Judging by what I’ve seen women wearing at major league baseball games, it may be more common than you think.
Unrelated: I’ve never owned or worn a wedding ring.
I lost my wedding ring following a surgical procedure. They made me take it off and it disappeared from my possessions. I don’t think it was taken. I think it just fell out of the bag somewhere. Anyway, I’ve been ringless for a while now. I rarely wear my engagement ring because I’m worried about the stone getting caught on something. It’s also slightly too big and I’ve never gotten around to getting it sized.
It feels a little weird not to have the ring. I’ll order a replacement one of these days. It’s not just a guy thing is the point I wanted to make.
I have/wear a ring, but I take it off frequently because of concerns about degloving injuries - basically anytime I do something more than office work. On many occasions I neglect to put it on again immediately after I’m done; sometimes I even leave the house without it. I may forget my ring, but it doesn’t mean that I forget I’m married. I do sometimes wonder though what acquaintances (who know I’m married) think when they see me without the ring; the OP’s story feeds that concern.
I don’t really get the anger in the OP - the friend clearly has issues, but the FB message to the wife seems like something you roll your eyes over when you get home, not something either one of you would take seriously. I’d see it more like an otherwise good friend who feels compelled to keep informing you that the feng shui of your living room is bad, not as someone making a nasty attack.
I find the obsession some people have with always wearing wedding rings puzzling too. Wearing the ring doesn’t magically stop someone from cheating, there are a lot of people that aren’t deterred by seeing a ring (if they even notice it), and I wouldn’t be surprised if a person (man or woman) actually has an easier time hooking up with a ring on than off. A significant number of people cheat on their partner and are only interested in someone else who’s cheating (as they figure drama and exposure risks are less), there are people who see banging a married person as a trophy, people who just don’t care, and more out there.
It’s more than rolleyes IMO, it’s someone pretty directly questioning your marital fidelity who is supposed to be a friend. That’s not “Oh there she goes again” territory that’s someone trying to start drama and shit with your marriage which should not be tolerated at all by someone purporting to be a friend. I mean seriously, you see me without a ring which could be for any number of practical reasons that are none of your business, then moments later you are texting my wife that this is an issue for our marriage. Who the fuck do you think you are?!
I don’t get the anger, either. I’d laugh about it with my husband. And I might not want to hang out with someone who was toxic like that, but I certainly wouldn’t forbid my husband from hanging out with her, and I’d be pissed if he told me to stay away from her.
Slightly similar situation here, from another female. I rarely wear my wedding ring these days because I can’t practice the ciblon (a Javanese drum I am trying to learn to play) with it on. In theory I could just take it off to practice and then put it on again, but I’m fairly sure I’ll lose it eventually if I do that. But yeah, it feels a little weird not wearing it. My husband doesn’t mind, though, because he knows why I’ve taken it off.
[QUOTE=Acsenray]
I don’t really care what the internal dynamics of a relationship are, but if it comes to my personal interaction with someone, I will look askance at one adult purporting to speak for another adult. Adults speak for themselves. That’s the expectation I have for people I interact with.
[/QUOTE]
I pretty much agree with this, but on the other hand, I don’t know if russian heel discussed the matter with his wife, and his wife has said “If she ever pulls another stunt like that, I will never talk to her again.” If that’s the case, russian heel is merely accurately stating his wife’s position, not threatening to intercede in their relationship. We can’t be sure from the OP what the situation is.
I’m not trying to call you a liar, but I have never heard of MRI techs willing to make any kind of “special accommodations” for jewelry – they make that very clear. They don’t fuck around with that rule.
(They won’t even let you wear make-up, since some of it contains metallics)
Not sure but there must be a way to use it if metal is in the body, so while I would want to hear the reply, there seems like there is some way they can make it work.
I’m not married, so no ring, but I’ll chime in on the reasons for not wearing one. My mother had a lovely set, made to order, diamonds and emeralds. Completely unpractical. She only wore it on the rare occasions Dad and her went out and at Christmas. I suppose she could have got a plain band but she rarely went out at all so it wasn’t really an issue.
I’d be good and mad if a friend stuck her nose in like that. Emailing the wife crossed the line. Not cool.
