So do I move or not?

Well, as far as your kid is concerned, I wouldn’t worry about spending another year or two in your present situation. He might not like it, but the truth is that he’ll be fine in the long run. Even if you wait another 4 years he’ll only be 10. Ten is an okay age to make a move as long as it’s the last one before finishing highschool. He’ll make plenty of friends by then.

Luckily parents get to raise their kids in the way that they think is best for them, not for their immediate satisfaction. It all depends, to me, on what you think is best for your kids. I seriously don’t see a couple of years at such a young age as a problem. Guess what? Kids have grown up sharing rooms and living in apartments for ages now, and they aren’t deprived. You want him to spend some formative years in a community with a bit of self-respect. That’s often not the case in these types of places in Mississippi. People are content with their station in life and he might grow up being content with what that small town has to offer him. I say this because I’ve grown up in a town like that, and the lack of opportunities most likely hindered a lot of people that I know. My best friend as a kid is a great example. He was smart and adventurous but eventually he just turned inwards and now he still lives in that tiny town of 2000 alone with his parents. I was very depressed with my situation as a youngster and the only thing that kept me going was the optimism that one day I would make it out of there and finally see something of the world outside of my county.

I just think that you seem to be an intelligent and open person who would love to see their kids to grow up and be happy. But I think that taking the easy route here could be a bad thing. I’m sure your husband would understand and your kids eventually will.

Just out of curiosity, what kind of place would you like to raise your kids in an ideal world?

What a difference a couple days makes. I was 80/20 leaning towards moving.
I found out my husband cheated on me and got a girl pregnant about 6 weeks ago. Thanks for the replies. I’m just shocked right now.
I was about to quit my job and move with him. Wow.

Well, that certainly changes things. Best wishes as you figure out where to go from here. (mostly metaphorically, but geographically as well.)

That sounds like an even better reason to move back where you’ll be close to relatives and have fewer expenses.

One big lesson I have learned is you should never, ever, make your life decisions based on a job. Companies get bought or go out of business. Colleagues move on and sometimes really wretched people take their place. Don’t be loyal to a job, because jobs aren’t loyal back and you could find yourself the last one left when everyone else has flown.

Given your financial circumstance, I think it’s wise to take the house offer now, get your ducks in a row financially while the kids are young (maybe do some distance education or get certification in your specialty if it’s available) and plan in five years to move on. The kids won’t be seriously damaged by what happens between now and five years from now; at that point they’ll still be young enough to be taught better ways if that becomes necessary. You have the internet to stay in touch with your current friends and you’ll make new ones in the new place.

I’m so sorry…

It sounds like your heart was leaning toward moving before this happened. I agree with Quiddity - don’t make a decision based on any one job (maybe opportunity), and I’ll add a peice of advice - don’t make a decision you feel “forced” into because your husband betrayed you. If you let this moment pass, will you be kicking yourself five years from now because “he” screwed it up? You’ll get child support. Your kids will have a backyard. You’ll have people who really seem to care about you close.

If you move when the kids are in school - no big. Really, we also moved a lot when I was a kid and it isn’t nearly as traumatic as people think. Target a few years, see how it goes, and then if you go job hunting in a city with savings and a better credit score (and more independant kids who can come home to an empty house) maybe you do that.

By the same token however, you shouldn’t drop anything and move to a place where there may not be employment opportunities. It isn’t that she is passing up a great offer to move based on the loyalty to her employer but rather a concern that she might not find employment at comparable pay.

At this point, you need to regroup and figure out what you are going to do regarding your family situation.

Sorry to hear that you received such shocking news. Best wishes on sorting out what direction you want to take now.

Having had a childhood where we moved countries every couple of years, I can assure you that kids are pretty resilient and will adapt to most situations. What is important (and given your new info, now even more so) is for you to be in a place where you are surrounded by people who love and support you, and where you feel you are creating something. Much of your comments have been around the effect of this on your kids, but it is just as important to remember you. You will be a better mother if you are happy at work, and supported at home. Now I’m not sure where this places you (the cheap rent and bigger house are great, but you need a fulfilling job as well). Whatever you choose, the next year will be the hardest, but focus on creating something for your kids and yourself (yes, forcing yourself to make new friends even when you can’t be bothered to is important!) but at the end of it you will be stronger and more resilient than you can imagine now. If you are struggling between 2 options, then there is no wrong decision, there is only the new version of your life that you will choose for yourself. Best of luck to you and your kids.

I’m so sorry to hear about your shocking news. It can’t be easy, especially as you try to make a big life decision.

I just wanted to add a quick response to this:

While Frank has a point about it being a place you left, this doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t ever go back. I left the place I grew up in for a reason. I moved back for a reason, too. I’ve been back five years, and I’ll probably be here the rest of my life. I don’t regret moving away, and I don’t regret coming back. My brother, however, moved away and will never be back, and that’s the right decision for him.

For both of us, the right place to be was determined by the people we wanted to be nearest to. Who do you want to be nearest to? Go live near them. The job thing will work itself out.