Damn, can’t take so long to type.
Did I hit anybody or was is just a waste of a building?
spritle turns to pcubed and says…
Did you hear that noise off in the distance? Must be something over by that other lodge.
That’s the spot Sven, right there, yeah… Damn that circular motion can tighten one’s deltoids! God how a massage can make one whole again, eh pcubed?
:: stargazer, having borrowed the lodge’s trebuchet weeks earlier, has built a snow-castle high on the mountain. After watching the other dopers tire each other out, she senses that her time is drawing nigh. She loads the trebuchet with her best yellow-snow-carved exploding cow, 20 feet long and 12 feet high, and takes aim at the clearing where the snowball fight has been taking place… ::
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
:splat:
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
:: Feeling relaxed and refreshed, pcubed leaves the massage area and tips the masseuse. Also gives spritle’s masseuse a tip so that spritle gets “special attention.”
:: Leaves the lodge in search of Wolverine, nobody destroys that other lodge and gets away with it.
:: Slips on frozen yellow snow, knocks himself out until at least tonight. Dreams of meeting wife and child over at the mall.
::trudges along the footprints-path left by Tygr and funds herself wandering behind a building that resembles a lodge::
KA~BOOM
::looks up in horror to see a giant snowball tumbling down the mountain towards her and the lodge::
“AAaaaaagggghhhhhrrggghhhaaaaa–”
MHMFPH~MUSH
::and Melpomene was no more::
::crawls out from underneath giant snowcow::
Boy, that was “udderly” ridiculous! And that’s no bull!
::is immediately pelted by every doper on the mountain for bad puns::
::grabs shovel to go dig out Melpomene as penance::
Tygr spends a few hours wandering in the woods (no, I was NOT lost, dammit!). Hears loud BOOM echoing across mountains. The snow underneath him begins to shift & tumble. Grabs board from out of pack, straps to feet and catches the wave of frosty powder as it careens toward some lodge-type building. Sees cow hurtling through stratosphere overhead. Spies diminutive feminine figure rounding side of building. Heroically leaps ahead of snow-wave, snagging Melpomene from a frigid burial. Almost.
Wakens with face full of white. Pulls self out of drift. Spies hand protruding weakly from nearby bank. Gingerly draws a near-faint Mel out and carries her toard remaining lodge-type building. With concern for her modesty (huh? Whaddaya mean she changed clothes right out there in the open?) he discreetly sets her in hot tub (whoops, not THAT yellowish one). Fixes her a warm brandy, tips burly masseur, then turns and heads back out to whoop up on Wolverine:::
Oh, and stargazer? That so-called snow castle doesn’t look so impregnable from here. Better batten down the hatches, lass. Yer newbie hide’s 'bout to get pummelled, too!
That’s 'cause you can’t see the invisible foreski-- er, forcefield. Or the steel I-beams that I packed the snow around.
::soaks in the tub, burly masseuse fingers working all those kinks out, sipping her warm brandy::
“Aahhhhh…hmmm…mmmm. Yes, I owe Tygr a favor for this one. Oh yes, he will be repaid.”
::closes eyes and drifts into dreamland::
::brushes off effects of snow barrage, looks around and doesn’t see anyone::
Hmmm…team Hottub is in full swing.
::Grabs snow blowing gun and points it at stargazer’s fortress.::
“Invincible my ass! Charge!!!”
The snow castle now looks like a festive holiday snow globe. As does stargazer.
::wiping snow from forcefield::
neener neener neener!
And I’ve got my own BIG hot tub up here, along with masseuses of both genders. – anyone want to join me?
::sits in Florida, muttering nonsense::
I want snow.
:: pcubed regains semi-conciousness. ponders fate. that is boring so he ponders hot women in bikinis instead. feels feelings return to extremities. considers getting up and continuing snowball fight. but it is night, and the howler monkeys are out. why there are howler monkeys here on mount cecil, he has no idea. must be a bad sound effects guy. slowly, he climbs back to the lodge, strips the wet clothes from his frozen body. enters hot tub. realizes that there are other people in hot tub. damn that shrinkage.
::Wakes up.
Looks around. Sees remnants of a cow. Head groggy. Can only think in short sentences.