Wow, I’m glad that my wife and I have almost no “Do This Or You’re Not Really In Love” rules.
I’ve watched friends and co-workers go through dark times, holding their partners to an arbitrary standard that is NOT a universal law. Spouse isn’t wearing his/her ring? Probably a good reason. My wife sometimes takes hers off, no big deal. And once it got lost, and once the diamond fell out. No big deal.
Really, any time you think “She didn’t do ________, therefore she doesn’t _______.”
… you’re probably wrong.
If I liked Dave but he would often warn my girlfriend that I was going to cheat on her because I wasn’t wearing a tinfoil hat to keep out mind control rays, I wouldn’t be able to take the accusation seriously. And it’s so off the wall that I wouldn’t see it as ‘starting drama and shit’, because neither of us would take him seriously on the topic, we’d just say ‘Dave’s on about tin foil again’. Getting angry about it to the point of “who the fuck do you think you are?!” just wouldn’t happen because neither one of us believes it has any relation to reality. I see the ‘he’s not wearing his ring’ warning at the same level of unbelievability as the tinfoil hat warning, apparently you guys don’t but I still don’t get why.
My parents don’t wear their rings anymore – my dad’s no longer fits and he hasn’t gone and gotten it resized. My mother doesn’t wear any rings because of her arthritis she can’t get them over her knuckles. (Which sucks for her as she has so many beautiful rings)
My grandfather rarely wore his because he had to worry about it getting caught on things when he was working. There are plenty of people who don’t wear their rings for one reason or another.
Well I imagine for things like knee replacements, or pacemakers, sure. I just can’t imagine they’d make an exception for jewelry. They’re pretty strict.
I mentioned my mother above – she can’t wear her rings because of her arthritis. So she’s planning on getting a good chain so she can wear them around her neck instead.
About 30 years ago, my dad developed a metal allergy and now he cannot wear his wedding ring for more than a couple of hours. He tried several different kinds of rings – 18-karat gold, sterling, platinum, stainless steel – but that made no difference; after a few hours, his finger would turn red and swell and itch.
So he only wears it to church and when they go to something fancy. Takes it off when they get home.
Still married about 40 years to my stepmom.
The ring is only a symbol.
I stopped wearing mine after about the third time it nearly caused my finger/hand to get torn off while working with heavy stuff/tools.
My wife hates me anyway, so no big deal.
I have had an MRI while wearing my wedding band. I had forgotten to take it off in the changing room. Gold is not magnetic so the tech said “If it’s real gold don’t worry about it. Although I have had some wives come out of here pretty pissed to learn their ring was not…” Iron is mixed with gold sometimes, but apparently not enough or in enough quantity to worry the MRI tech.
And if anyone asks why you can reply “It’s our style.”
Whether the friend is acting out of mental illness or malice, I think my wife would not be out of line in wondering, “What are you otherwise getting out the relationship, such that you want to hang out with the guy who calls me a cheating slut?”
I don’t wear a wedding ring. Don’t even have one. And I’ve never cheated on my wife, or tried to, or misled anyone as to my marital status.
My father never wore a wedding ring, either, and he never cheated on either of his wives (they came in succession, not at the same time).
I’d be pissed if someone said or implied that I don’t wear a ring because I want to conceal my marital status so that I could more easily cheat on my wife.
I have metal implants in my femur. I have had numerous MRIs with this equipment in me. The only restriction is where the MRI can be used. I could safely get tests done on various parts of my upper body no problem. It only became an issue when it got close to the metal.
As far as the OP, I just wanted to give my take on what “If you ever want to see my wife again” could mean. It doesn’t necessary highlight anything controlling from the OP. It could be that they are so cohesive and on the same level, the OP could simply ask his wife to not see that “friend” again, explaining why he felt the way he felt, and his wife would choose to go along with it. Given that they have been married for 17 years, the OP could know his wife well enough to know that all he’d have to do to guarantee his wife never saw that woman again would be to ask her not to.
I had an MRI recently. I had to remove all jewelry, and was told that if I had any metal in my body I couldn’t have the MRI, and they’d have to make do with a CT scan.