Almost every wedding I’ve attended has had a cash bar. I know may people consider cash bars at weddings to be tacky and vulgar, but so far I haven’t encountered a wedding reception with an open bar. The only non-cash-bar wedding I’ve been to was the one we hosted for my cousin in our back yard a couple of weeks ago. The “cash bar” consisted of a couple of my brothers-in-law handing out cans of beer and cups of rum and coke for tips, which were given to BIL’s little sis who was handing out sodas and running back and forth to the fridge to fetch ice (she’s 18, too young to bartend for real). Only one person got shitfaced drunk, everyone else behaved and had a good time as far as I could tell.
Aw honey that’s just good raisin’! But you come on. Long as you realize that any night I’m willing to duct tape liquor to my body probably won’t end with cleaning the toilet. Which, BTW, was dismantled and sterilized this past weekend.
GreenBean - We Beans must be properly soaked, after all…
Wedding videographer and ex-DJ chiming in here. It’s about the bride and groom. If they don’t really want alcohol at their party, then respect that. You’ll probably know in advance.
If the hall just doesn’t serve or you suspect a money issue, slyly ask the best man what kind of cocktails they’re serving in the limo. Follow his lead. If you get caught taking a swig when no one else is drinking then you’ve implied that the most important day of their lives is boring to you or you have a problem. Hurt feelings ensue.
I worked my first wedding in 1987 and I have yet to see a scuffle or an outright brawl. I haven’t seen anyone vomit within the reception area/bar/immediate parking lot. If someone was sick, it didn’t impact anyone else’s enjoyment of the festivities.
Regarding embarrassing behavior, well, there’s plenty of that, drunk or sober – after all most of the people there are relatives. (I get way more compliments for having embarassing and silly things caught on video than I do for the best edited ceremony.)
A wedding reception =/= a nightclub or frat party. Most people realize this. Point being, alcohol can be a recipe for disaster, but it rarely is, at a wedding anyway.
I’d estimate 75% I book have a bar. Of those, 50/50 on open/cash bar, but a lot of people are going open bar before dinner and then cash bar after dinner. Everyone who wants can have a drink, and if they want to get toasty, then it’s on their dime.
Same country, same blue collar Aussie-Irish background, and I would never consider doing this.
Do you respect the people getting married? If not, don’t attend. If you do, abide by their simple request for a couple of hours of alcohol-free socialisation. As you noted, it’s not like you can’t go that time without alcohol easily. And if you really can’t stand to be in their presence without some liquid social lubricant, then why on earth would you attend their wedding?
It should be noted that there are lots of reasons for a booze-free wedding. If I’d had to have all my rels at my wedding, I’d have insisted on alcohol-free, because the family tradition for all major social occasions appears to be ‘get tanked, pick fights with each other, and generally act like gutter trash’. I’d have done my best to head that one off at the pass by deleting Step 1, and I’d really have hoped that my friends/other family members would accept that decision and not snuck booze into the event.
As it turns out, it wasn’t necessary as I elected not to invite the extended family, and therefore fixed the problem at Step 0. 
BTW, that wasn’t meant to be a specific ‘you’ in that post. Sorry for the implication, TheLoadedDog! :eek: It’s very much a generic ‘you’.
I think you’ll find most people prefer a cash bar to no booze at all. And since when is a cash bar inappropriate?
Really? If your sweet baby cousin that you grew up with invited you to her wedding, you wouldn’t go because there wouldn’t be alcohol? When I go to weddings, they’re for people I love and respect. Because I love and respect them, I don’t drink at the wedding if there’s no alcohol provided. Would it be tacky and inhospitable of Jews who keep kosher not to serve shrimp and bacon rolls at their wedding? Then it’s not inhospitable for Southern Baptists to refrain from serving alcohol at theirs.
Heh, I forgot about the mints. There are always mints.
I wonder what the back story is here. If that family has relatives like mine, I can understand their concern. There has got to be more to this story…
Yeah, honor their wishes and save the drinking for another day.
Yep.
I’ve been to a dry wedding or two as well. In some cases, its just a different sort of event - a wedding and then a small and short reception - as opposed to the all day ceremony, dinner, dance and drink fest that a full blown WEDDING becomes. In other cases its the full blown deal, without the liquor. In several cases where there hasn’t been liquor, the venue has been a hotel ballroom - those choosing to drink could slip out to the hotel bar.
