So how do YOU say,

I’ve heard a variety of phrases that people use, often with a funny story behind it. A family member of mine was Navy doc attached to the marines, and fro what he saw their motto Semper Fidelis must mean “I’m on board, pull up the ladder.” So whenever anyone would complain about something not being fair, someone would say “Semper Fi” meaning “guess you’ll just have to deal with it.”

I’ve heard SOL used, and another friend’s family uses “that’s nice” (to mean “f**k you”) from a joke they all like.

Anyone have more?

In-joke dept.:

“Want a cookie?”

Story: One of my friends was talking to a female aquaintance during lunch at school. He had one of those little packages of cookies they sell in the school snack bar.
Girl: “I lost my virginity last night.”
My friend: “Uh…that’s nice…want a cookie?”

I have no idea where it came from, but throughout high school, we used “Good for you, you want a cookie?” in a highly sarcastic manner. It was normally used when someone was complaining, griping, or doing a “poor poor pitiful me” routine.


Silly, yeah, but I still use it on occasion, 10 years after graduation.

I cannot remember where this one started but I have a friend who uses the phrase “You look nice today” to mean he thinks you are a complete idiot.

My friends and I have used the “want a cookie” phrase also, but we use it to apply to someone who’s bragging, especially over something that no one really cares about.

Friend: Well, I won Diablo 2 in twelve hours.

Me: what, you want a cookie or sumthin?
When talking about competition or a fight, the person or group who just didn’t quite make the score or lost the battle, we say “He didn’t have enough pepperoni.” I have no idea why.

whenever someone is bitching about something that no one really cares about, we say in the most sympathetically mocking tone:

“AAAAAWWWW!! Wanna see my sad face?”

This started where I work. Someone said it once, and it just stuck.

Beyond that, we just recycle quotes from our favorite movies.

“You have no frame of reference here!!”
“The Chinaman is not the issue!!”
“Over the line!!”
(All from the Big Lebowski, plus numerous others.)

“And let me just say something that no one else wants to tell you–YOUR LOOKS ARE BECOMING A PROBLEM!!”
“I’m tired, I’m retired…YOU know. YOU know I’m tired.”
(From Almost Famous.)

And of course, the timeless…

for when no one’s paying attention to someone else’s story.

Whenever my friends and I are bitching about something that went wrong, and someone says “Oh well, Life goes on” our standard reply is, “No, it dosn’t, you better run like hell.”

Also, one day my SO and I were talking about weird things that people does and he used the phrase “Whatever floats your boat” we got in a little competition of synonimus phrases and then we started making them up when we ran out. Now we always use “What ever fuels your fire,” and “Whatever gets you up in the morning.”

LOL @ the Bueller thing. We use that all the time too, Sally.

At the office: we had a coworker once who was a little too fond of those expressions such as “he’s not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree” and “he’s not the swiftest horse in the Kentucky Derby” and “she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” He was one of those annoying people who would come out with one of these lines, and then thoughtfully pause so that you could laugh at his wit. One day, he made a big mistake on a project, and when our boss heard about it, she rolled her eyes and said “well, he’s not the sharpest horse on the Christmas tree!” and of course, everyone who works in our office now uses this particular construction.

My friends and I have been using the words ‘monkey’ and ‘pickle’ as multipurpose words for years now. One of my friends however, has mutated the Monkey Pickle into a sort of Ned Flanders on acid thing. Here’s an example:

Me: Hey Martin, did you ever call that girl, you know, old-what’s-her-pickle?
Him: Oh, you mean Gina, right? Yeah I pickley-dickely-doodily called her.
Me: hehe…are you two gonna go out for dinner and a monkey?
Him: Nah, she seems a little too I’m-A-Giant-Pickle-Monkalee-Dunkalee.
Me: Oh, that sucks ass, man. Well, I gotta go pickle now, see you later.
Him: Pickle!

Sometimes I find myself using the Monkey Pickle with people who don’t know it…that can be embarrassing.


My friends and I have started includeing the word “Biff” into our speech anytime we want to simulate a punch. WE got from old Batman episodes. Robin or Batman would hit someone and the words BIFF!! would flash on screen. We were amazed at how stupid this was, and now we use it. When you use the word BIFF!!! its important to draw it out rather loudly and in a anouncer type voice, just like off the show. Example:

I’ll BIIIFFF!! you one.


