Say there is a SD’er that you get into a heated argument with. Flames are thrown from BOTH sides of the fence and NO apologies are ever given.
Now say that same SD’er starts a thread or makes a post that you find very interesting or something you would like to comment on. (in a non inflammatory way)
Do ya’ do it?
Or do you say to yourself: “Screw that f’er. I don’t like his/her ass so I won’t comment.”
Myself, I go with the philosophy of: “Each new thread is a new beginning” OK I know that sounds cheesy but the fact is; I just don’t carry my anger from one thread to the next.
In my case the big crime is to bore me. SDers who did this consistently have been placed on the list-that-shall-not-be-named. If, by chance, one of these people starts a thread that looks interesting I tell myself that if so-and-so started it it couldn’t possibly be, but if it sounds intriguing enough I might take a look anyway–and I’m usually right.
Exactly. I once swore I’d never use the function- that -dares- not- speak- its- name, but just seeing their user name and knowing the ramblings that would follow was starting to greatly diminish my enjoyment here. I have no grudge or anger, just simply not interested in reading anything further from them.
I have about 14 people on my ignore list now. (Before the last presidential election, I had only one.)
Since it’s not really fair to place someone else on ignore after only one spat, however heated things may get, I almost always give them a probationary period before dropping the big one. But there really isn’t any reason not to use the ignore option if somebody is really bugging you that much. Life is too short for squabbling with terminally unpleasant people.
Well the previous three posters probably won’t even see this but I’ll say that there are a couple of members who have left such a bad taste in my mouth that I prefer neither to open their threads nor interact in any way. However the bad taste comes not from personal interaction, but from the condescending way they often talk down to the community at large, so I am not sure if you could really call that a grudge.
I’ve never forgiven that bastard Fabulous Creature for his continual smart-ass insertions of himself into threads where had has no damn business. God help us both if I ever find myself in the same room with him.
There are a couple of folks around here that I’m tentative around, and I suppose it might be called a grudge, though I don’t hate them or even dislike them, really. I’ve had words with a handful of Dopers; minor, petty snipes that never amounted to much more than a :rolleyes: on my end. However, I still read their threads if they seem interesting, I just keep my mouth shut. Or my fingers still, as it were. I mostly have a tiny, nagging fear that if I say something in their thread, they’ll snipe me, and I worry that I’ll get too worked up over it. I know my limits and my idiosyncrasies, so I nip them in the bud when I can.
Often when I see one of them posting in one of my threads, I feel a touch relieved. I loathe holding grudges more than the “offense”. I remain wary, but feel better.
The only person who ever pitted me is no longer posting here, so I don’t need to carry that grudge any more.
There is a person with whom I had an off-board relationship that ended up in a less-than-great place, for a variety of reasons. It has been the case once or twice that he or she has posted something where I’ve had the reaction “if any other Doper ever had posted that, I would respond [thusly], but since it’s this person …” – but I always decide that any tensions in that relationship should not prevent me from offering words of comfort or support (or making the perfect smart-ass comment).
I’ll have expectations when I go in, but I’ve been surprised so often that I - A) don’t hold grudges and B) don’t use any board functions to shield me from evil. I’ll approach the thread carefully and with certain expectations, but I’m far too mellow to hold grudges more than a couple of days.
There’s at least one poster that I maybe can’t stand in, for instance, a political or religious thread but that person turns out to be very level headed and interesting in other places.
I’m sure there’s a couple of people that don’t read my stuff because I pissed them off, but I’m a semi-newbie so there are many more who don’t read my stuff because they just don’t care.
Reading this, I am wondering: can you really block someones comments so you do not see them? How do you do this? Can someone really upset you that much on The Dope that it bohters you so much you can not even read their words?
If I had better short-term memory, I’d be better with my grudge-holding. But damn, a lot of the names here are similar. Still, there are a couple of posters whose names I do manage to remember that I have something of an animus against (and probably vice versa). But the animus tends to be a little content-specific, so no, I generally wouldn’t hesitate to post in other threads of interest. My theory is that the thread is generally larger than the individual posting in it, even the OP. I don’t like bearing grudges either, so my usual tactic is to pretend the grudge doesn’t exist.
Yup. There are a couple of handfuls (but, actually, and maybe surprisingly, not more than that) of Dopers that I really, actively dislike. I might not click on a thread I would have otherwise clicked on because I see one of those names, but once I do click and do read, I see no reason to avoid responding if I would ordinarily have done so.
Now, if a certain poster has a certain pet subject that he or she has posted on about a zillion times and I have no interest in discussing that subject with that poster, I might avoid posting even though I would have posted if it had been someone else, but that’s not grudge-holding, that’s just efficient use of my time.
If you have a minimal threshold of mental health, there is a fuse in you head that will go off at the appropriate time and say “Jesus Christ, I’m getting into fights with strangers on a message board. What next - 'stop me before I kill again” written in lipstick on the neighbor girl’s bedroom mirror? Time for a self-intervention."
A problem can arise when someone else quotes a post by someone you’ve placed on ignore. Otherwise, though, it’s generally pretty easy to make someone an unperson if you’ve a mind to do so.
To me, posts are just words on a screen, and to an extent, I will respond to those words based solely on their merit. I say “to an extent” because you learn someone’s past & interests as time goes by so I still come to the post with a frame of reference.
But, I wouldn’t exclude myself from anyone’s thread based on any sort of previous argument. I attempt to react in that thread as if I have had no previous interactions with the poster at issue.
I consider an “ignore list” patently absurd. Why would someone think that a person will never have anything to say that s/he wants to read. I could only see using one if a person was just flat out spamming every room, all the time, but no one here really does that.
Nah. Holding grudges is stupid. Sure, there are people on this board I regard as total dicks, and I’m sure I am regarded as such by some as well. So what? Der Trihs, for example, drives me nuts in GD, but in CS he is usually very insightful and funny. Dio and I would kill each other if we ever met and started talking politics, but he’s the go-to guy when I have a question about comparative religion. I’ve Pitted a few, I’ve been Pitted by a few…life goes on.
There are only a couple of Dopers I’ve had any kind of “serious” run-in with, and, while I came out of both scraps neither liking nor respecting them, it doesn’t stop me from saying “good point” or “I agree” if the circumstances warrant. Likewise, there are one or two folks who I simply don’t like (which seems weird to say about someone I’ve never met, but after 2 years I think it’s fair to say that I have an idea of what some personalities are like), but I’ve never Pitted anyone nor been Pitted myself (to my knowledge!). I won’t initiate interaction with them, but neither will I go out of my way to avoid it. I do remember previous interactions when I’m evaluating someone’s post, though. I’ve never used my ignore list – I can’t imagine ever getting that worked up over someone here.
I got into it pretty seriously with a Doper at one point. I didn’t really hold a grudge but I certainly did avoid their threads and never commented on anything they said. It never occured to me to ignore them, though. Eventually it was put behind us but one thing’s for sure - I know when I am outclassed and don’t even attempt to argue with this particular Doper anymore.
Other than this one instance, I have always easily declassified, say, the Pit from CS and will absolutely post in someone’s CS thread. But then I try not to get into it too much in the Pit.
but I’ll say that there are a couple of members who have left such a bad taste in my mouth that I prefer neither to open their threads nor interact in any way. However the bad taste comes not from personal interaction, but from the condescending way they often talk down to the community at large, so I am not sure if you could really call that a grudge.