, and there used to be copperheads, but I haven’t even seen a poisonous snake in years. Most of my interactions with snakes have been when I’ve had to get off the riding lawnmower and move the things so I don’t slice and dice them. I don’t mind sharing the world with them.

But sharing my house with them is another matter, especially if they’re gonna crap all over the floor. Mr Snake (or Miss Snake–I don’t know how you tell on a snake) had to go. This required a pair of gloves–snakes frequently bite and/or shit when they’re picked up. (I quite understand–if something as much bigger than me as I am to a snake picked me up, I would probably bite and shit too.) Mr/Miss Snake found himself/herself transported outside and deposited under a bush. I assumed it wouldn’t mind being a bush snake; the alternative was being a gore snake, and that would have involved a sharp knife. Then there was the matter of the carpet…

Hell of a way to start a Monday.

2

Snake shit is the foulest smelling, well, shit I’ve encountered. I’ve been sprayed by a skunk (quick little bastard), but snake shit is far more putrid and nauseating. I’d rather a (non-poisonous) snake bite me than shit on me. Bleah! You’re post brought up some bad memories.

3

I’ve been around a few snakes but don’t recall their odor. However, the most fowl-smelling (pun intended) pre-shit I’ve come across is gull-ingested Wonder bread. We necropsied gulls from JFK and ACY airports and checked their stomach contents. Without a doubt, Wonder bread becomes a stomach-jumping, bile-inducing messy crud that makes one wish they were in a biohazard level 4 suit even when outside in NJ in August. I would have thought the spagetti or hot dogs we often found would have been worse, but they smelled like a gardenia garden in comparison. Eeeewwww, I’m snorting just to get rid of the memory!

If snake shit smells anywhere as bad, I’ll abandon my hopes for one. How about the little guys, do they smell that bad?

4

I have to admit, it never occured to me to stick my nose in snake shit and take a good whiff. And it really never occured to me to slice open gulls and sniff their stomach contents.

But I once had a friend whose parents raised chickens, and I got drafted into helping when they rotated their coop. I don’t know about smell comparisons of shit by volume, but the odor of a large quantity of chicken shit is enough to turn you off KFC forever.