if you do find he wants to give it a try, make an entire relaxing romantic evening of it… ahead of time prep yourself, evacuate your bowels, do an enema [optional] and take a shower. Get relaxed with music and a drink if that appeals to you. Lots of snuggling and foreplay to get you very turned on. Before hand set up the bed with a large bathsheet or even a soft chenille cheap bed covering to absorb any drips and give you a clean bed afterwards, rubbers and lots of lube. Cant remembe rthe brand name, but there is a lube available in adult stores that has a sort of long injection nozzle designed for anal sex. It is true that getting a couple ounces fairly deep inside makes it go better. mrAru has the yuckky nails associated with thyroid troubles so they are very rough no matter what, so he will slide a latex glove on to protect me from any sharp edges he might have, so we keep a few pairs in the bedside table.
My first time [wasnt mrAru, but a number of years before] the guy did regular foreplay and ended up with a long slow and very sensual back rub [like in a soft porn movie, with genital stimulation on some of the strokes] and as part of the massage worked lubricant inside me, and worked at relaxing my anal ring of muscles as part of the erotic massage, and was not side spooning but doggie style, but let me be the one doing the moving. The reason I suggest evacuating the bowels and an enema are because if you push like you are trying to evacuate, it relaxes the ring of muscles and makes it easier.
If you start by letting him use a well lubricated finger in a rubber for anal play during normal foreplay and sex as it happens for a few weeks, it can make the first time of anal easier. Or you could use a series of small to larger butt plugs in sex play [solo or with him] to get used to having something inside you to make it easier.
One thing I don’t think I saw anyone add (and I am NOT an expert on this I just read too much) is that …erm… slot B and slot A should not be used together without a washing first. You don’t want germs from slot B getting into slot A. That can be a bad thing from what I have read.
Get a copy of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino. It’s well-written, accessible, and she’s very reassurring about both discomfort and possible hygeine issues. A runner up would be “Anal Hygeine and Health” by Jack Morin (it’s linked on the Amazon page) but the first book is best for first-timers.
Hold your horses Tikster! This is all predicated on you accidently_I_swear_to_god_I_wasn’t_snooping coming across some of his hyperlkinks, and with your standard issue female hyper-analysis powers determining that he wants your little brown rose. In case no one has ever signed up for a Yahoo or MSN group, and subsequently had your email address immediately entered on half the porn spam databases on the internet, let me clue you in.
For whatever reason at least 1/2 (it seems like more) of all net porn ads and links directed at hetero men are all about ass fucking. It’s anal this, and anal that. “See tiny white asses take huge back dicks! - Super Busty Cornhole Queens!” etc. etc. I guess regular old penis-vagina sex is too vanilla for the brave new world of smut, there’s got to be some chocolate too.
Even if he just randomly clicked on some spam smut links out of curiosity, chances are a lot better than even that he got a deluge of anal porn spam. Also, a flurry of popups that hit agressively when you visit many of those sites, would load up his url history with lots of backdoor love links. I think you should keep quiet unless he brings it up or you want to try it yourself. I would not take anal sex oriented hyperlinks as an indication of anything other than he needs to be more careful about giving out his email address.
The only thing that I can add is if at first you don’t succeed then skydiving isn’t the sport for you. Oh sorry wrong saying. Don’t give up if it doesn’t work out the first time. This is a mistake that I think a lot of women make regarding anal sex. My first time was not a very pleasant experience but then I found my SO who had never tried it but had always wanted to so he was willing to do whatever I told him.
Just like all these other brilliant dopers have said, LOTS of lube, relaxation and patience.
As a young heterosexual male quite familiar with the world of Internet pornography, I have to agree with astro that it’s at least as (if not more) probable that your BF got those hyperlinks from email spam or popups from ‘vanilla’ porn sites.
Also, anal sex is an extremely popular theme in Internet porn. It’s also pretty degrading in the way it’s done in pornography–the bloke just sticks it in and gets to jackhammering, and, not surprisingly, the lass ends up in a world of pain. So, insofar as it’s portrayed in Internet porn, it can again be something that your BF is curious about (or gets off on) but doesn’t necessarily want to try. Of course, he might not know that real-life anal sex is not supposed to be like that.
(I’ll note here that I’ve gotten off many times on porno featuring themes I would never, ever, ever, ever want to carry out in real life.)
Either way, you shouldn’t read too much into it. Anal sex is enough of a standard in pornography that your BF would probably have a browser history full of links to it whether he’s interested in it or not. Might be something to casually bring up if you want to do it or would be open to it, but if he hasn’t brought it up yet you probably shouldn’t assume he wants to. And for all men everywhere, I say this: please, please, please don’t think there’s something you’re doing that’s keeping him from proposing it. There isn’t. It’s not you. It’s never you, and there’s nothing more frustrating for a man than knowing that his GF feels bad about herself because of his completely irrelevant porn habits and there’s nothing he can say to make her feel better.
The best advice I can give is to forget about the entire thing.
Yep, once you start making a huge big deal over it and buying manuals and stuff it seems that would take the spontaneity out of it. Lube up and have him begin gently, that’s my only advice.
I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. He may want to do it, but hasn’t asked you because of the fairly common belief that most women think it’s gross. Or he may not be all that into it. The best way is to simply suggest it – he’ll think you’re way cool, even if he doesn’t take you up on it. You can let him know that you’d be willing to give it a try if he thinks he would want to. Don’t mention seeing his browser info, don’t ask if it’s a big important fantasy of his, just let him know you’d be willing.
Personally, I wouldn’t jump in right away. Have him start with some finger play during oral sex. See how you like it, get used to the sensations. When you’re feeling comfortable, you can just give penetration a try and see how it goes. Keep it as stress-free as possible, and you’re far more likely to enjoy it.
Unfortunately he is dead, so that really isn’t an option…I could tell you where he is buried though He got the idea from one of those erotic massage manuals [i think] but it is basically working on the relax and get horny premis that you will be horny enough to be willing to experiment and relaxed enough so the tension doesnt make you resist things and decrease the possibility of pain.
If you do decide to try it, don’t base your opinion on the first go. My first attempt was awful and I hated it. Two years later I let myself get talked into trying it again…much, much better.
That said, if you really don’t want to even try it, don’t. Adn if you hate it, don’t do it. The bedroom is not the place to comprimise on what totally freaks youout or hurts you.
The only thing I can add to what has already been said is that, even if this is something he’s interested in and would like to try in RL, it’s not necessarily something that he’s been keeping from you for six years. It could be a relatively new interest, and the reason he hasn’t brought it up with you yet is because he’s still waiting for the appropriate time to broach the subject.
(Which, IMO, is during Thanksgiving dinner. YMMV.)
I would have to counsel against this. You would be amazed how much goodwill can be lost by sodomizing a 28lb. free-range turkey in front of the in-laws.
(As an aside, God help me if the wife ever took it upon herself to begin digging through my internet history…
“So…um…sweetie, just so we’re clear…I suppose I could be talked into dressing up like Batgirl but don’t ask me to have sex with a demon or a robot.”)
I just read too much) is that …erm… slot B and slot A should not be used together without a washing first. You don’t want germs from slot B getting into slot A. That can be a bad thing from what I have read.