I don’t really drink, so a “Dry” wedding isn’t going to be an unsurvivable issue for me, but having a Dry wedding in this country is an excellent way to make sure no-one turns up.*
Then again, if I were invited to a Dry wedding I likely wouldn’t take a flask because I don’t drink enough for it to be an issue- but, like TheLoadedDog part of me would be sorely tempted to bring a flask of Wild Turkey or something, just because. 
*Unless you’re members of a religion that has practices temperance, of course
It’s the equivalent of having the catering staff go around from table to table with credit card readers and saying “ok, the steak was $40 and your husband’s salmon was $35 - we take American Express, Visa, or Master Card. Or cash of course.”
If you think nothing of having a cash dinner, then I can see why you’d think a cash bar is fine.
Guests shouldn’t be charged. Hosts should serve what they can afford and if they can’t afford it, don’t serve it. It’s part of both the living within one’s means thing and being a gracious host thing.
No, it’s not equivalent to that, at all.
If you need the difference between providing food and providing unlimited amounts of alcohol explained to you, there’s probably not much point having the discussion.
Actually, part of being a gracious host, if you don’t have enough money to pay for unlimited alcohol, is giving the people who DO want to drink an opportunity to buy their own.
I don’t understand the notion that bringing a flask is disrespectful. Drinking to excess is disrespectful, but that’s true no matter who’s providing the alcohol.
Let’s bear in mind that the reception is a party that the bride and groom throw for the guests, not the other way around. The mission of the bride and groom should be to make their guests happy, not to make them conform to the bride and groom’s particular standards of behavior.
It seems to me that one serves alcohol for the same reason that one serves food: a reception is a social gathering, and a good host serves refreshments at a social gathering. In mainstream culture (at least in the US), refreshments means food and drink, and drink includes alcohol options.* If for whatever reason you opt not to serve alcohol at your reception, then I think it’s reasonable to expect people to bring flasks, and I can’t see why you’d object.
*If you can’t afford to do that, then you may be throwing too big a party.
It must be a cultural thing. I’d consider an open bar a bonus, but I wouldn’t expect it.
Unless you’ve been specifically asked to or have a medical reason to do so, bringing your own food and drink to any social gathering where the host is providing a meal is tacky. If I throw a dinner party and you show up with McDonald’s french fries, that’s rude and disrespectful.
In your social circles, alcohol may be expected at social gatherings. But that’s not the case for many in the US. Muslims, Southern Baptists, those in AA–in those social circles, alcohol is not appropriate. It’s not okay for you to impose your social standards on them. They’re inviting you to the wedding. You’re not under an obligation to attend. If it’s that big a deal to you, send a nice note and stay home from the wedding.
It matters why the wedding is dry. If it’s solely for expense, then you should quietly ask the organizers if you can bring your own. Kinda odd, but not unprecidented. However, if you do BYO don’t take in a flask–it screams of Dean Martin-esque “I need it all the time!” desperation. If the weddings’ dry because of religious or recovering-addict reasons, I wouldn’t even do that. Go afterwards if you must.
I also wonder about the “I must drink at the wedding” mindset. I’m from a working class Mexican backround, so drinking at a wedding is very commonplace. Yet when I went to my sisters’ wedding, I don’t even remember if they served alcohol since I didn’t want to drink that day. I worried about screwing up with too many drinks. I think a lot of the times people demand alcohol at weddings, it’s because they really don’t want to be there. If you could care less about the couple or felt dragged into the ceremony, what better way to kill time than drink?
Well put.
Yeah, it’s a bit surprising to me. Don’t folks ever go to a “dry” party? I have, and I’ve had a good time. I’ve also gone to “wet” parties, and had a good time. Surely it’s not the deal-breaker being portrayed here?
Alcohol is a grand tradition at weddings here (Ukrainian Catholic family on both sides), but when my brother got married last September he chose to have a dry wedding because our father is a recovering alcoholic who is easily peer pressured into drinking.
Brother’s close friend brought a mickey, which pissed my brother right off.
However, because the event was dry, everyone left super-early, so my parents retired early, and I understand that there was some booze flowing afterwards, which we overlooked.
Whereas I wonder about the “you mustn’t drink at the reception” mindset. If I’m surreptitiously slipping a bit of bourbon into my Diet Coke, what possible business is it of anyone else there (bride and groom included)?
This is precisely what the advice columnist in the OP predicted. If one tries to control one’s guests too strictly, they’ll find ways around it.