I remember when the Taco Bell menu had like six items on it, displayed on placards above the order window–there was a picture of each item on the placard, a description of what was in it and a PRONUNCIATION GUIDE for each item! TAH-co, buh-REE-toh, toh-STA-da, en-chi-REE-toh, it was freakin’ hilarious! Oh yeah, every item was like fifteen cents.
I remember eighteen cent Baskin-Robbins single cones and fifty cent per pack Marlboro Reds. I remember when pot didn’t have buds, did have tons of seeds and was sold in “lids” that were measured in “fingers.” A four finger lid ran about ten bucks. I remember the crying Indian that ended the broadcast day and the test pattern that ran all night long–being an early riser I saw that test pattern a LOT waiting for the TV to come on at six AM. I watched the three available channels on a gigantic Magnavox console TV-stereo that had a red eye in the front that was there to automatically change the brightness up if the room was dark–you could really piss Dad off by messing with it during his shows. The radio had tubes and took a minute to warm up to where you could hear the signal–AM only, mind you! The turntable did have the 45 adapter that was removable and fit into a cylindrical hole inside the console so it wouldn’t get lost.
The first album I ever bought was “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” purchased with rolled pennies my dad gave me every night when he unloaded his pockets. I took them to the store in a little white wicker purse bought for Easter–everybody got a new dress, hat and purse for Easter. Later on I coveted my Dad’s badass stereo system with the Fisher receiver, TEAC reel to reel tape recorder and Harmon-Kardon direct drive turntable–all of which my mom still had a few years ago and all of which still worked. My consolation prize was the portable record player that folded up into a suitcase and the hand held cassette recorder with the handle on top–it was barely the size of an unabridged dictionary! Eight track stereos hadn’t been invented yet–years later I passed on those because even then I knew they sucked! I inherited all my Dad’s records after he recorded them onto reel to reel tapes–first issue Beach Boys, Beatles (on Deutsche Gramophon or Capitol, Apple wasn’t invented yet,) Rolling Stones, etc. He wouldn’t let me listen to the Broadway soundtrack of “Hair,” but I snuck into the living room and listened to it on headphones anyway. Masturbation can be fun, who knew?
I’ve had to saddle soap the set of real leather encyclopedias–1959 Encyclopedia Americana it was. I know the exact differences between the 55, 56 and 57 Chevy’s and prefer the look of the 55s, sorry. My favorite car is the 1959 Cadillac El Dorado Biarritz convertible with the rocketship taillights and the 45" tall tail fins, baybee!
I remember when bikes had one speed, unless you were rich and could afford a three speed. Coaster brakes only! I had THE badass skateboard, it was cool because it had ceramic wheels instead of metal and BALL BEARINGS! Still launched me like a rocket when I hit spillage from a lava-lawn, though.
Basically I’m hoping that these impeccable FOGI credits will outweigh the fact that I like quite a lot of new music and refuse to act my age most of the time. I do chase kids off my lawn, though, and I have owned my own cane for years. I’m such an old fart…