My friend and I don’t use this saying as often as we did when we were younger, but it still works with no explanation. If one of us is telling a story, especially with lots of complaining, the other can say, “Here’s a quarter…” The unspoken part is “…call someone who cares.” It’s said in a deadpan voice, but we know it’s a joke and no one takes offense. It’s not as if we would use it if someone were talking about a serious problem, but it helps break up a bitch session. I suspect this was adopted from pop culture something or other, but I have no idea from where.

During my student days a girl came down to breakfast one morning and, in lieu of any more stunning conversation, announced “I ripped my sheet last night”.

It occurred to me that this sounded like a great multi-purpose metaphor, and within minutes we were all listing endless variations, all of which seem to work just fine:

I had a great time last night / I got totally drunk / I did something really stupid / I did something wild, sexy and exciting / I got into someone’s bad books / I ruined my chances at something / I split up with my long-standing SO / I ruined something I’ve been working on / I went into a massive bad temper / I broke some taboo or other.

And so on. And ‘I ripped my sheet’ could stand in for any of them.

We also started conjugating: “A sheet-ripping good time!”; “That party was a real sheet-ripper”; “Did you hear the bad news about Tim and Sally? Ripped their sheet, I’m afraid”; “I’m sure I’ve failed that exam. I just ripped my sheet in there.”

I’m happy to say this passed into common usage for several weeks. Perhaps the Teeming Millions can resurrect it and establish its wider usage!

While studying for an exam last semester, some classmates and I decided to substitute “make love” for “fuck” everytime we used it. e.g. “This exam is going to make love to me in the ass”

Family in-joke: substituting “fascinating” for “bullshit”.

Can’t remember when or how it started, but the code sure is useful in situations when you just can’t come out and say what what you’re really thinking.

Idiot: As I was saying to George W. the other day…
Us: That’s fascinating.
Idiot: Everyone says I could write books much better than most bestsellers but I just don’t have the time.
Us: Y’know, that’s really fascinating.
Idiot: No, you’re all wrong about (politics, cars, television, books, whatever)…blah, blah, blah, lecture, lecture, lecture.
Us: Fascinating!

There have been times when my sister and I had to flee in opposite directions before we cracked up laughing.


My high school did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. To this day, my friends and I gleefully yell:

Me: Provocative?
Friend: Ambiguous…
Us: Provocative ambiguity!

And here in my venerable school, whenever one of my friends says something stupid, we usually say, “Me smart. Me go good school!”

(Pardon the langauage on this one.)

Well, “ripped the sheet” reminded me of my personal favorite, “Shit the bed.” It’s pretty much an all purpose phrase for when you mess up badly. “The Sox really shit the bed last night,” or “I was playing pretty well until I completely shit the bed.”

Another scatological one is to conjugate “to shit” as “shit, shat, shut.” So it becomes “I shat about an hour ago,” or “I haven’t shut today.”

If you’re just looking to be an asshole, here are a couple useful phrases:

When someone has just related some bit of good fortune that has come their way, respond with a patronizing and completely apathetic “How nice for you.”

Any time someone tells you some lame or anticlimactic tale, reply in your most smart-assed Pee Wee Herman voice, “I love that story!”

By the way, this is more than just a phrase but a great response nonetheless. Years ago I worked for a tough old bastard that was a three-time Marine (including two wars). After a rough day at work one time, I went to his office and vented by pissing and moaning all over about what a rotten day I’d had, and all the while he sat silently listening. When I finally finished, he paused then said, “You know, I’ve been around this world four times…and that’s the saddest fuckin’ story I ever heard.”

I was always partial to “You want some cheese with that wine?”

My family have lots of these - almost without exception stolen from tv.

One example that leaps to mind - “going to Safeways” which continues the scatalogical theme, I’m afraid - it refers to spending some quality time in the bathroom. There was a tv ad for Safeway with the tagline “lightening the load” - well you can perhaps see the literal progression of that one.

My (hated) miserable grandmother, who managed to take the joy out of any given situation, left us with an annual saying, only ever used late on the evening of Christmas day (adopt miserable moaning voice) “Well, it’s as far away as it’s ever been”. :rolleyes: She was serious, but at least we’re not.

We often said “shit the bed” as an exclamation of surprise, like “get-outta-here”. However, we said it in a high, surprised voice, and as one word.

someone: I just got a place of my own.
us: Shitdabed! When’s the party?