Do you have the option of just telling your dad? That way you can all agree that this is normal behavior for boys (which I agree with). But also, this is not the first post you’ve made on a related topic, and that gives me the sense that your SB may be having more than the average challenges associated w/ puberty.
Your description that they were less nervous than you expected also concerns me a bit. That makes me sense that they were not sure how an authority figure would react to inappropriate sexual behavior.
I realize it might seem like an oxymoron, that I find this *normal * but also *inappropriate * behavior. But that to me that is a paradox of a lot of sexual behavior. There is a lot that is normal, but inappropriate in public.
Your SB may be having some personal issues related to his mom getting married. Or, god forbid, she could have dated someone kind of squicky before your dad came along.
All in all I wish you the best in not having to deal with this type of uncomfortable situations. No, you don’t want to start a witch hunt. But you shouldn’t be caught in the middle of a difficult situation like this, either.
I think telling your dad, casually, might be a good idea. Not in a dframa queen “OHMIGAWD GUESS WHAT HAPPENED” way, but a chuckling, “you’ll never guess what those whippersnappers were up to last night.” sort of way. Heck, ask your dad if it’s something you should be concerned about and “tell.” He sounds like a great dad from your other posts. He may even tell you about the time he caught you and the neighbor kid doing the same thing when you were tykes and you’ve forgotten all about it. CAVEAT: If you have the slightest, inklingest feeling that your dad will go ballistic, keep it to yourself.
Really, I’m in the no-big-deal camp. Same developmental ages, standing two feet apart, no sexual play even - I think they really were simply comparing dick size the way my kid wants to compare hand sizes with everyone he knows (kid’s got huge hands, he’s very proud of them.) Making a big deal out of it will only sexualize what wasn’t very sexual to begin with.
As for the “not in public” comments, the kid wasn’t in public. Being in your own bedroom with the door closed is about as private as it gets.
Even a Board-certified homophobe like me thinks this is no big deal. WhyNot’s advice about talking with your Dad sounds pretty reasonable if you don’t think he’d freak out.
Kids being babysat don’t have any reasonable expectation of privacy. Last time I let 2 boys of approximately that age be together in a room with the door closed, they set that bathroom on fire. (Not one of my proudest moments as a babysitter. Matter of fact, one of my *last * moments as a babysitter .)
Now, if the kid were alone in bed at night, or alone in the bathroom, he would have a reasonable expectation of privacy. START was supervising these kids, and they knew that.
Personally, I would just take bro aside and tell him that it’s not appropriate, mom would go ballistic etc, and not to do it again. Then again, it’s hard to tell if he’ll take it the right way.
Second talking to dad only, if you feel that you must.
[hijack]
Hey START, so what did your dad say about the clothes?
[/hijack]
A quote from our own mangetout came to mind when I read this:
“The deal is that [SomethingWeDontLike] will lead to an increase in [somethingBad],
if we don’t want our children to do [SomethingBad], we must stop other people from
doing [SomethingWeDontLike].
Momentarily exposed to [SomethingWeDontLike], our children will forget everything
we have spent years teaching them and will inevitably do [SomethingBad].”
The above fine argument notwithstanding, I’m in the “don’t tell Mom” camp on this one. Tabby_Cat seems to have a fine idea.
He said that 5 days a week I will dress the way he wants me to because it’s his right as my Father :rolleyes: and on Sunday I will show respect to the lord by wearing a suit whether or not I attend church and on Saturday I could wear whatever I wanted oversized or not and that’s his final offer take it or leave it. I guess I have to take it. :smack:
And I did tell him about the “comparing boners” situation and he just laughed and said something like “atleast he’s getting it out of his system…I know guys that did that in College.”
Completely normal? For a gay person yes, perfectly normal. I would not expect heterosexual guys to compare boners with the possible exception of Michael Jackson. Unless there were some pictures of naked ladies in the room I would have to guess the inspiration for this activity was each other.
Of the 2 boys I knew of who displayed this desire, both turned out sincerely gay. I remember them both because at the time I thought it was damn strange behavior. That was at the age of about 9 or 10 years old. I think my exact words were “I don’t think so”. Should have copyrighted the phrase but what does a 10 year old.
Not sure what I would tell the parents unless the kids start boffing each other. Then it’s time to keep em separated until the parents figure out dating rules.
Oh no, hang on. I also did this with a couple of neighbours when I was about 11 - and there were three of us. Admittedly, only know one now but he isn’t gay and neither am I.
I guess that makes 2 gay - 2 hetro and 1 unknown so far.
Does it matter that I also played ‘I’ll show you mine’ with two neighbourhood girls too - but I think I was younger then so by rights, the later experience should have turned me gay.
please note heavy overuse of sarcasm in this post…
Um, the type of sexual activity that a boy does at such a young age will NOT cause him to become gay. I’ve done it, I’ve seen it, I’m as straight as an arrow and the other boys all got married too. So did the girls. Don’t forget that girls do these type of things too. I’ts a natural part of growing up. We just want to see if we’re the same as everyone else and we can’t when everyone else is wearing damn clothes all the time.
Well, that’s good then. Not knowing your dad, I would have advised that you say something to your bro along the lines of what Tabby Cat suggested. But since your dad responded appropriately, then I’m glad you told him. At least your ass is covered should the proverbial shit hit the fan later.
And to those of you who are making like this incident of “comparing boners” is a big deal or indicates future sexual preferences–read a psychology book, willya? It is “inappropriate” given our societal norms, but it is certainly normal.
[hijack] I hate that baggy style as much as anyone on the planet, but if you handled this the way you say you did, START, I think I’d have let you wear it. I doubt we have a whole lot in common, but I can’t help liking you when you act so mature! [/hijack]
I know I did it. (girl here) There are parts on a girl’s own body that are hard to see, so we looked at each others’. I think I was about 7 or 8. Also, in high school I wa a t a sleepover that involved massages and comparing boobies (yes, sometimes they do happen). We all ended up straight as far as I know.
.)
and said something like “atleast he’s getting it out of his system…I know guys that did that in College.”