Forgot what happens the previous day as he stumbles off aimless mumbling something about fishsticks.
As he approaches a tree, he hears a crack.
Suddenly a snow tiger leaps at him from his right, he dodges quickly and runs straight ahead into his trap he had set for Tygr. He falls down an old well shaft as piles upon piles of yellow snow are dumped on him. The last words we hear are::
TYGR!!
::Silence::
[pan out to ground shot]All is still. The snow has stopped being dumped.
A howling monkey walks by, pulls a lever and leaves.
Miracuously, Wolverine is pulled up to safety. He heads back to his shed to regroup.[/pan out shot]
:in the distance a faint buzzing can be heard by all:
then without any other warning an apache helicopter rises up from behind the snow. The snow gladiators collectively huddle into one frightened mass of pathetic little weenies.
steeljaw opens the cockpit and starts “making” yellow snow again. the chopper creates a flurry of snow all around, sprinkling the huddled mass of pathetic weenies with the “special mixture.”
obviously a moral victory for steeljaw
:jumps down from helicopter, runs over to weenies, takes snowboard and glides away:
Spritle awakens relaxed and with a SI-grin on his face. He is gratful to pcubed, but is also a bit confused (dare I say curious?) given that he was attended to by Sven. (see above).
He shakes the sleep from his head and moves to carry out his plan.
As the masses are grouped together, wiping the residue of steeljaw’s attack, Spritle slips over to the snow making machine and points it at the group. He turns on the machine and drops trou, smiling as his morning release creates a fine mist of yellow, powdery snow raining down on the group. A fine wake-up indeed.
::sets up deck chairs on front porch in Florida::
::hands a non-alcoholic Mimosa to AETBOND417::
::mixes double for herself::
::brings out closed circuit 60" plasma screen tv with digital stereo sound to watch the snowball fights from the safety (HA!) of Florida::
::relaxes in chair::
::listens to rain falling right now::
::looks at Christmas lights wrapped around palm trees::
::looks at AETBOND417::
Comfy?
::dumps bucket of ice chips over AETBOND417::
Hey, it’s 75 degrees down here! It’s the best I could do!
Dammit, WHERE did all these howler monkeys come from?!?
:: Shakes gibbering beast off his leg. Gibbering beast reminds him that he’s looking fer Wolverine :). Observes full pounding attack upon stargazer’s fortress. Attacks having little effect. Also observes that fortress is larger than previously thought. Feels snow begin to trickle down below the waistband of his shorts. Sees that star has additionally stocked fortress with hot-tubs, a full bar and swedish masseuses. Begins to SERIOUSLY consider switching sides. ::
So, uh… um, stargazer… How YOU doin’?
:: Trudges towards Miss Gazer’s hot tub. Wonders if she’ll be administering any swedish massages…
Calls down to Melpomene. Asks her to grab her brandy and get Sven to carry her up here to the fortress. Wonders what’s wrong with steeljaw, pcubed, and rundogrun, since they don’t seem interested in joining two intelligentsub[/sub], wittysub[/sub], and altogether funsub[/sub] SDMB newbie-cuties in a hot tub complete with full bar serving warmed liquor. ::
:: Packs a dry-ice container with a miniature armed snowball trebuchet. Labels container ‘Airmail: FLORIDA’. “Hello, FedEx?” ::
(What Tygr doesn’t realize is that we’ve secretly replaced the hot-tubs stargazer normally uses with special ones containing a mixture of quick-setting heat-tolerant gelatin and itching powder)
:: listens for sounds of intense itching
:: calls friend “The Snow Miser”, requests blizzard in Florida. Snow Miser says he’ll have to get Mrs. Claus involved, but he should be able to do it.
:: pcubed suddenly realizes that he has become a Rankin-Bass figurine, his pupils get really big, awkwardly moves towards female elf.
She thinks I’m Cuuuutteee!
::cuts off pcubed’s hot toddy supply, rather than have him besmirch the honor of an elf. Throws him in a snowbank for good measure.::
::offers to hose down itchy female dopers and apply a soothing balm.::
::waves to fedex guy.::
::launches Sven down the mountain on a sled, ala Calvin and Hobbes style.::
Now where did steeljaw go?