Apparently we all have our own versions.
Them: Don’t you know smoking is dangerous?
Me: So is talking to starngers.
Let’s say someone try to insult me using a popular phrase, after I have first used one of the above responces to their rude questions. If I felt like putting to much effert into it, I could do something a la’ Stewie Griffin, of the show Family Guy:
Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that’s funny! That’s really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I’ve, I’ve never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You’re the first. I’ve never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that’s what she says on the show right? Isn’t it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you’ve taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That’s so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we’re hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you’re so funny!
Since my fiance and I got engaged (and we are intentionally having a very long engagement), people continuously ask me when the date is, how the wedding plans are going, etc. I think they’re being nosy, because they’re usually people at work who don’t need to know my business, and I’d like a smartass answer to their incessant questioning.
Any ideas? 
Look furtively about and then tell them quietly that there is no date yet, you keep putting him off because the whole thing is just a scam. Tell them you will explain later after all the unpleasantness is over.
Several times I’ve been asked “Is that your real hair color?”
I haven’t yet said it, but I am tempted to answer “Yes, but this isn’t my real head.”
Tell them you are pregnant and you want to see if you have a miscarriage before you decide to commit to anything.
An old chestnut -
You: “Can you keep a secret?” Respondent says yes, of course. You: “Wonderful! So can I.” Walk away or change the subject.
“I’m not just smoking, I’m preventing workplace violence!”
question to my son, when he was a youngster:
"So, where’d you get the red hair?
answers–some spontaneous, some coached by me:
“Target.”
“Some kind of spray can.”
“It came with my head.”
“L’oreal, I’m worth it.” (okay, once he figured out what that one meant he refused to say it.)
answer to question when posed to me instead of him:
“It came with his temper.”
Oh, you should. That would be too cool.
I just want people to stop asking if my naturally wavy hair is from a perm. It invariably happens when I am with my straight-haired mother. I get the “real hair” question sometimes, and I always want to grab my hair, yank on it, and say, “It feels pretty real to me!”