Maybe I’m missing something, but I didn’t see her say anywhere she spanked her son. She grounded him, sent him to his room and removed the priviledge of going on a weekend outing.
Firstly, I am not a caseworker, so I’m not speaking professionally, but as someone who’s had the experience of being “on the inside” of my county’s Children & Youth Agency for three months as a clerical worker, who read an awful lot of case dictation.
CPS and CYA agencies bend over backwards to keep from placing kids. There have been cases where I’m reading the dictation and wondering why the hell they hadn’t gotten those kids out of there yet. The ultimate goal, even after placement, is reunion. The agencies exist to protect kids, not destroy families.
That said, and also a disclaimer that I am also not a psychiatrist/psychologist, I have to agree with D_odds. Get him looked at by a professional. If it is ODD, he’s NOT responsible for his behavior, and disciplining him will only make the situation worse as it triggers even more defiance.
None of the outside negative consequences are going to happen to you. You aren’t going to get a fine from the police and you aren’t going to lose your leadership position. You did nothing wrong. I think you would be suprised how many parents of boys (and girls) have had the police show up at their door at some point. It certainly wasn’t your fault.
I am going to have to agree with the other posters who mentioned ODD. Please take a look at
http://www.klis.com/chandler/pamphlet/oddcd/oddcdpamphlet.htm
and also the Conduct Disorders Website
http://forum.conductdisorders.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum;f=1
These are people with situations much like you described, and all are very helpful and understanding.
Best of Luck!
I think it’s cool that the neighbors called the cops.
Too many people just do nothing.
Sure, in your case it was false alarm, but they couldn’t know for sure…
My kids never say this anymore, because my wife and I give each other high-fives when they did.
It sounds like you handled it quite well, and I think the police agreed with you. Kudos to them, and you.
I agree with the counseling suggestions. Twelve is too old for tantrums. Good luck and God bless you all.
Regards,
Shodan
Since your son didn’t call the police himself and was intimidated by them, this doesn’t really apply here, but I thought I’d mention it 'cause it’s funny.
My dad had a customer who told him that his kids threatened to call the cops on him when they didn’t like their punishment. The guy handled it by saying to the kids “you do know that if the cops find wrongdoing, they don’t come and take ME away, they take YOU away, don’t you?” He said that shut them up pretty quick.
If I have kids someday and they threaten me with police action, I plan on using that line on them.
It’s not terribly funny when it’s something that truly abusive parents do to their children, too, to keep them from talking to the police about REAL abuse. I’ve seen any number of cases where the kids wouldn’t even tell police or caseworkers their names because their parents had them terrified that they’d be the ones in trouble if they told.