Fuck my life.
This is all kinds of emotionally exhausting.
So, if you followed my last thread, I just started seeing a woman. She’s 32, has 2 kids, and we’ve been on 2 dates. Both ended really well; a great kiss. And in the interim, she’s been texting me regularly.
I did notice that she wore no makeup, and her glasses, both times. Not a big deal - she’s quite gorgeous - but I had seen pictures of her on social media wearing makeup and contacts. Hmm.
Due to her shared custody of the kids, the fact that she currently lives a little bit away (she’s moving closer soon), and a pre-planned getaway weekend with some female friends, our next date isn’t scheduled until tomorrow.
That weekend was last weekend. Even though she was out of town, she sent me regular texts. These included occasional pictures - the beach she was at, some food she ordered, that sort of thing.
Then, she sent me a bikini picture.
Wowza! I had seen pics on her social media from when she was 21, and she had an incredible figure. It’s clear that a decade, and 2 kids, hasn’t done much to change her.
I also noticed her tattoo. It’s a rose - not in color - on her lower front right hip. Kinda big, and laying on its side, with the stem curling up behind. It kind of looks like a whale with its tail behind. Her bikini bottom obscured a portion.
Now here’s where things start to get embarrassing.
Her picture had a, uh, visceral effect on me. And I’m a man, and one often single, so I have ways of resolving those issues.
Cue up my favorite porn site, and, inspired by my muse, I punch in my search terms: “perfect natural body.”
I start scrolling down and I find a still from a video of a woman with the same sort of long straight brown hair as my girl.
I cue it up. It’s a first person view from the perspective of a guy sitting in a chair (I presume he’s wearing glasses with a camera). The woman is on the bed, at the other end of the room.
She has on makeup, but she kinda looks like my girl. And, although I haven’t been with my girl long enough to know her voice completely, she kinda sounds like her too.
The camera then cuts to a close up of the woman, as she’s next to the guy, and I can’t see her face. Sure does have the same body shape, though.
So now it’s not an erotic thing for me. I’m fast forwarding through the video for clips to see her face.
And then I see the tattoo. The same fucking tattoo.
Now this porn video is like the Zapruder film. I’m zooming in, pausing it.
My girl has a freckle about a few centimeters north of the rose.
Porn girl has the same freckle!
Freckle near her belly button? Check. Check.
And then tonight we’re texting
So now my heart is racing.
On one hand, I consider myself a proud feminist. A woman has a right to do what she will with her body. On the video, she appears to be working as an escort; she tells the guy she’s been doing it about 2 years, and really enjoys it.
But, on the other hand, my ex-wife had been a very promiscuous woman (we had sex on our first date) who told me when we were dating that she had no idea how many men she has slept with, and I had to deal with the emotional baggage of hearing way too many details about her exploits (she picked up the habit after we separated, even once sending me a video). So I don’t think I want to deal with more uncomfortable feelings.
Then again, she certainly looked good on the video.
But, seriously?! I feel like I’m living in a Larry David sitcom.
What. The. Fuck.